Why does giving out complements destroy attraction?

W-Z-R · 2013-05-17T12:41:08+00:00

The value of the compliment depends on the perceived value of the person who gives it.

If you first raised your value to demigod levels in her eyes then of course you can give the occasional compliment, and she will feel like getting a million dollar gift, totally grateful for it. The idea is that you should first get to the point where she respects your, craves your validation, craves your approval, your compliments. Then you can reward her with them, when she earned them.

But many insecure guys will blurt out complements too early, too fast, too supplicating, too much looking trying to buy favor.

Women will ask for compliments anyway. They will ask what do you think of their new haircut, whatever. At that point you can decide to compliment or joke/tease it away. But even giving them out unasked for is just insecure.

I mean as long as she has not asked for them, has not asked your opinion, she does not respect you and thus they won't worth anything!

It is really funny how the arch-enemies, the TRP-men and the SRS-women actually agree in that the "manipulative nice guy" strategy, seeing women as coin-op machines putting nice warm fuzzy feels in the top and sex comes out in the bottom is fundamentally wrong. SRS says it's wrong because you don't treat women as fully human. TRP says it is wrong because it partially sends the message that your value is low if you have to do such things, and partially it increases her self-confidence, so you negotiate your value down and hers up while you should be doing the opposite if you want to do a transaction. It's funny, but SRS and TRP actually agrees in that the only proper way to get sex from a woman is to make her horny - and not the whole she will reward giving her enough warm fuzzies with sex kind of crap.

DaddyMonster · 2013-05-17T14:09:11+00:00

My view is that while compliments aren't to be showered upon a female, because doing so devalues the compliments and you along with them, the key is in the congruency between the compliment and the intent behind it.

If you compliment a woman with a supplicating intent, she'll pick up on it aaand you're friend zoned, game over.

If your intent is congruent with the compliment, like for example... Say you're dancing with a chick, and she does something really cool which you appreciate, like... Pulling her thigh up on your leg all the way to your waist when you're in close embrace... I for one will say something along the lines of "Ooooh, I like that... It's really flirty." And that's what I'd honestly feel about it too. Cue giggles. You can be damn sure that the girl will be doing a lot more of that which you complimented. Had this particular case happen two days ago.

There's also a big difference to complimenting actions and non-actions. It's very prefereable to compliment actions that you like as opposed to things that aren't actions.

Saying "You're so sexy" CAN be a good idea if the context is appropriate (like when you're balls deep and pulling a girl's hair), but just saying it to a girl without her having given you something of value (or actively deserving it) devalues you.

Usually it's preferable to compliment actions. Even involuntary ones. I view it as encouraging girls to want to please me.

Like blushing. I like it when girls blush, and I want to encourage them to do so while also signaling that it's okay to be a little shy with me. So let's say I make a girl blush. I might say something like:

"You're so cute when you blush like a little girl..." or "I really like how easy it is to make you blush. It's quite endearing."

Notice the lack of supplication and the frame from which the compliments are delivered.

Bobsutan · 2013-05-17T18:48:06+00:00

Simplest explanation: you stop being a challenge.

The #1 way to lose any attraction and intrigue you had going for you is to tell a woman (who you haven't slept with yet) that you like her.

RedPillCaveman · 2013-05-17T15:38:33+00:00

I have a theory about this and it basically involves women being spoiled entitled brats.

Let's take the analogy of children (which, in a lot of ways, let's face it, women are). What happens when you give a child every toy they desire the very second they demand it, what happens? They stop appreciating it. They take it for granted.

Now what happens if instead of a toy he would actually want, you give that same kid an inferior toy? He doesn't want it. He throws a fit. Instead of being grateful for a toy that lots of toyless children would be grateful for, he's actually offended at receiving an inferior toy instead of the kind he's used to. He didn't ask for this toy! How dare you expect him to just accept it as it was meant!

It's the same shit with women and compliments. The toys they want and expect are compliments from people they're attracted to and they're spoiled fucking rotten on them. So much so that they actually get pissed off and receiving the inferior toy of a compliment from someone that repulses them.

I mean, seriously, can any of you guys actually imagine getting pissed off at someone giving you a compliment, even an ugly chick? I can't. Because we're the kids without toys and we're not fucking spoiled and it's just common decency.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2013-05-17T14:36:46+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1dwvc3/average_joe_earnestly_tries_and_fails_to/c9us88y

It says you're turned on - which is a bit like saying rain is wet. You're an ape. You're supposed to be turned on by females of your species.

If you want to pay someone a compliment, then you should look for things that they have consciously selected - clothes, jewelry, if she's reading a book you can talk about that. I've opened dozens of girls by noticing their cell-phone covers.

If you want the evo-psych explanation for that, it's probably that keen powers of observation are useful in spotting jaguars, or whatever. It makes sense that we'd find that trait attractive.

Deldar · 2013-05-18T07:44:50+00:00

supplicating. You're seeking her approval.

Invincibull · 2013-05-18T06:26:33+00:00

Most people can tell when a compliment is fake. Don't compliment someone if you don't sincerely mean it.
If you sincerely mean it, but the recipient knows they don't deserve it, their reaction is not "oh wow this person really sees something in me", it's "what a loser, he's so easily impressed, he mustn't get out much"
If by "giving out compliments" you mean passing them out like candy, they lose their value. Compliments should be accurate, thoughtful, and few and far between.
As others have said, the value of a compliment depends on the person giving it. The highest praise from an idiot is of no value, while a mild compliment from a high status person can make a person's day.

Title	Why does giving out complements destroy attraction?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	22
Date	May 17, 2013 12:12 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1eih98/why_does_giving_out_complements_destroy_attraction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/why-does-giving-out-complements-destroy-attraction.4424 https://theredarchive.com/post/4424

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