Laura Doyle 5-day Challenge

vintagegirlgame · 2021-01-06T00:56:09+00:00

Day 1: Relinquishing Control

“A surrendered wife knows she can’t change anyone but herself”

Do you feel: * like making helpful suggestions * secretly smarter than him * like showing/teaching him how to do things * frustrated at his lack of response so you do/say things that you know you shouldn’t * like he is trying to control you

If so then you are being a controlling wife.

Different skills are required for work and love. At work we manage people/things. In love we want natural intimacy and romance. Men don’t like to be managed and will resist or do the opposite of what you say. It’s important to change your hat at the end of the work day.

The urge to control = FEAR. Ask yourself: * What are you afraid of? * Is that fear realistic? * can you really control it? * is it worth the cost in intimacy to try to control it?

Cheat phrase: when he asks your opinion you simply say “Whatever you think.” Over time you may have trained him to always asks for your opinion or permission for things he’s capable of doing himself. Undoing this pattern of control will help him to trust himself again and restore intimacy.

vintagegirlgame · 2021-01-06T00:55:59+00:00

Day 0/Intro: Self Care

Make a list of 20 Self Care activities

These should be things you really enjoy, not things you should do. They can be cheap/quick if you are limited on time/money, but they are for your pleasure. The more frivolous the better. Many women (esp moms) are overworked and have no self care habits. You need to start making yourself happy before your husband can make you happy.

Schedule at least 3 of them per day. Feel free to share ideas below.

vintagegirlgame · 2021-01-06T21:03:58+00:00

Day 2:

More tips on using “Whatever you think” (WYT): * don’t use WYT when he’s asking to know your desire and how to make you happy. Ex: if he asks where you want to go to dinner, you can reply “I would really love Italian!” Learn the distinction between an opinion and a desire. * It can be ok to communicate information as long as your opinion is not in it. Ex: he’s asking what to do about a car payment and you pull up a calculator that can show the monthly breakdowns. * these cheat phrases are Tools not Rules, so you can use them as you see fit

It may be scary to let go of control, but he’s a sovereign adult and is allowed to exercise his right to be wrong. Making mistakes is how we learn. In the end men need LIFE lessons not WIFE lessons.

Then there’s great interview with Kathy who has an amazing story of how she turned around her relationship. I won’t cover the whole interview here (she’s also interviewed in the 1st Empowered Wives Podcast) but one of the turning points was:

Kathy’s 2nd marriage was falling apart and they were sleeping in separate rooms. After reading the Surrendered Wife she finally realized she has something to do with the failures of both marriages, where she had been going to counseling expecting the counselor to fix her man so that she could be happy. One day her husband asked her “what do I do about this cell phone bill” and she said “Whatever you think.” “No I really need you to tell me what to do here” he replied. And she said “Whatever you think, I trust you to make the right decision for our family.” This was foreign and scary for her but later that night she crawled into his bed for the first time in months and he put an arm around her and said “you were so nice today.” From then on she sought out Laura personally to help save her marriage and she knew she wanted to share this with more women. Now she has the marriage of her dreams and runs all the Laura Doyle coaching programs.

It’s a daily practice to let go of control and even today Kathy catches herself. She recently went to the store w her husband and he wanted to make a nice salmon dinner for them. She reached for the cheapest store brand seasoning but he reached for the most expensive bottle and said “No we need the best.” She had to stop herself from being controlling about their budget and just said “ok!” and realize that he wanted to treat her to the best. It’s little things like this that keep the intimacy intact.

An interesting take away from this interview for me was when Kathy said that there is so much support out there for divorce. It’s easy to find people and professionals that will tell you “leave him!” It’s so important to have people or a community that actually stands for your marriage.

That’s what I love about RPW and the Empowered Wives communities. When we have a relationship issue it doesn’t mean we just want someone to say “what a jerk leave him!” Women need safe spaces where they know that even if he’s done something terrible, that if they still want to be married that they can still find support. LD’s communities have many women who’s husbands have had an affair or is asking for a divorce or even living with the OW, and so many of these women have turned their relationships around where he comes home and they rebuild a beautiful relationship. I’ve never come across a school quite like it. LD’s mission is to “End World Divorce” and it’s really inspiring to see so many success stories in a world that is so quick to say “run away!”

HappilyMrs · 2021-01-07T21:28:48+00:00

Are any of you in the FB group? Some of the comments about the state of relationships shocked me. Like, if he cheated and then moves in with the new woman years ago and says he love the new woman, I would say 5 days to get a happy marriage with him is just not going to happen.

Is that a bit cynical of me?

HappilyMrs · 2021-01-08T17:46:26+00:00

Oh gosh yesterday's story about the husband 😭😭 I can't even imagine!

Which_Honeydew_5510 · 2021-01-06T02:44:32+00:00

Really off topic, and I’m on mobile, but I jumped when I saw her pic. I think her hair being down, blunt bangs, dark brows, and the publicity smile all combined freaked me out! 😂 I hope that’s not mean.

Title	Laura Doyle 5-day Challenge
Author	vintagegirlgame
Upvotes	25
Comments	14
Date	January 6, 2021 12:41 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/krc5pm/laura_doyle_5day_challenge/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/laura-doyle-5-day-challenge.359715 https://theredarchive.com/post/359715

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