Caught her in her dm's

UEMcGill · 2020-10-14T12:39:52+00:00

Whether it be this woman, future kids, subordinates at work, anyone for that matter, you should never shoot the messenger. If you catch your girl in a lie and then freak out on her, all you will do is drive her future actions further underground.

Work to establish upfront what the rules of operation are. In my house dishonesty gets punished worse than the crime. With my wife, I've reiterated that she's my first officer and that she gets that job because of trust. I made it clear very early in the relationship, that I will never freak out on her because of bad news, and that we can figure it out after. What I haven't said is there are boundaries that I will not accept being crossed. The goal is to keep them bringing you information, keep them trusting that you will react accordingly.

In the case of your current girl what you do is up to you. If you're going to demote her, just do it. You don't owe her an explanation. If this is not an event driven by past reactions you've had, it's a major red flag.

Ultimately with any woman, you can craft their behavior to suit your needs. Drop subtle hints like how you hate liars, "Hey I'm a grown man I can take the truth" and if you catch them in little white lies punish them for the lie. "What you did wasn't bad, it was that you lied to me give me a few days to think" A quality woman will work to keep in your good graces. Once these habits are built in her, it's that much easier when the hard shit comes.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-10-14T13:23:40+00:00

Girls lie because it's Tuesday, over inconsequential shit.

You've found out you can't trust her. Nothing new under the sun.

This is also the part where I say, "If you were maintaining sexual relationships with multiple women, none of this would matter."

bluepilljesus · 2020-10-14T09:43:25+00:00

Always when this kind of shit happens just remember in your mind this ” they are all sluts ” - AMS

Dont confront her.

ur8moms · 2020-10-14T11:00:36+00:00

Demote her to plate. And also Plate other women

PokeyTifu99 · 2020-10-14T14:12:15+00:00

Women who are obsessed with social media should never be more than a plate.

dr_warlock · 2020-10-14T13:33:14+00:00

Someone remind me of the post titled along the lines of "oh, so that's what we're doing?" It was field report about saying that line with no explanation and immediately doing what she was doing or go for other girls. In her confusion she examines her own behavior and realizes it was probably 'action X' and she stops doing that along with ensuring she doesn't do other inappropriate behaviors and mind games.

DerekMorganBAU · 2020-10-14T13:48:31+00:00

Say "Oh, is this what we're doing now?'

"Aight," then nod your head.

Then go hit up other bitches. Just tell her straight up that she can talk to whoever she wants. And now so can you.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2020-10-14T15:11:56+00:00

I used to be like you, now I care far less and life is better.

Women are inherently idiots most can’t be trusted. I think this is also why they can’t maintain friendships.

Wilson-AOL · 2020-10-14T16:09:29+00:00

Just demote her to plate.

Ryzza778 · 2020-10-14T14:46:27+00:00

Unfortunately this is how its going to be now due to social media.So easy for other guys to slide into your girls dm's now , If you start slipping or losing frame she will always keep her options open and move onto another guy who has higher status/social proof etc

CameOnHerBitties · 2020-10-14T20:09:00+00:00

Demotion

brianmcg321 · 2020-10-14T21:20:58+00:00

Just how you describe her, don't put in any effort or any more time. She isn't worth it.

Tambamwham · 2020-10-14T22:21:08+00:00

The best way to handle this is also the best way not to cone off as beta. First of all, having boundaries and expecting your girl not to engage with other men is not even close to beta. You handle this by down grading her. Let her be a fuck buddy who gets about 25% of effort and attention you give her now and who can do as she pleases. You do the same. Remove your commitment and treat other women the way she allows other men to treat her.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2020-10-15T09:36:17+00:00

First mistake is having a gf...

...there are only plates,ons,fwb, gfs are for guys that enjoy being cucked.

Many don't even know they're being cheated on.

Durr muh girl is loyal.

Durr she's a real one.

Nope, she is from the streets.

iny_m · 2020-10-14T09:45:12+00:00

Tell her what’s up.

She gonna breakup or cheat on you anyways. Might as well make it painful for her as well.

IXseed · 2020-10-14T12:34:55+00:00

In her defense, girls will get messages from dudes like this all the time to the point they just blend together. So she most likely glossed over it and actually didn't see it. Just because some dude sends her some hearts, doesn't mean she's gonna go off and suck his dick. She may not even like the guy like that.

I wouldn't blow up about it.

ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2020-10-14T09:57:36+00:00

Observe her behaviour, don't confront her about it.

It's probably no big deal, but If it really bothers you, snoop her phone. Either way, work on your plate game.

jhx264 · 2020-10-14T15:16:05+00:00

How did she lie?

Title	Caught her in her dm's
Author	Athrownoway
Upvotes	23
Comments	34
Date	October 14, 2020 9:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/jaxjtr/caught_her_in_her_dms/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/caught-her-in-her-dms.324063 https://theredarchive.com/post/324063

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