Is not realizing until it's too late.

[Edit: This ended up being a lot longer than I originally thought. Consider it a MGTOW bedtime story.]

I was married for ten years in my mid 20s to mid 30s. After my divorce about several years ago (which was admittedly a lot less painful than most men have to endure), I decided I was going to take a break from dating for awhile. I hadn't discovered MGTOW or redpill, it was just an innate feeling that I'd prefer to be single than deal with relationship drama for awhile. I focused on work, hobbies, and exercise and, as a byproduct, appreciably increased my dating market value. I was completely fine with this lifestyle, where I did what I wanted, when I wanted, but then I fucked up. I started to listen to friends, family and co-workers when they said I needed to meet someone knew. (Oh, the headaches I would have been spared if I had only known about the MGTOW philosophy back then.)

At first, getting back into the dating game felt great. I'm tall, decent looking compared to other 40-year-olds, childless and had a little money, so something happened that I wasn't expecting: Women were throwing themselves at me. I didn't have to do shit. Once word got out that I was available, women were coming out of the woodwork to date me. While I had had ok luck dating when I was younger, I definitely had to hustle and put the work in, so I wasn't used to this. I have to admit that it was a rush. I finally knew what it felt like to be a young, hot chick! I could pick and choose as I pleased.

Well, sort of... I had my choice of all the damaged goods. I was like catnip to single moms. To batshit insane women who weren't capable of containing their crazy long enough to lock a guy down. To obese, hatchet faced women who "chose to focus on their careers" when they were younger (because what other option did they really have). I casually dated a bit, but I had enough sense to run the other direction when the red flags appeared. (I mean, seriously, who waits until the third date to mention "Oh, by the way, I have three kids and I'm not *technically* divorced from my husband, whom I still live with.")

I almost gave up. There's that quote going around about how men are useless before they're 30 (and women are useless after they're 30) and I was starting to see this on my own. Now that *I* had "blossomed," all those once beautiful flowers had wilted and faded. They brought nothing but baggage and drama into the relationship and it just didn't seem worth it to me. With that in mind, I walked face first into the trap that many men in my position fall into: the younger woman.

My parents were divorced and my dad later married a woman half his age. She kept his money and his balls in her purse until the day he worked himself to death (so that she never had to work a day in her life). I had watched this all play out growing up, so I was determined to avoid it myself. As I started dating women in their 20s, I quickly cut ties if I sensed they were looking for a sugar daddy. Of course, I know now that they were ALL looking for sugar daddies, because why the fuck else would a woman be interested in someone twice her age. I know there are some of you thinking "well, there's only one reason a guy would date someone half his age," but it honestly wasn't just about youth and beauty to me. I just wanted to find someone without baggage and that just didn't exist in women over 30.

Then I met her. She had married and divorced young, but no kids. No crippling debt. She insisted on going 50/50 on our dates. She was enthusiastic in the bedroom. I had finally found the one! She moved in about 8 months into the relationship.

<record scratch>

And that's when everything changed.

All of a sudden, she's tired and stressed out all the time. She doesn't have the energy to go out and do things and she's "just not in the mood" frequently. She suggests that if she works less, things would improve. She scales down her hours at work and she's back to her old self again!

<record scratch>

For about two weeks.

Then it all starts up again. She doesn't want to do the things I want to do and that's fine, I'm happy to go by myself. But soon that's not good enough either. If she wants to sit on the couch and watch reality tv shows, I have to sit on the couch and watch reality tv shows or else I'm "neglecting" her. We can't watch what I want to watch and I can't leave to do something else without getting nagged. Sex is stale. I'm now paying for most things because she's working part-time, and even that's too much, because surely I make enough money that we could afford to have her stay home.

I put my foot down. This isn't what I signed up for and maybe it's best if we end things. She cries, apologizes, has a million excuses for why she's acting out and a million solutions for how she's going to turn things around. She begs me to give her one more chance and I do. She throws herself 100% into the relationship and things are great again!

<If you were expecting a record scratch here, congratulations! You're correct!>

A month goes by and we're back in the rut. We have the same discussion. The same promises are made and then a few weeks later broken. The only thing that changes is that the cycle begins to speed up and the bullshit begins to quickly outweigh the benefits.

I finally admit to myself that I cannot make this work and I refuse to financially support someone whose only purpose in the relationship appears to be nagging and complaining. We break up for good. She poor from barely working, so she resumes a full time job, but it's still going to take a few months for her to save up enough to get her own place. I'm a nice guy, though, so I tell her she can stay in my house for a few months until she can afford to get out. It's been awkward, but by the end of the year, I should be a free man again and now I know enough to GMOW.

<BAM! No one expects the fourth fucking record scratch!>

She starts asking strange questions. When I filed taxes (because of course I did her taxes for her), did I file jointly? Did I have her on any of my benefits at work? Is she listed as a beneficiary? Do we have any joint accounts? Did I get her an engagement ring and just never got around to actually proposing? Some of you already see where this is going. She's looking for any evidence she can use to claim we were common law married. She wants half of the house *I* paid for. She wants me to continue supporting her while she binge watches Real Housewives of Wherethefuckever.

Fortunately, I'm naturally skittish enough to take things slow, be aware of common law requirements, and steer clear of them. I did not get financially entangled with her. Sure, I over paid my taxes by filing separately, but it literally saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars. At no time did I explicitly or implicitly suggest we were engaged. In the end, that might just be my saving grace.

Of course, I know it's not over yet. She still has the nuclear option. I am spending the next month walking on eggshells in my own house and steering clear of her the best I can to make sure she doesn't decide that maybe her odds are pretty good when it comes to "my word against his" and how that might be used to benefit her. You better believe I got in the Christmas spirit and offered to pay her first month's rent, security deposit, and moving costs. It will be my last act as a simp, but if it gets her out of my house sooner and allows her to believe that she's "won enough," it's worth every penny.

This is going on much longer than I had anticipated and if you've read this far, I appreciate it. I just needed somewhere to vent. If you did read all this, I hope you took note of a few things: First of all, don't fall into the post-30s dating trap. Sure, it feels great to have dozens of woman throw themselves at you, but it feels much, much worse when you actually catch one. Once you've established yourself, you'll only be seen for what resources you can provide. And finally, AWALT. This is the point that took the longest for me to accept. A few years ago I would have said "sure, there are a lot of women out there that are like that, but there are plenty of decent ones, too." I was wrong. AWALT, some are just better at hiding it until they think they have you trapped.