Introduction

This is going to be a bit of anger, frustration, bargaining, and a gigantic fucking thank you for this movement existing. I have just split ties with my fourth or fifth "unicorn" and because of this place, I now understand why. I am angry, but not at her, but because this is the way I've come to understand the way relationships and male/female interactions work. If not for this sub, I'd be crying, using, and a bunch of other self destructive behaviors trying to understand why the girl that "loves me" wants to destroy me.

Body

I want to tell you a story. For lack of going into too many details, I come from a broken home of essentially a single mother (dad's around but is pretty much textbook blue pill) and two sisters. My intellect brought me to a very prestigious university, and through my first few years I fell apart. I've had drug issues, food issues, I've dealt with depression/suicide/mania, and prior to this summer, I had not been with a woman for 4 years.

In high school, I dated the same girl for 3.5 years (typical gooey love), and it ended with her and my best bro at the time cheating behind my back for 3 months by the time I found out. I basically had a break through. I dropped 70lbs (I was incredibly overweight, 250 at 5'11), joined the gym once I got my license, started running to deal with anger, and cut out junk food. I presumed to make a list, I actually physically made a fucking list of the girls I was going to get with by the time I left for college. By the time I graduated, I slept with six of her closest friends and some others, who all of course had to tell so and so, and it got around. I never spoke to her once after we broke up, she contacted me several times, sometimes in blind rage after she found out about another girl I had been with. I learned so many RP truths without this sub's existence, without ever hearing about MGTOW or any others.

Then I went to college, and the male pool was much bigger, and the female much smaller (I go to an engineering school, ratio is bad). Somehow I reverted back to wanting true love and trying to find a relationship, and I struck out or was friend zoned more times than I care to admit. The extremes of surviving here with a good GPA, but mostly my own poor decisions of handling the stress by resorting to addictive behaviors, led me down a dark road. I managed to pull myself out of it last fall with: you guessed it, lifting. I joined to PL team at school, started to pick up a barbell again like I had previously, and never looked back. My entire perceptions changed.

Through the winter I tripped over this sub, and read......and read...and read more. At first, disbelief. No, these guys are just crazy. They just had a few bad experiences. And I read more...and more...and somehow something kept bringing me back here. Some of it, it's right. Then, after a while, almost all of it seemed so. I left in the spring stabilized, an entire new group of what many would deem at least semi-alpha males as teammates, a great physique, and an insane amount of knowledge and goals. I'm graduating this fall, and I have already been accepted to a Doctorate program next May.

Things took a turn this summer. I met her. I met "the one". I met "the one" on Tinder you guys!!! In hindsight, I now cannot believe the way I came to think this way. The summer was great though, and I employed a few RP tactics to get her to enjoy and beg to do that "nasty shit that a proper girl should never do" (danx guys) and continue working on myself despite being in an LTR. It came to the end in August with us being on complete opposite ends of the coast. We agreed to split up to see other people.

Here's where my relapse comes in. I got mono the very first week of school. No lifting. No partying. No meeting anyone new. Depression, and stuck to a bed 14 hours per day. I reached out to talk to her on several occasions, she wasn't even the slightest supportive or could care less that she gave me mono and took away the things I love doing. This went on for a week. I finally lost it and told her she wasn't being loyal or supportive, yet still dumping her problems on me, and told her I'd see her in December. Two weeks pass, I'm now much better, I went to the gym for the first time today just to do some curls and leg extensions and bullshit with my teammates. I get a text, "Miss you."

I finally thought, "cool, she's now understood the error of her ways, she's going to apologize and ask to get back with me." Thank Christ for you guys, or I would have done it. The conversation basically went something like this:

  • She apologizes for not being supportive

  • She tells me she loves me so much and has been wanting to text me for days

  • She tells me all about how she went on a date but "it wasn't anything serious, and I couldn't stop thinking about you"

  • We start to talk about December and next summer, I start to get a little bit of the feelz

  • I snap out of it, explain that I cannot do it, knowing that she'll be back at school sleeping with frat guys after we part ways (sorority girl...my first mistake for an LTR)

  • She completely loses her shit, starts screaming and crying, telling me she loves me, she dreams about being married together, I start to come around a bit and just explain that it's a very painful situation

  • She tells me I'm breaking her heart, that she never expected it to happen (lol, really honey? You expected to hurt me instead?)

  • I start to like the idea of getting back together, I say "If you happen to be around me next summer, we'll talk and maybe we can get back together"

Here's where I cannot thank you guys enough. I get curious. Right after the conversation ends (also thank you, maintained frame the whole way, she told me I'm "different, and cold") I text her and ask "I want the truth, and you will not offend me either way, have you slept with anyone since being back?" She replies "I have." I reply, "Okay. I will not be getting back together with you at any point in the future. Thank you for your honesty."

Thirty minutes later, she replies she's so sorry, she was only alone, she still loves me, and so on. I reply "If you still loved me this whole time, why would you go find another dick? Goodbye ______" Cut her off of social media and blocked her number. I almost wish I had kept the number to see the stream of "feelz" afterwards. But it wouldn't make me a better person, and that's all I'm after at this point.

Thank you. Don't let this sub get thrown in the fire.

TL;DR Found my unicorn, wanted to do a LDR, she gave me honesty, I cut her loose