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[–]projectself4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
motivations trump actions.
If you are being nice from a perspective of trying to please someone because you want them to like you, or want something from them, yes it is very weak.
If you are being nice because you are secure in your positiion and can give value freely without the need of approval, then no, it's fine.
Something like 80% of communication is non-verbal. Your motivations will be sub-communicated through your vocal inflection and body language.
go read this, http://madamenoire.com/290330/14-gestures-we-wish-men-knew-are-just-creepy/
every single one of those things can be creepy, or they can be fine. In fact they can be quite attractive IF the right person is doing them. And how does that work? because if a needy person is doing them, it is unattractive and creepy. If a non-needy person is doing them, it is endearing and charming.
more about what you are than what you say.
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said. I realized I needed to master body language as a youngster. Knowing your position before you start aggressively flirting with someone out of your league is important too.
[–]bbidabbong 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here are few definitions of mine.
Nice = passive aggressive doormat. Give him a right chance and you will see how "nice" he is.
Polite = knowing some manners, and treating yourself and others with class. Also, including good body language and style (dressing, grooming) .
Assertive = is all about intelligence and intentions. You do not have to be strong, loud, and obnoxious to be assertive.
Jerk = idiot who is not polite, nice, and thinks that he is assertive because he is the loudest and most muscular in the room. Only people that submit to him are nice guys and girls if there is no Alphas in the room (polite, assertive, and muscular guys).
These are few homemade definitions. I am coming from Eastern Europe country, I was raised to be polite, and I find most Americas I have ever met ridiculously "jerky". No class, no manners.
Guy with a stronger frame and more politeness is a winner regardless of muscles. Two guys with equal frame and manners, the one with more muscles is more dominant.
Hope this helps.
[–]cmiovino1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Many times when being 'nice' we're supplicating to society's standards of being 'nice'. Basically, we're not doing what WE want, we're doing what society says is good to do.
So, you're not actually acting out your own will, not on your path, and aren't conveying your feelings. This is beta behavior.
If you want to be nice, it has to be 100% genuine and come from you. Problem is, we're not biologically built to be nice all the time. We're meant to be acting out our own primal selves of getting money, doing stuff, and procreating the human race... not 'being nice'.
[–]DPestWork[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like to say that 100% of everything I do boils down to sex, even if I don't know it. If I'm nice to a beautiful woman, I'm probably working on having sex with her. If I'm nice to a woman who is below my standards, it's because she probably has a hot friend or can serve some other purpose along the way of me getting what I want out of life.
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
First paragraph is kind of what I wasnt seeing. But I'll say that it still seems most here would say that chivalry in any manner is at odds with the general feeling of this sub. An old fashioned guy who still gets what he wants (quality plates) is playing society's game, and still winning I the TRP fashion. Right?
[–]cmiovino1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Chivalry, being nice, all that.. yeah, it is frowned upon here. It works in the movies, on TV, and it's what we're all led to believe will work. Put it in practice and you'll see girl's attraction drop like a bag of bricks.
It's not to say you can't throw a few of these acts in here and there, but it better be for a different reason other than catering towards the girl. Take for example the simple act of opening a door for a girl. Don't do it because society says you need to to please the door... slippery slope. Next you're pulling out chairs, bringing flowers, and a bunch of other garbage. Open the door because YOU want to LEAD her into that restaurant, that room, that party.
That should be the point of every interaction with a woman. Deep down, 100% of my actions are you get more sexy time on my terms. Even turning down sex is a tool to get more sex.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you're nice, make sure you're also:
That's probably my main thought. Most posts seem to say that Nice and Sexually Alpha are mutually exclusive. I do declare that they are not, and can easily be useful to each other.
[–]flexiblehold1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I run similarly, but I have to say, "nice" is a tricky word. "Nice" to a beta means "deferential, non-confrontational, passive," to an alpha it means "supportive while tough, gentle while firm, giving credit where it's due without heaping praise," it's just more subtle for alphas...
But you raise an important point, which is "don't be nice" does not mean "be cruel and mean."
[–]turnballZ0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you're being "nice" to your detriment then that would be considered beta. You can be a nice guy , but nice is such a subjective term
[–]Gunplayin0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
90% alpha nice- Cocky, witty, teasing, " your my little slut" etc. 10% beta nice- genuine compliments.
I dunno man. I give genuine compliments and don't feel a betrayal of the cause. "You're one of the best lays I've ever had" "You're the best at riding a d" I very recently told a nurse she was attractive, and she's immediately messaging me online, knowing I have other females in my life by my profile.
[–]Gunplayin0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You can't call the nurse your slut unless you've built rapport and banged her, obviously. I was talking about a girl you already have history with. You asked for opinions, just sharing what's worked for me.
I'm listening. It would be stupid to post, and not avidly read the comments. Also, "slut" usually turns out to be genuinely true for all women. When I say it, I'm not really joking. LoL
[–]HeyZeus1210 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Unselective kindness, ie being nice to everybody, is a sign of weakness. Being respectful is not the same as being nice. Only be nice to people who give you reason that they are worthy of it. Being respectful is more than sufficient for all others.
[–]throwmeaway3399 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is a difference between being "Nice" and being a doormat. Nothing wrong with being considerate, kind, polite, etc as long as you carry yourself in confident matter. Being a "nice guy" is going way beyond that, an emotional tampon, orbiting a girl, put everyone else's meaningless problems before your own basic needs etc. Be nice, don't be some girls tool.
[–]CoachGordonBombayD50 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's nothing Beta about being "Nice" if its actually genuine. What is Beta is putting on a phoney "nice" act to get a chick and pander to their needs. You can be a nice guy, and just not take any shit from anyone. Thats alpha without being a dick.
If you're being "nice" to someone for the lone reason of getting in their pants, its not genuine and its not really nice. Its an act, it's phoney (and usually pretty easy to spot)
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[–]projectself4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bbidabbong 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cmiovino1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]cmiovino1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flexiblehold1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]turnballZ0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gunplayin0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gunplayin0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DPestWork[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HeyZeus1210 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwmeaway3399 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CoachGordonBombayD50 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link