In light of this post, i thought now might be a good time to revisit cheating tells. so without further adieu, herewith:

Signs your GF/wife is cheating on you

You need to see a constellation of occurrences or behaviors to conclude cheating might be going on. Just one or two of these doesn't necessarily mean cheating. But if you're seeing four or more of these signs at the same time, suspicion is high.

Number one overarching sign: Changes. Change in her routines, grooming, work habits, moods.

--new clothes. New lingerie/undergarments, especially.

--new hairstyle/makeup.

--more revealing clothes - low cut tops, tighter more form fitting clothes.

--Previously blase or indifferent to her personal appearance while not at work; is now very self conscious about her personal appearance at all times.

--Major cheating tell: A woman previously quite uninterested in exercise or healthy eating suddenly goes on health/workout kick. Losing weight. Getting in shape. Starts going to the gym religiously. Frequently mentions and talks about Brock, her personal trainer. Joins a country club. Starts taking tennis lessons. Takes up yoga.

--changes in grooming pubic area. Before she trimmed; now she shaves or waxes. Or vice versa.

--starts looking into cosmetic procedures. Breast augmentation. Botox. Peeling. Talks about "maybe getting some work done" (that you will be expected to pay for, of course).

--never leaves the house without doing hair and makeup, and being dressed well.

--mood changes. Has abruptly and suddenly become sullen, defensive, snarky and moody around you; but suddenly brightens up while using her phone. Comes home in good mood initially but mood sours as the night wears on.

--The way she relates to you has changed. She's more moody, defensive, sullen and irritated. Everything you do, your very presence, annoys and irritates her. When asked about what she does, she's overly disclosing, or extremely defensive. She gives way, way more detail about where she was or what she was doing than you would expect or asked for. This indicates an overly rehearsed cover story. Or, she responds defensively and aggressively: "Why do you want to know? Don't you trust me? Are you accusing me of something?" This indicates being caught off guard without a cover story.

--When explaining her whereabouts or doings or goings on, repeatedly peppers her explanations with "honestly" - because she knows she's being dishonest. When explaining herself, her voice pitches up, she speaks at an accelerated pace, and tears up or cries -- all signs of anxiety and fear at getting caught.

Or, turns on the waterworks fully: Breaks into heavy crying, heaving sobs, and extreme weeping. Women resort to the waterworks to throw themselves on a man's mercy, to trigger his protective instincts, and to deflect his thoughts from leaving or harming her. Women know to do this and evolved an ability to do this with men for all sorts of reasons, for everything from getting out of speeding tickets to getting men to buy shit for her to keeping men from beating the ever loving shit out of them.

When explaining her whereabouts or goings on on two or more occasions, gives two differing explanations for the same absence.

--Suddenly is very disinterested in sex with you. Repeatedly rejects you and pushes you away. Suddenly disinterested in sex acts she used to do with you. Suddenly refuses to do them.

Or, alternatively, she's ramped up the sex. She demonstrates interest in sex acts she'd never shown interest in before. She shows skill or proficiency in certain sex acts or techniques that she'd never been interested in or done before with you.

--routine changes. Abruptly has had to spend more time "late at the office". Increase in overnight "work trips". Changes in times she leaves for work and comes home from work. Suddenly spending much more time away from home.

--phone usage. Spending A LOT more time on her phone, clearly texting.

--Receives phone call or looks at phone, then suddenly announces she has to go to the store or work to "get something I need" and is gone for an inordinate amount of time.

--territorial and defensive about phone. Phone always with her. Phone always by her side. Will not allow you to use or see her phone. While using or texting phone, holds phone in ways so that no one can see the screen. When setting phone down, she always sets or leaves it screen down.

--Phone is ringing at odd hours. Notifications or alerts pinging in the middle of the night. She wakes up or gets up and moves away from the bed or out of the bedroom, taking the phone with her.

--increase in sudden need to "go out and" do/get something. Sudden trips to work after dinner because "i forgot something I need there". Sudden need for trips to the store because "we need something".

--marks and bruising, especially on breasts, arms and thighs.

--Has new friends you've never heard of before.

I leave you with one of Roissy's (RIP, PBUH) maxims:

When the love is gone, a woman can be as cold to you as if she had never known you.

Be careful out there.