So tomorrow is my one year anniversary with my girlfriend. We are both 19. The incredibly fucked up thing is I can't decide if its the anniversary of the best decision I've ever made or the worst. Here's why:

We started dating in the late fall of our senior year. I fell instantly. I was without a doubt incredibly in love with this girl, and would have done anything. The relationship for awhile went for the most part usual high school drama(I'll get to the other exception later) except for sex.

Both at the time being virgins and many of our friends around us beginning to lose that title it was something that was discussed with some regularity. I of course, would've had absolutely no problem with it. Her on the other hand, thought it would be wise to wait awhile. I sincerely had no issue with this, as I truly cared for her and her wishes and would've waited forever if it was what made her happy.

So while this is going on I had maintained a good(female) friend throughout most of high school with. Aside from my girlfriend now, I have never bonded or trusted anyone as much as her. So of course, jealousy began to grow some roots in my relationship with both women. This eventually led to me and my girlfriend breaking up in january(or at least I thought it was that reason).

But according to her it wasn't really a break up, it was just an infamous "break". During this time things would go back and forth, to the extremes. One day she could barely look at me, the next it seemed like we'd get back together. This continued for weeks maybe a few months, and put severe strain on my psyche(if that's the correct word).

After we finally put it to an end(for the 5th time), I eventually started taking minor interest in other girls, even went on a date. The date didn't go very well because my feelings remained extremely unresolved and I was given the news during that date that my girlfriend was in a car accident. I then spent the rest of the night worried. Of course this didn't go well with the girl.

A few days later my girlfriend texted me(usually the routine after "ending it"), saying that she really still wanted to talk to me at least as a friend because she still really cared about me. I told a few friends about this and it was at this time they decided to break their silence.

My girlfriend had maintained a close friend (male) herself, who she talked too and hung out with, and trusting her, I had no issue with this. My friends feeling that enough was enough told me that while my girlfriend was going back and forth, playing her games, that she had slept with her friend.

I was crushed. Completely and utterly crushed.

I was so emotionally distraught that the next few weeks remain a blur in my head.

My first reaction to my girlfriend was a quite large string of words that I'll leave to your imagination. We went a week, maybe more, maybe less, before I finally wanted answers.

To this day I have never gotten any. The most I've gotten were a lot of sorry's, and that it was "spontaneous", and a bunch of other bullshit that's never really made sense.

Eventually the talking and the questions, and her attempting to correct her mistakes led to us getting back together.

If you were to ask me face to face, I'll tell you that it was because no matter what, I loved her to much to let anything to get in the way.

The more I think about it and that time in my life, the more I begin to think that love had less to do with it. It has been a growing belief in my mind that it was just because I was to week to do what I should've done.

My mind is constantly split, but it has become less common since we got together. One week I would love her, the next get sick at the sight of her and say some of the cruelest words to her that have ever left my mouth. During those periods, it is almost enjoyable to see her upset as fucked up as that sounds.

Now I can go for a month maybe more before I get like that, but anytime we fight those unresolved feelings and unanswered questions return to the forefront of my thoughts.

This past year has been one of the greatest of my life, but also the worst, and the most emotional and confusing I could ever imagine.

So what do I do? I love this girl more than anything, at the moment at least. Do I just ride it out in the hopes that these emotions will eventually fade away? Do I confront her and get the answers I want? Will these answers haunt me more than the questions? Or should I just leave?