Attraction Is Always First

Summary: There are guys new to daygame who enjoy the pleasantness of chit-chat with a random hot girl only to find out that the interaction is far shorter than they'd hoped for or she's confused as to why you'd want her number. Learning about each other is much, much later. Attraction is first.

From the Mystery's M3 model to the London Daygame Model everyone knows that attraction is the first step towards sleeping with a hot girl. Or even with a mediocre one. Or even in getting her on a date. It is also the first step in getting the girl's number.

Even Dale Carnegie suggests in his timeless classic How To Win Friends And Influence People that we need to like someone before we want to invest in a relationship or even get to know each other. You just don't want to talk to anyone who you don't like and are not interested in. In case of male-female relationships that interest manifests as attraction. Unless, of course, you want to friendzone yourself.

Instant attraction

Sometimes you find it really easy to attract a girl. She's just into you, no matter what you do and many times it happens even before you do anything. She just looks at you, smiles, blushes or gives you an IOI and it's set. She likes you. Maybe even fancies you. What you really have to remember in those situations is to not fuck things up. Don't oversell yourself. She already likes you. Your main goal is to make you two familiar enough so she will have some anchors attached to your name in her phone. You can't be just "that guy".

She should know about two interesting things about you and one boring like your hometown or what do you do for a living (displaying high value). If you have that and the instantly generated attraction just give her a reason or an excuse to meet with you and you're done. Those sets are fun.

Generating attraction

In most cases you'll generate a huge spike of attraction just by the sheer power of the cold approach. Girls like that, especially when it's done properly and by a confident and attractive guy. And if she was open to a potential relationship (e.g. lonely, horny, dumped recently) sometimes that's all that was needed. You're done. You find yourself in the "instant attraction" scenario.

Usually you'll generate just enough attraction for her to become interested in what's going to happen. That doesn't mean she's interested in you. Not yet. She's enjoying the experience and if she can tie you to her having a good time you'll get to the rapport phase. What you're going to say about yourself and the stories you tell can work in your favor displaying attractive qualities (recklessness, determination, audacity) or making you fit a certain attractive stereotype (rocker, adrenaline junkie, world traveler). In the latter case she will assume you have all the attritbutes generally associated with that stereotype.

A lot of sexual attraction is done by nonverbals - the way you look at her, the distance to her, gestures and touching her. Going beyond that there's projected confidence and sense of entitlement. You're not trying to make her attracted, you assume she already is. We're now in the shady area of inner game. Remember that you can get her attracted to the things you do (lifestyle, adventures) or who you are (confident, cocky, make her feel good). Those two are connected but they're different.

Skipping the attraction

Skipping attraction is counterproductive and I cannot possibly see any circumstance where you would gain anything by doing such a move. Even if you get the number she'll probably flake. And if not then you'll get a very bland non-sexual date to nowhere where the girl will be surprised when you make a move. I've had a lot of those in 2014 and they are terrible waste of time.

Lessons learned:

• Without interest in each other there is no desire to get to know each other.
• Interest in male-female situations is attraction.
• Both what you say and how you behave are important.
• There are number of ways you can generate attraction. Find the easiest for you.
• Sometimes attraction is done within seconds. Don't oversell yourself.

If you liked that not-so-brief summary you can read more about attraction in daygame situations. I have a whole blog about it.