How to stop being intimidated when hanging out with higher value groups

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TheHayha
January 27, 2020
145 upvotes
askTRP

One important factor to have fun and fuck in college is to be in a group that is valuable. Due to a logistical problem, I had to hang out a whole week end with the highest value group of my college. You know, the kind of alphas we drool over on trp, and highly attractive girls that hang out with them. I had fun with them, partied with them, and I even reached the point where the one I connected the most with were like "damn that's so cool we met you, idk why we haven't before". I was accepted. But the issue is that even though I am decently attractive, tall, muscular, dress well, all the perceived high value stuff, I'm deep down still intimidated by some of them, and as a result I am not fully myself with them (I am not behaving as confident as I am with lower values group), it's like an internal sticking point. Has anyone encountered the same, or know how to overcome this ?


Post Information
Title How to stop being intimidated when hanging out with higher value groups
Author TheHayha
Upvotes 145
Comments 33
Date 27 January 2020 07:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/315553
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eustu8/how_to_stop_being_intimidated_when_hanging_out/
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Comments

[–]kentucky-windage169 points170 points  (6 children) | Copy

This has happened to me in both highschool and college. In highschool I transferred to a new school and randomly ended up in the “cool” group. In college when I rushed fraternities I was shocked to find bids from top house and second top. I couldn’t believe my luck, as I felt I had somehow finessed my way into these groups by some stroke of luck.

What I realized is this. I’m that cool. I’m that guy. It’s all in your head. It’s kind of like imposter syndrome, you’ll always feel like you’re impostering something you’re not. You wear an outfit and you’ll feel like it’s not actually your style, you’re just trying to look like so and so. Right now, you don’t feel like you’re that cool, but if everything else meets the standard, and they said they can’t believe they haven’t hung out with you, it means you are that guy. You are that alpha. You can run in those circles. Accept it. Act like it.

As much as this may seem like “chance” it’s not random that you were the person who was invited

[–]MarkJohnPaul32 points33 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hahaha I fucking love this comment dude.

The fucking is what it is mentality on your high status.

“I’m that cool. I’m that guy.”

Shit had me grinnin from ear to ear in pride hearing about you winning even more after accepting you’re a beast.

Good for you mate.

[–]kentucky-windage5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers buddy

[–]TheHayha[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the comment it's great to see that I'm not the only one feeling it, it makes so much sense, and it is still so hard to grasp at the same time. This makes me reflect on so many experiences that proved that I am that guy, or at least I can be. I guess imma fake it till I believe it.

[–]femaledoglover64 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup I had this same exact issue. Eventually my insecurities got the best of me and they nexted me, but looking back they all said the same things as your groups said to you, always gave me genuine compliments, etc. all the insecurity was just in my head. So don’t make the same mistake I did and remember if they’re telling you this stuff and you’re being invited to hang out with them then you are indeed on their level

[–]CookieAdmiral1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This answer right here. Imposter syndrome. You are it. Accept it. Went through something similar.

[–]TheHayha[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn I recently started acting like it these last days and so much happened, you were so right... Thank you

[–]DerpJungler41 points42 points  (1 child) | Copy

DGAF attitude

Abundance mentality

Lifting

Meditation & Breathing (Helps with clarity of mind and not saying stupid stuff)

Confidence (fake it till you make it, if necessary)

Basics that have helped me during college.

[–]TheHayha[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I was also thinking that meditation could be good for not letting the emotions control yourself and let loose.

[–]Zanford13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Learn from them. Keep hanging out with them and you will (subconsciously) adopt their alpha attitudes.

You said you were tall, so unless you have an unusually fugly face, any other looks shortcomings vs them can be overcome by lifting and a good haircut and wardrobe (which is also something that can be learned from them).

Keep hanging out with them if you can (without being a tagalong or inviting yourself pathetically). It will lift you up.

[–]kylerosa2115 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve felt this, and managed to no longer feel that way.

The way, I believe, to handle it is to realize that they really aren’t better than you. Nobody is. It’s important to treat yourself like and picture yourself as a god amongst men, so you then generate confidence. You must think this: if people don’t want anything to do with you, it’s their loss.

If you place yourself on the same level as them mentally, completely disregarding any discrepancies in status, looks, or women, then you’ll notice that you feel continuously less intimidated, and ultimately reach a point where you treat them as your equal.

[–]TheHayha[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Could you develop on how you see yourself ? Like you let your narcissist side grow into a monster ?

[–]kylerosa211 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

A little bit, I feel. It’s important to keep yourself in check, though. Remain humble, but know your value

[–]red__Man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

> Remain humble, but know your value

Wise words

[–]janaheyiloveyou4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Im feeling it now.. I used to be so introverted and withdrawn.. Now people see me as fuckable and cool.. Even a girl told me that she dreamt about me out loud in front of my friends.. Its crazy.. I feel like a pussy ahhaha... But yeah.. It means that youre on the right track and youre become that cool guy.. Keep on learning

[–]TheWalkingNightmare0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What happened? How did you transform?

[–]majani0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Probably lost weight. That's usually the most dramatic SMV increase possible.

[–]TheWalkingNightmare0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don't become 'cool' just by losing weight though.

[–]janaheyiloveyou0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha no.. It was just a change in mindset.. Not giving a fuck.. And not caring when i fuck up or say stupid shit.. And making moves.. Talking to girls.. And just recently.. Blocking a girl i was talking to and she just turned super emotional towards me.. I dig it.. Dont be needy.. Dont be reactive.. That is all.. It doesnt matter if someone makes fun of you.. All that matters is how you react.. (not reacting is reacting.. Appear unphased) youll realise most people have good stuff about them and bad stuff.. And so do you.. Most people arent as great as you fanrasize.. Theyre pretty meh with meh lives.. Its okay to be quirky

[–]FinallyRed2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give it some time. Don't worry too much if it doesn't end up working out with you joining them long term. That's life. Get the value you can from associating with them, be it genuine friendship because you actually like them as people, or exposure to confident people behavior and status boost for as long as you can tolerate being around them.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]TheHayha[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What kind of power do you mean ? I speak english very well (not my native language in case you haven't noticed) so I can chat with people from every country like it's nothing, while they stutter like retards, even though this situation in particular is rare, is it that kind of demonstration of value you are referring to ?

[–]Fiendorfoes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not sure about everyone, but personally, I tend to “feed” off the groups energy. Using it to my advantage. Even if I don’t know the group very well, it is still better than not knowing anyone. So you already have a slight advantage in such a situation. Obviously vibe-ing off the other guys will only get you so far, but it can do wonders for you self esteem if you go out with good friends that are willing and able to read the room/situation. And back you up, or help you to ease the tension and break the ice, but not to stick around too long and ruin your vibe and chances. Pick your friends wisely for this!

[–]1XXXMersenne1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Check these out

[–]OfficerWade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing. Guys use money to their advantage as women grade us, not in our self worth but within the boundaries of our success.

[–]robbiedigital0010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Become higher value yourself, put the work in. build strength value and confidrnce

[–]biezpiens0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i usually just remind myself that i could choke the whole room out if decide to.

[–]red__Man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i takes time for your brain to adapt, similar to what happens when you start getting big but your brain is still used to the small you, but time heals everything bro

[–]dtyler860 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The key is to realize, maybe even make a point to identify (not out loud or openly), they’re weaknesses and insecurities. It will remind you they’re insecure and likely not as stoic as they seem. Confidence does that. Even my wealthiest, best dressed, most attractive and well educated Friends have a bad understanding of music and art and that is their biggest insecurity. If you talk to them about anything involving music they get very embarrassed and very humbled.

[–]TheHayha[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

True, they aren't made of gold and i've noticed it.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

did you ever graduate high school?

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]TheHayha[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for responding. I lift and won't stop lifting, I will take care of my appearance, but what's the point though ? My problem is not being accepted, but struggling to get my subconscious believe that I fit with cool people.



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