Coping/general advice for a later bloomer that missed his "best years"?

DeepC1980 · 2020-03-08T13:01:37+00:00

39 years old here. I can tell you right now your life has barely even started. Your best years are definitely yet to come. Men age like fine wine, we get better with time.

You will learn with time there are more important things in life than parties, college friends and women. You should be focusing on studying and getting the best grades you can while you're in college. There are plenty of time for those other things afterwards. You will regret it later in life if you don't succeed with your studies while you're young. Once you are 30+, there are too many other responsibilities and commitments - doing any more study/education become a lot harder, so crush it and get it done now.

Join a gym and start lifting, get onto it right now. Take those negative feelings out on the iron. If you can get that discipline happening now, you'll thank yourself later in life (and the side effect of laying higher SMV women). If you are feeling down about being "overweight and physically unattractive", fix it now. It will get harder the longer you leave it and the older you get. There's a tonne of good advice on TRP around fitness and nutrition.

Once you start seeing gains and the weight falling off, you will start to build self confidence, and that will radiate through all aspects of your lfie. There are only good things that come from lifting.

Sort your shit out before even thinking about women. Focus on yourself, block out the external. Don't compare yourself to anyone else on your campus. There will always be someone who will appear to have more than you, regardless of where you are at. Fuck em, build your own empire. Get started now brother. Remember this time for when you're smashing 8's and 9's, and have a six figure salary. You'll look back and laugh.

Savaaage · 2020-03-08T12:24:44+00:00

21 and you already think you missed your best years lmao. You're basically saying your life can't get better. It's too early to say that. Come on chin up.

Lostfate09 · 2020-03-08T13:37:41+00:00

Missed your best years? you're 21 you muppet, what are you talking about...

alphakari · 2020-03-08T13:53:59+00:00

Age

21 v.s 18= No difference really.

Average age of a person who gets into med school is around 24-26, when most people would assume it's 21-22.

At that age no one will even treat you different. If it really bothers you, just lie about your age.

Failing out of college

This is a problem. Sit down and decide on something to do with your life. If you can't, pick something that doesn't need much planning. Pick a trade or some shit. If you want to go back to college and go do something fancier, you can change your mind later, but you need a default so that you stop wasting your life.

At the bare minimum, get a minimum wage job.

Overweight

Get a planet fitness gym membership to start. Run every day. If you're sore that doesn't mean you're overtraining. It just means you're sore. Install Stronglifts 5x5 and watch the lifting videos in between. Swap to a gym with a barbell and power-rack.

Do flexibility training at home every day starting TODAY. There is no excuse for not being able to do at least that.

It's so hard just trying to go from -100 to 0.

No it isn't. Everything that is hard about that comes from inside you, not from outside. You're trying to hamster a romantic story about your life, and can't seem to tell one that doesn't start from graduating college with your dream job at 21, with offers from the NFL, etc. This is how girls think. It's not how men approach life.

Buy "Can't Hurt Me" Audiobook to get perspective on one of many superior mindsets. Read "Musashi".

Friends

Meh. You have more pertinent things to worry about right now. Try to be a friendly guy. You know that guy who always has a smile on his face? Start there for now, but I wouldn't recommend putting more than 10% of your energy into this. You probably just got this grim "Destroyed by life" look on your face all the time.

You're ugly

No one cares if someone's ugly if they're competent and not weird. Have you seen what elon musk looked like before he became a billionaire? Guy looks like he should be the manager of a white castle.

And learn gratitude for the good things you have and what accomplishments you have done. You could be some guy with down syndrome or cerebral palsy or some shit. At least you are actually salvageable.

trele_morele · 2020-03-08T15:19:02+00:00

21 years old is nothing dude. You lack a little perspective, that's all.

Let me just say this. As long as your best 5 years happened between right now and 5 years ago (regardless of current age) that means you're doing ok

PrettyBarbiePerson · 2020-03-08T13:04:01+00:00

There’s a reason it’s called being a pussy

theUnBannableHulk · 2020-03-08T13:46:03+00:00

You seem like someone who thinks too much you’re quite young.

Read sidebar and 50 Shades of Red for women.

Stoicism first Mascukine development

The-Knowing · 2020-03-08T14:23:14+00:00

You're not a woman, you haven't missed your best years. Your best years are ahead of you as a man. You have the potential to make things exponentially better with time, your looks included.

Have no real friends

This is one of the things you should figure out first. Doesn't matter how alpha you feel if you aren't part of a tribe. Find or make a tribe.

Overweight and physically unattractive

Fix this immediately with small incremental steps.

I hate playing catch up when theres guys walking around my campus hanging out with friends everyday, going to parties every weekend, having like 15+ women under their belt.

Life is unfair, move on. And also most guys don't have that level of abundance, most guys are actually all playing catch up.

Can I still live a dope ass life?

Only if you decide to. It doesn't just happen.

2020-03-08T14:28:33+00:00

Man, wtf. I need you to listen to me here.

"I missed out on my best years" or something similar is every man's thoughts when they begin changing shit. How do I know? I had a traumatic childhood, which left me unable to speak to girls until I was about 18. At 18, I moved to college far away, began improving myself and working on confidence, etc. By 19, I was doing very well with girls--I am 22 now.

Do you know what thoughts still seep into my head? "You missed out on a lot of freshman year of college. You missed out on lots of girls in HS who were hot and liked you. You never took a girl's virginity."

But do you know what I do when those thoughts creep up?

Brush them the fuck away. Because I know they're nonsense and bullshit.

Think about it. What do you really want out of life? To party? To fuck women? To be cool? You have plenty of years to do those things. If it takes you a year to improve yourself and get all that in order starting right now, you'll have it all by 22. From there, you can spend from 22-27 doing all of that. If you can fuck 10 girls per year and party every weekend (very achievable), you can fuck 50 girls in that span and go to over 300 parties.

And having been there now... you know what's interesting? Nobody who is sane really wants to make hedonism their life's mission. You just need to do it enough to get it out of you. If you started at 18 (like I did), you may be burnt out by 22 (like I kind of am). If you start at 22, maybe you're burnt out at 27.

You can't see that side of things right now, because you don't have experience. But when you do, you'll see that you really missed nothing. Especially being that young.

But it depends on your life goals. For me, I've always wanted to stop playing the field by time I'm 30, since I want to have a son, and I want to be young enough to train this young man to be a lifting machine, a sports superstar, and dedicated to his studies at the same time. That takes a lot of effort. Effort I know I will need to be younger to expend. If you had a similar timeline at all for your life, you still have nearly a decade to do what you want. You will not want to use the full decade.

So, my best advice to you. Figure out what you REALLY want. Chances are you haven't missed the boat on it at all.

EdvardMunch · 2020-03-08T15:46:00+00:00

Haha dude. I didnt lose my virginity til 23. At 26- now Ive been living mostly in my prime doing all and more of what I feared was over at 25.

More than any of the good advice bits you find here the best Ill think of is really want it. You need to really want it.

cfbovernfl · 2020-03-08T17:17:19+00:00

You're 21 and you missed your best years? FOH and stop whining. Reported.

Title	Coping/general advice for a later bloomer that missed his "best years"?
Author	BruhMoment45886
Upvotes	10
Comments	13
Date	March 8, 2020 12:09 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ffbpl5/copinggeneral_advice_for_a_later_bloomer_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/copinggeneral-advice-for-a-later-bloomer-that.353365 https://theredarchive.com/post/353365

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