In my journal, I write down one line for my new year resolution: "I want to fail forward as quickly as possible."

If there are two things I learn from TRP, they are "get my shit together" and "put myself out there." This past year has been transformational. I broke up with my LTR because our relationship was not going well, picked up new hobbies such as salsa dancing, tango, and bouldering, and ticked off things from my bucket list. I overcame approach anxiety and have no problems talking to strangers–––in fact, I make it a point to talk to people besides me when I fly. I learned to cook, count my calories, and started going to gym religiously since January 2019. I know that I am on the right path because I (an Asian male wearing glasses, studying CS in liberal arts college in the States) was told by my white female friend that I looked damn good that she wanted to feature my photos in her Instagram for her modeling agency "startup".

There are still many things I haven't achieved, such as having a mission that I'm 200% obsessed with, getting good with GRE exams, and figuring out the line between confident sexuality and creepiness. I know that the only way I can achieve these things, which are out of my comfort zone, is by constantly iterating with small steps.

Embarrassed about hitting on cute chicks? Time to put myself out there and see whether my internal map is right about "people give fucks about me" and "my opening style is harassing her".

Afraid of failing the interview? Time to stop procrastinating and try my best and fail as hard as possible so I learn as soon as possible.

Insecure about my GRE exam ability? Take a lot of mini-tests and learn from the mistakes. Tell my study buddies how low my mock test score is so they keep me accountable.

Not having a mission? Time to commit to building something and not worry about the opportunity cost. Ask around about my start-up idea. Get as much feedback as possible. Ask for harsh but constructive criticisms. In fact, I am going to intern and pitch our start-up prototype to Softbank in the coming summer in Tokyo.

As a young man, I know time is on my side. As long as my actions are not illegal, I can get myself embarrassed and do crazy ridiculous shits that go against my identity. I know five years down the line, all the crazy embarrassing things I've done will never be remembered by other people. However, I will have corrected my internal maps on the unknown territory–––I will know what fashion sense suits me, what vibe suits me, what's my limit, what hobbies and things I am good at, etc.

After I have internalized that "I have to try things out and fail as quickly as possible so I can improve myself as quickly as possible", I am too impatient to be mediocre and let things unfold. I want to be a high-energy individual, collect more journey pleasure, and get to know the unknowns. I want to develop callouses against risks, anxiety, embarrassment, and failure.

Happy 2020! I hope you all fail quickly as well, motherfuckers!