Getting angry when recalling past blue pill/beta incidents

sir_wankalot_here · 2015-11-19T13:12:32+00:00

Ask yourself the question "Did you make the best choices possible with the information you had available ?" Most of the time the answer is yes. Learn from the past but don't dwell in it.

killtheblue · 2015-11-19T07:02:41+00:00

I'm right there with you. I'm 35 and feel like throwing up when I think about my past betaness. Like cringe until my face explodes. I swallowed the pill a little over a year ago. I'm still struggling in many areas but feel positive about the future and am much happier overall. I wish I would have found this at your age but oh well. What's done is done we can only go forward.

Sdom1 · 2015-11-19T16:21:51+00:00

Find a good boxing or MMA gym. Not an LA boxing or McDojo - find a gym that produces people that get in the ring or cage and do well. Don't say anything to anybody about your training. This will be difficult at first, but trust me, it will make you a target and you want to be at a decent proficiency level before that happens. It's like two islands with deep ocean in between - you don't want trouble in the middle.

Along with that, start lifting weights. Starting strength is a good program. Concentrate on form first and build weight gradually.

Give that six months to a year and I guarantee you'll be able to beat your stepfather like he owes you money, and he'll know it, unless the size difference between you two is just ridiculous. If it is, get good at BJJ and at that point let him know that if he gives you one iota of shit ever again that you'll break every bone in his body.

Different things work on different people. For some people, you give respect, you get respect. For other people, respect comes from having a skill or providing some value. For others, respect is only earned when they can't push you around.

dbtlsdn999 · 2015-11-19T05:50:11+00:00

The world is a very messed up place. I'm glad that you've swallowed the truth and embraced it. I hope it turns for the better my friend.

thewrongkindaguyff7 · 2015-11-20T17:39:05+00:00

About the part with your step father , be mindful that maybe he wants you to step up and try to hit him so he can call the cops on you for assault and look better in your moms eyes. When people bully like that it usually goes that route and was the original idea all along.

FragElder · 2015-11-20T14:56:12+00:00

Just learn to let those experiences go. Your failures will define you as a person and help guide you to be the person you want to be. The thing about all successful people that they never tell you about or show correctly in popular media is how often and how much they fail. Successful people aren't born or just have a natural talent to do everything right, they've failed spectacularly countless times. There's a phrase along the lines of "the difference between the master and the amateur is that the master has failed more times than the amateur has tried". If you learn from your failures they can become a powerful tool for learning and improving yourself, if you obsess about them they can be prisons that prevent you from putting yourself in uncomfortable situations that may benefit you or help you grow as a person.

For the first situation the problem is not having a strong enough frame. If my girlfriends "friend" did that to me, she would completely cut contact with them. There were situations in the past where my ex would ask me if she should stop talking to other people for even smaller infractions, or she would simply feel uncomfortable continuing a relationship with that person due to the contrast between that persons feelings about me and her investment in me. If she didn't offer to cut contact, you shouldn't have asked, that would have just weakened your state even more. You should have asked your girl friend how it makes her feel that her "friend" would try to sabotage her boyfriends career and how she can be friends with people like that. Then say if your friend did that you wouldn't be friends with them anymore, hopefully if your frame was decent this would have been enough for her to set her friend straight or remove her from her life.

For the second situation, it's hard to act in the moment because you aren't really thinking, you're just acting on whatever your trained instincts are. If you aren't experienced with fighting people or dealing with physical intimidation, then you will default to your fight or flight instincts, which will most likely be to take an unintimidating stance in order to yield to the aggressor (ie lowering the tone of your voice, slouched posture, looking at the ground, general meekness).

One of the best things I've done for confidence is training MMA/BJJ/Muay Thai/Boxing for about a decade. I've been in enough fights to the point that I don't get physically intimidated by anyone anymore, despite the fact I am sometimes at a size disadvantage. It's very off putting for other people when their usual physical intimidation tactics don't work, if you simply stand your ground with a quiet confident stance, they will back down 99% of the time. I've had people start fights with me or even try to rob me that back down when I just say no or refuse to be intimidated. My father used to use these tactics on me all the time when growing up because of the size difference, but doesn't try them much anymore. He has anger issues and will sometimes default to physical intimidation, but I can tell in his eyes he knows I would put him in the hospital and it's all false bravado.

Look up Mike Tyson stare downs and his philosophy on the stare down and assessing weakness in other men. Or look at guys like CroCops stare downs. These guys have the training and experience to back up their show of confidence, which is hard to imitate. But false shows of confidence are a good survival strategy that you see all the time in the animal kingdom and in humans. It's why the loudest and most outrageous individuals are the worst fighters, they're making enormous displays in hopes that their opponent decides not to fight them.

flat6turbo · 2015-11-19T17:28:13+00:00

my dad used to ask me aggressive questions with physical intimidation until one day around age 15 i just fucking tackled him onto the couch. i would rather get my ass kicked and sleep on the street than deal with that shit.

problem solved forever.

you don't need to be able to kick someone's ass, you just need to make it extremely inconvenient for them to order you around.

648262 · 2015-11-19T07:41:24+00:00

That girl at work? Fuck her - it seems to be a hostile place for you in general. You can't change the actions that happened and your boss has to fire you if it happens again. I would start looking for a new job. Not just because of that, but usually you'll be able to find one that pays better. When you have a job you're more secure and can be pickier. If you lost your job now you're going to be desperate and take the first and worst job you'll get.

The second incident is one major shit test. Do everything in your power to not answer questions and not take him seriously. Laugh at him, agree and amplify, smile and leave. All those things. If he actually turns it into a physical situation you let the police handle it. You're an adult - can't go around being someone's bitch anymore. Not like that anyway.

We all have things that makes us cringe when looking back on them. It helps understanding that they are gone and can not be changed. I have situations where I am immensely impressed by myself as well. But none of it matters. What you do today should be your focal point.

ThrowThisOneInTheBin · 2015-11-19T12:42:18+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I think a stoic approach is the best. Analyze your past and learn from it what you can, but also recognize that it's the past. You can't change it. Feeling negative emotions because of it is not productive. Try to strip the past of emotions, divine what lessons you can from it and move on.

taw127 · 2015-11-19T16:08:44+00:00

I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone else:

I've always had a natural knack for music. As early as middle-school I used to cope with overwhelming feeling by writing songs (most were shitty).

Since swallowing the pill, I've looked back on my life and choices (as recent as 8 months ago) and realized what a shit-head I was.

The worst part for me is realizing later what the optimal way to act would have been in those situations. How I could have come out of situations on top. How I could have cut toxic people out of my life earlier. Even how I could have salvaged by last LTR and made it a good relationship on my own terms.

But you can't obsess over that stuff. Here's what I allow myself to do: I will channel all my regret and self-criticism into a song. While I am composing, I will allow myself to feel every last bit of shame, humiliation, and anger that a particular memory brings to me. And then I will stop.

By no means will composing one song per memory/feeling take care of everything. But in this way I limit those shitty feelings to particular times and focus them onto creating something beautiful (or at the very least cathartic).

I know not everyone is a musician. But if you have a creative outlet, I would recommend channeling your past memories and anger into that.

[deleted] · 2015-11-19T19:40:46+00:00

Recondition your response to these events.

Anger begets anger. Fortunately, lulz beget lulz.

Does it make me happy that I used to do dumb shit? No. Does it make me giggle about how unbelievably dumb it was tho? Hell yeah.

Once you can review all your memories and realize how funny it is that you used to do such dumb shit, you'll be glad you did it.

nantucketghost · 2015-11-19T13:43:29+00:00

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babydocnorman · 2015-11-19T14:57:16+00:00

Use your anger about your past as fuel for your self improvement. Whenever I don't feel like going to the gym, I purposely reflect on things that happened to me during my pre RP days and say to myself 'never again'. Works every time.

BradPill · 2015-11-19T16:25:17+00:00

Same here.... cringe-worthy for sure. Although I do look back at some Alpha-moments (coming from some deeper inner sense that I had to stand up for myself, or 'that something didn't feel right'), it was not consistent - rather, hit and miss.... Also, I'm pretty laid-back (on the outside), laughing at the stupidity and vanity of so many people, almost like an outsider - meaning, I don't have to prove myself... But jealous at you, you discovering this at age 20 - wished I could do my life over :)

One thing: if your GF is 'best-friends' with a co-worker that actively throws you under the bus, what does that say about her (GF) loyalty towards you? I know, loyalty is for and among men, not M-F, but why would you be intimate with a person that accepts her man being harmed as a provider? I would seriously reconsider my priorities.... And as mentioned before, try to find a new/better job - stuff the company, as they don't show any loyalty to you either.

Wax on, wax off, grasshopper.

verify_account · 2015-11-19T20:25:26+00:00

Stop living or visiting home. Problem solved. You need to learn to cut bad people out of your life.

Borsao66 · 2015-11-20T05:47:23+00:00

ninjaplease.jpg

I'm 49 and have 30 something years of blue/purple fuckups to look back on.

We have a saying in my circles: "You can't do anything about the bullet that's left the barrel, all you can do is make the next shot perfect."

Mac puts it like this: "If you fail, fail quickly.". IE: Don't dwell, learn and motor on.

SpudsUlik · 2015-11-20T13:57:26+00:00

You are still young, there is gonna be penalty of alpha moments ahead of you.

Title	Getting angry when recalling past blue pill/beta incidents
Author	MichaelGrenade
Upvotes	21
Comments	23
Date	November 19, 2015 5:40 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3tebir/getting_angry_when_recalling_past_blue_pillbeta/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/getting-angry-when-recalling-past-blue-pillbeta.38256 https://theredarchive.com/post/38256

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