This post is long. I could split it into more but I have never been a fan of multi-part posts because I feel like it interrupts the flow and thus the learning. Instead, read at your own pace. There is a lot in here to digest so feel free to come back to it later. I tried to make it easier to 'chunk' this time by researching some Reddit formatting and using hyperlinks more.
This post contains a fair amount of hyperlinks. Most are to my personal blog for short stories which elucidate a particular point. As far as I know this isn't against the rules and when asked, the mods didn't tell me it was. If it is I'll screencap the posts and host them on IMGUR. The reason I've included them is to make this a better article. I don't make any money from you visiting my blog. If I need to take them out then mods, please message me and I'll do so.
I used to be the poster child for this movement. I got into game at 14 or 15, I was pulling consistently by the time I hit 17. I was ‘popular’ in a few friends but plenty of invites type of way. That’s because back then we lacked substance. The PUA teachings were ‘do this, it works’ with no consideration to the why. We were told to approach until our anxiety faded, but the explanations of our nervousness were pseudoscience and conjecture. No one even got over AA back then by the way. They used to say you’d fear forever and get used to it.
A counter-culture to the counter-culture started developing years later, during a time when I’d left the scene entirely. I was inactive and in love for two years while Goodlooking Loser and later, The Red Pill, started coming into fruition. When I came back I found a mix of things I’d already adopted (I’d been lifting for nearly a decade already) along with things I’d never heard of. Some of them were just rephrasing theories I’d already gathered, some falling victim to overly complex explanations and methodologies. I believe because of the roots in PUA, some of the- quite frankly- toxic elements seeped through. The issue with them was the theories came from men who struggled with women as they piddled into success. For the most part, the gifted writers and orators were either marketing wizards (David D) or physically gifted losers (Mystery). They had no idea what worked and what didn’t. When Mystery said “Negging works, trust me, I’m 6’5 and very good looking” people bought that shit hook, line and sinker. When Style said “DHV’s are where it’s at homies, trust me, I’m wealthy and very well connected in a desirable scene” people bought that shit. The reality is of course A) looks matter and B) status matters.
I criticise the reliance on tradition and the ignorant avoidance of contradictory information. Critical thinking seems to be sorely lacking in most movements although this one is among the most rational. Of course, a lot of figures who are still popular are arm-chair experts. I’m not going to go on a witch hunt, but some of the biggest names in PUA are absolute duds. I’ve met a lot of them and only a minority stand out as ‘getting it’. It shines through in writing when someone ‘gets it’. See, an expert will write about the big picture in terms of strategies: Live your life like this, believe in this, work on this. A secondary-guru (IE a gifted reposter living vicariously through the first group) will then latch onto specific examples and say: Do this, this and this! Three simple tips!
The second has innate appeal in that it, falsely, appears simpler. The reality is that when those directions do work not knowing why they worked is an arrow to the knee because you can’t improvise. Socializing is absolute chaos, which is why the adage used to be “1000 approaches until you’re not a beginner” The thing is, you don’t need 1000 approaches; what you need is to realize the true foundations of your success. Beliefs, values and lifestyle. The 1000 approaches were required to teach the dancing monkeys most of the reactions they’d face, they still couldn’t act in the face of novelty. Whereas the ‘’’’’naturals’’’’’ who were looked upon with awe and/or derided as ‘lucky’ would just fucking do it. Because they ‘got it’.
This article is about transitioning from someone who does it to someone who has it. It’s about becoming the act you’ve learned. This article isn’t for absolute beginners- if you have difficulty approaching a hot girl, go elsewhere. It’s for those men who can get results, but aren’t happy with them. It isn’t just about women, but I use women a lot as an example for a few reasons. Quite frankly, girls are easy. They want to have sex with attractive men and that’s why they go out a good portion of the time. It’s more about not fucking up than anything else. They are also a great litmus test: they’re either into you or they’re not and you can use that feedback to grow quickly. Being rejected 100 times in a row could be accomplished in a week and give you all the feedback 10 years in the wrong career would. Rejection saves pain because it’s the quickest accurate signal for change you can find.
This article is an example of thinking small for big results. It is the little things you stick to consistently which breed success, not the lofty targets or epic endeavours. It’s easier to grasp the small stuff and as such, I refer often to examples with women. As is often said here though: no one girl matters. It isn’t about your oneitis falling in love with you, it’s about being someone who women will love. It’s about being attractive, not attracting Jenny from accounting. When you’re reading this, remember that it is never about the girl and it’s always about you. Girls are the example for the aforementioned reasons, as well as being relatable, easy to improve with and easy to find. They’re not a good focus for your life but they’re a very good indicator for how well you’re doing overall, since they seem to have a sixth sense beyond us men when it comes to success and potential.
Intrinsic. Developing dominance within and of yourself. Your life begins and ends with you: the most important component of developing any trait.
Extrinsic. Looks, status and money. The tangible qualities which display worth, the proof of dominance and the tools which will lead to acceptance of your frame.
Interaction with others. You offer your reality, not force conformity. You display an enticing frame, you don’t try to push others into it. Influence beats control.
Part A: The Root of Dominance: Beliefs, Values, Desires and Self-Mastery
Self-mastery is the first step to true dominance. You can muster swagger, but you can’t exude calm confidence when you’re the grasshopper. Self-mastery is a holistic concept. It doesn’t mean being the best at any one thing or being the mostly manly man- at least, not necessarily. What it means is that you align all decisions to your true beliefs and desires. That you bypass the easy path to climb higher instead.
Managing your beliefs, values and desires is what it means to be a man. They are entirely under your control and they are the largest deciding factor within your life. Good beliefs breed good results, bad beliefs breed bad outcomes. Good values attract good people, bad values spiral you into shitty situations. Desiring the greater good puts you into a greater place, whereas desiring ‘good for now’ is settling into mediocrity.
Good beliefs include: “I am the cause of all of my limitations.” A painful belief to hold, it would be easier to drop that burden and blame someone else. I’ve wanted to, but when I feel blame shift away I pull it back jealously because it’s the fuel for the fire of improvement. ”What matters most is what I do, I cannot control others.” and ”Others perception of me is as much an indicator of themselves as of me.” are two others.
Good values include honesty and respect. As a man, your word is your bond. It is the spiritual projection of your character and as true a representation of you as your physical presence. A weak word is like a weak body. A mean word is an emotional disfigurement. As surely as an apple-sized cyst is a malformation, so too is the asshole who tries to hurt others emotionally deformed. Feeling the need to say rude things to people is a sign of inner issues which need to be conquered.
Good desires are obvious: If it makes you better overall, it’s positive. If it makes you worse off, it’s negative. Thus smoking is a bad desire, while exercise is a good one. Desires stem from your world-view, which is controlled by the other two. If you value improvement, you won’t want to do drugs in excess. If you value achievement, you won’t want to sleep 14 hours a day. Controlling your desires is a large component of self-mastery.
Self-mastery includes the following: Discipline, confidence, and openness. They crossover and each develops the others.
• Sacrifice. Save for the future. Don’t go out this weekend so you can work more. Conversely, doing all your study in two days so you can go out for five and finally get your dick wet. Sacrifice. What will have to be sacrificed and for what gain is an important decision.
• Deep improvement within facet/s of your life which hold ‘universal’ appeal. These include health/fitness, money, status, etc. The things which intelligent people will debate the how of, but only idiots will debate the why.
• Responsibility. Blaming others won’t get you anywhere because you can’t change them. Society is not the cause of your problems, neither is your family. You are the sole author of your discontent or pleasure. You make the choices which burden or free you.
• Self-belief which pre-empts your belief in or pursuit towards anything or anyone else.
• Confidence that you will make the right choices, take the right steps and achieve your goals as long as you stick to your guns.
• Persistence in the face of failure. You’ll miss more shots than you make. You must keep striving to improve and keep trying again.
• Broad novelty seeking. Expanding your comfort zone is easier in all directions than one, at least if you look at it as a skill within itself. A simple thing I do is try one new thing a month.
• Willingness to change your mind. Spoiler alert: it’s almost a guarantee that eventually, the way society is doing most things will be laughably inadequate.
• Flexibility. Any given person makes more mistakes than successes, along with persistence as per above you need to learn to change your approach or you’ll end up smashing into a wall instead of through one.
I’m going to describe how to develop each. Consider this like you would fiction. What works for me may not for you and thus when I write specific examples it isn’t me prescribing that action to you, it’s me describing the belief to you. You need to imagine yourself acting from the place where that is your truth to implement. It isn’t “in this scenario, do this!” it is more “if you believe this, you may respond like this.”
Nearly every time you make a decision, you already know what the right answer is. Give yourself the discipline to stick to it, be true to what you really want and do that. Don’t give in to petty temptations.
There is only one choice in life a lot of the time. It appears like there are more, but usually the choice is between good for now and better for later. The choice is, do you stay in Friday night for some FPS and anime titties, or do you go out and get some? Do you watch trashy TV to distract from reality, or do you grab your balls and carpe the diem out of the gym? Do you subsist on vicarious satisfaction from ‘famous’ people whose only talent is that they’re willing to put their nuts and necks on the line, or do you put your cards on the table and seize your own fate?
Discipline is easier if you’re obsessed. Every morning, get up and make a conscious decision to spend the first few minutes of the new day on your most important goal. Write the goal down on a piece of paper and make one contribution towards it. If your goal is to be ripped for Summer, write down “I am getting ripped” and then do twenty pushups. If your goal is to write a book, brainstorm ideas and write at least one line every morning- regardless of what your creative process is. It’s about always making small, manageable steps to keep momentum. With saving, contributing $1 to your savings every single day (on top of normal savings) gets you into the habit of doing it better than anything. It makes you think about what you want regularly, it keeps you from slipping into bad habits out of complacency.
One warning: never motivate with extrinsic rewards. It has been extensively researched and shown to be the worst way to motivate. It removes the fulfilment and pleasure from the activity itself, so instead of being intrinsically inspired towards affirming actions you require stimulus to continue. If you ‘reward’ yourself for the gym with a massage, you’ll never learn to love the gym. If you ‘reward’ yourself for approaching a girl, you’ll never learn to love the thrill of the chase. You need to grow appreciation for the attributes you wish to build or they will lack foundation.
Another aspect is judgement. You need to know what will improve you. Some things are steps on the right path even if they seem unrelated. Others seem like the right direction but aren’t. To a certain extent I would say getting laid is one of the most affirming and life-altering things a man can do. Being in control of your own sex-life is something women take for granted, something they’ll never understand the importance of. For a man though it is liberating because it means you’re joining the uppermost crust of our society. Realistically, the amount of men who choose whether they want to fuck on any given night is microscopic, even those in relationships usually have no say.
At the same time pushing your count into triple digits is pointless. I’ve realized recently that the less women I sleep with, the more I appreciate them. I know that’s obvious, but I sometimes look back and think “Wow, that girl was really cool. I should have kept hanging out with her. She was smart, fun and hot. Rare. Pity I dropped her to fuck a new girl whose name I don’t remember.” I’m saying don’t obsess over your lays. It means nothing in the end, what matters is your confidence that you can do it when you want.
Be confident because you’re the island of independence, you rely on no one and nothing to make you feel confident. Be confident because you’re competent, you’re good at what you’re doing and will get it done. Be confident that if you’re not already good, you will be, because what’s holding you back is knowledge you can learn and experience you can gain. “Good judgements come from experience. Experience comes from bad judgements.”
The real lesson though: Nothing is ever more fun than when you’re scared. I’d give my left-nut to get back that gut-wrenching feeling when talking to a ten. Those moments which make you grab your balls and go for it are what make life worth living. Courage is what you need to do things in the face of fear, you need to make that decision every single time. Eventually, consistency breeds competence and then the hurdle you must overcome is apathy. You motivate yourself to not be lazy because you know you could do it but do you really want to? That’s not as fun, trust me. The most vivid memories in my life include: The first time I stood up to a bully; I was 13 and he ran away. The first time I got hit in real life; he was six years and twenty kilos on me, but I remember thinking “this doesn’t hurt so bad” and giving as good as I got. The first time I ever approached a girl cold; my only knowledge of pickup was through Mens Health and I was shaking so bad she probably thought I had Parkinsons.
There is still satisfaction to being disciplined and taking right action, but there is fun by far in the thrill of overcoming your own limitations. The further along you get, the less of the latter you’ll see, so savour every step along the way.
Then there comes a point where you need to find new ways to grow. If you develop your character to The Red Pill ideals, you’ll have a good base. But a ripped body, able mind and strong will aren’t a personality. They’re a framework.
Again: you need to be true to you and do things you really do want to do. Try them, regardless of what others will think. The more you push your boundaries the better. I’ve tried a shitload of sports, some of which stuck and all of which taught me tangible lessons. About half of them got me laid too. I’ve done arts classes which were massive wastes of time, except I did learn how to draw something that resembles a face and got my dick sucked. Novelty is the spice of life and if you’re the adventurous type, you appeal to women. They want you to expand their realities because chicks get bored easily. You stand out in an amazing way if you’re the most masculine guy doing something non-masculine. Unless it’s getting butt-fucked while wearing a dress, no one will even question your sexuality over it. I’ve literally never been asked (by someone who isn’t a hopeful homo) if I’m gay, yet I have done dance, drawing, cooking, Body balance and still do yoga. None of these are stereotypically manly. The insecurities of others have no bearing on you. Just because some guys can’t comprehend being masculine is about doing what you want to do instead of living to another’s standards, doesn’t mean you can’t.
You need to be flexible so you don’t snap. Life will occasionally throw things at you; if you’re strong but brittle they can shatter you. You can’t force your way through life for long. You need to have passion for what you do and do what you have passion for to stick with it. Passion can be learned, obsession can be cultivated and when you harness those energies you tend to see things in perspective of the big picture more easily. Meaning you’re less likely to be rocked or misstep.
I’ve written a whole piece about this, go and read it if you need to. What I want to say on the topic here is this: be in control of your emotions. Sometimes that means supressing them to assess a situation clearly and make a rational decision. Most of the time though it means feeling them and deciding how to use them. If you need to act on them, against them, use them as motivation, use them as a deterrent… usually your emotional feedback is valid communication from your subconscious about the right decision in situations where information is scarce. Socio-sexual situations come to mind immediately, where the timeliness of a choice matters as much as the choice. Trusting your instincts are correct trains you to use them, which breeds confidence, as well as improves them which enhances future judgement calls.
Anything in life where complexities exceed conscious management benefits from emotional intelligence. At any one time you’re capable of accessing about 1% of the input you’re receiving and will be actively engaged with <0.1%. In other words, the thoughts you have right now- your consciousness- are 0.1% of information you’re processing. 99.9% of it resides in your subconscious, which compiles and analyses the input based on heuristics and models you’ve developed throughout your life. It’s trainable, which is why athletes have superhuman reflexes.
Often it’s better to make the wrong decision at the right time than the right decision too late. Pulling the trigger and committing to a path is one of our most masculine traits because stepping onto virgin soil is scary. That’s why explorers are romanticized so highly.
Precision improves much the same on an instinctive level: experience improves heuristics improves judgements. There is the cognitive aspect to address as well however. You need to build critical thinking skills, which our society seems geared towards destroying. You need to learn to assess the value of a source, the application of the information and the integrity of it. You need to be able to address that to yourself personally as well as on a wider level. You need to be able to identify and negate the effects of confounding variables.
On a broader level, you need to learn how to gain information. Knowledge is power. You need to learn how to learn. Everyone has a different brain, with different circuitry, which means you experiment to achieve success. An example of this would be the approach of some artists, who will lock themselves into a piece until it is finished- Banksy or Basquiat- while others will work on many different pieces at once- like Da Vinci. Even the time intervals differ. I personally study a topic for a few hours, take a long break, then go back for a few more hours. I also break up each 20 minutes into 15min study, 2min revision of that 15min then a 3min break. If I’m writing something though (normally fiction) I’ll spend anywhere between a minute and five hours on it at a time. I’ll just keep writing until the words stop flowing, then leave it mid-sentence so it’s easier to start next time. It overcomes the inertia, since the first thing to do is complete a sentence. The hardest part about most things is starting and many motivational tools are about making the first step easier.
When you set goals, set the bar low. The idea is to have the bar so you’d have to try harder to miss it. If you want to lose 10kg, make a commitment to step foot in the gym every day. You don’t have to train. Walk into the gym and walk out if you want. Having that goal will make you go though. Getting into the habit of going is more important than any specifics of what you do once you’re there.
Part B: The Indicators of Alpha
The roadmap to ‘alpha’ is as follows: Be disciplined and achieve mastery. Women and men both will respect that, which leads to social proof. It will develop your character in the process, meaning you will authentically be the act others might try. Be open and accepting: mainly of the fact that most people don’t fucking matter. The opinions of random strangers are irrelevant. A girl who calls you creepy, a dude who calls you a douche or anyone without a valid opinion offering criticism is worthless. You don’t need to pander to the masses so don’t.
Strive on your path and follow the non-aggression principle. Don’t try to convert, convince or suppress others but also don’t accept those actions. Don’t be offensive but don’t step down when you’re speaking the truth.
Embrace chaos. Accept that you have no idea what reactions you will achieve. Accept that you have no idea if it will go well or not. Accept that when it does go bad, it doesn’t matter and has no bearing on you as a person. An alpha male defines himself by his own values, whereas a beta male defines himself by others perceptions.
Everything else is words on the page.
Extrinsic Displays of Dominance
The three biggest things you should try and master assuming you want to fuck a lot of high quality women are looks, status/fame and money. That’s in order of my personal recommendation. Why?
Looks are very easy to develop
Five hours in the gym a week, conscious control of what you eat and of your posture will bump you up a point. Skincare, grooming and better hygiene will give a glow that will bump you up another. A style which matches your vibe and smaller improvements- growing your dick, getting a better haircut- will add increments. It’s all incremental, it is easy to track and the results are rapid.
IE looks are so easy you may as well work on them first because they make everything else even easier.
Status is a mixed bag
There are a lot of paths. I recommend the path of mastering something and achieving status within a scene because my friends who have done that have better results than me. I did not do that however. I chose to spend a lot of time maxing out my social media, messaging people constantly and nurturing a very active social life. It chewed up a lot of time and honestly, the results weren’t as good as my friends get. It would have taken a lot of work to maintain and I ended up just dropping it completely, deleting most of my social media and cutting off all the ‘’’’friends’’’’ that I was only partying with.
Status needs to be displayed. That’s a huge detriment compared to looks. Having it within a scene will somewhat alleviate that- everyone will know you’re the guy- but to an extent, the perceptions of others will be defining you.
Fame is extreme status which doesn't need to be demonstrated and will nearly always be the culmination of the pursuit of excellence within a field. A top singer, athlete or businessperson will have it. The rest won't ever approach it.
Money will get a girl to open her legs, but won’t get her wet. Money can buy time, but not friendships. Money can solve problems, but can’t buy happiness.
Money is fucking awesome, don’t get me wrong. I spent the first 19 years of my life painfully poor- to the point of missing meals and moving between so many friends couches I was basically a bedbug- but I was happy. Some of the happiest memories I have were when I was so poor girls used to bring me food, when I had ‘starving artist’ appeal because I wrote, was intelligent and otherwise degenerate. I remember when I finally did get a place, I used to have parties in a fibre board shed with asbestos openly leaking out of the ceiling. They were great.
While I do think being in the middle-class is 100x better, the improvements the others offer are far superior. In honesty the only reason I make good coin now is because A) I was good-looking enough to have a halo-effect B) I attracted the right people (values, confidence, charisma, looks) and C) I took the opportunities given to me by those connections. D) Hustling and working hard is always quoted as the most important. It isn’t. That’s the sad truth of the world we live in: nepotism beats merit in most areas. Be that business, social or sexual life. Your friends are more likely your friends because they ‘like you’ for some nebulous reason than because you have a good GPA, job and ripped abs. Your boss is more likely to promote you because he sees himself in you than because you are the most qualified. Choose values which others respect because respect is a more universal currency than cash.
Part C: Five Lessons on How to Treat Others
The Golden Rule
Treat others how you want to be treated. With respect. Don’t be excessively late to catch up. Don’t insult- negging is for the insecure spinsters. Don’t try to exert possession over people. Treat others as their own persons and be grateful for them, because there should be a reason you picked them to be in your life over others.
At the same time, have self-respect. Make rules for behaviour, tolerate but don’t accommodate. For me personally I have a three-strike policy. If someone does three things to me which I wouldn’t do to them- say they lie to me, they’re forty minutes late and they try to insult me- then I cut them off. Done, no looking back. It’s worked well for me, but it has flaws. Sometimes I’ll judge something as small, then reflect later and realize it was important. Little things can be red flags and while I normally won’t hold something like “looked at message on my phone screen” against someone, it may later turn out that girl is dangerously nosy and tries to hack into my phone regularly.
Another consideration is that in longer-term friendships, you need to make allowances. I have one friend who runs an hour late everywhere. I now just tell her we’re meeting 90 minutes prior to the actual time, because in all other ways she is a great friend. She’s helped me out a lot in life and I don’t want to drop her over that, so I cater to it. Another friend I have is a great mate, except when girls are around he starts boasting and becomes kind of a douche. Therefore, I don’t invite him on my sarging adventures to chase HB8+’s and DMDV (Demonstrate My Dick Value).
Govern by decision, not control.
True power doesn’t have to be exerted. Being powerful is something which permeates your life in all aspects. It isn’t a button you push, an action you take or a belief you have. It isn’t how others treat you. It effects all of those however because It is everything about you. You are either powerful or not powerful. It isn’t in relation to others; it is an aspect of yourself. You can’t ‘dominate’ people with mind-trickery, that falls apart after a few hours unless the other person wants it. More importantly, you won’t be improving yourself. You’re fooling others into temporarily believing you have influence, not being or becoming a person who deserves it.
The best way to have ‘power’ over other people is to have them willingly choose to let you lead. You give people the choice of stepping into and enjoying your reality, or being away from it. Women will want this 99% of the time without fail because despite social justice warrior bullshit, they nearly all want to be fucked raw into puddles of pleasure. If I had a dollar for every load of mein nut a ‘real feminist’ has either swallowed or worn like makeup I’d be a very rich man. The issue with trying to control them is that they will test that control constantly. If you make them choose, they will either align themselves to your persona or walk away. You don’t have to deal with ‘dominance struggles’ or manufactured drama. Alphas are those who possess such an appealing reality that others will choose to conform to it.
Be powerful in the sense of a muscle, not a metal. You need to be capable of being rigid to your core if the situation requires, while being able to compromise if that’s necessary. If you never change, you’ll grow evermore brittle. True strength is being able to accept criticism and rejection as a signal for what to work on. Strength comes with flexibility, you must be able to adapt to difference circumstances and change your approach in both specific situations as well as more holistically, on a macro-scale to alter your life course for the better.
When someone is trying to manipulate you into doing something you wouldn’t want to do the most potent tool at your disposal is the one they’re using. People apply the filter of their lives to everything, so when a person is trying to exploit you they’re going to use the tools which would influence them. If someone preys on a certain insecurity, that’s probably their biggest insecurity. If someone appeals to a certain value, that’s probably what they hold dearest.
Instead of trying to argue from your perspective, shift to theirs and use their tools to prove your case. Instead of ‘fighting back’ and correcting them on the level of values, accept that their value is important to them and appeal to it. If someone says, “You have to help me with this, you’re so smart” then tell them they’re smart enough to do it alone. Or help them. Be conscious of what you actually want to do before you blindly say “yes” to every request but don’t think helping someone makes you weak.
If a girl asks you to buy her a drink, say “Ok, you get the next round.” You’re not stingy but you’re not her provider. If a girl tells you “We can’t have sex tonight, I’m not a slut” say “What I like about you is how you balance being a good girl with being adventurous.”
I’ll stress that this is too high context to use as manipulation. It must be authentic to the moment and context because you can’t just plug in lines and have them work. You must cater to the person whilst still expressing yourself, so it must be spontaneous.
Short-term, pain beats pleasure. We’re more addicted to avoiding fears than embracing the fruits of conquering them. Therefore, the massive inertia to overcome in learning new traits or beliefs. At the same time, giving or withdrawing positive reinforcement is a more powerful stimulus than negative reinforcement in the long run. People may alter their behaviour short term because you criticise it or get mad, but eventually they’ll forget or stop caring. The best way to stop those behaviours which offend you is to show your disapproval and withdraw the signs of your pleasure. The best way to encourage ‘good’ is to reward it.
The reason this works better is because people grow accustomed to negativity. If your girlfriend is always late and it makes you yell at her, any time she feels bored or like you’re not paying attention, she’ll run late to get a reaction. It gives people a handle to move you by when you have strong negative reactions. If instead you withdraw a little- not in a prissy way- then you encourage her to make the effort to fix it. She can’t argue if you’re calmly distanced, anything she says to get a bite you aren’t reacting to and are showing more disappointment towards. No leverage in that case for her to create drama. Instead she will have to reflect on her behaviour.
In the short term, you can yell a girl into cleaning your house or whatever. If instead you say “I value traditional relationships” (which isn’t sexist BPers, everyone has preferences and this is a shared value within my relationship/s) and reward her when she conforms to that, then you will encourage the behaviour long term. If you don’t flip when she doesn’t do it, but show her a lot of affection when she does, then she is motivated to do it especially when she wants to make you react. Which is a lot of the time- like I said, women get bored easily and thrive on attention. So, give them positive avenues to get it.
Girls will often do shit to test you by the way- a phrase I believe to be the origin of ‘shit test’. The absolute best girls will say things which completely contradict their personality otherwise just to see how you respond. The secret is: don’t. In most cases giving a girl a weird look that communicates “why the fuck are you saying that” goes further than special line #449.
An example: If a girl says to me “Are you gay?” I’d say “Fo real?” and just look at her strange. The one time this actually happened, the girl said “Oh nah haha I was hoping you weren’t haha” and was incredibly nervous that she’d offended me. I’ve seen PUA types say something super-smooth like “No, but don’t tell my boyfriend!” The issue is that while you may think it’s mildly funny, really it buys into her frame. You’re entertaining now, you’re rewarding bad behaviour. Now if she wants a funny from you then she knows saying “Are you a player?” or “I bet you say that to all the girls!” will get one. IE, you’re rewarding bad behaviour.
For those who learn by examples:
Are you a player?
I used to say “Nope, I’m very honest with all of my girlfriends.” With a smirk. This is good because it’s a multi-level joke. Level one, she thinks it’s a joke. Level two, you do have multiple girlfriends. Level three, she knows you probably have multiple girlfriends, but you said it like a joke…
I bet you say this to all the girls!
This is another “Really?” one. The reason is because she is generally saying this in a way which questions the vibe, the intensity and authenticity of your connection. The biggest roadblock for me is usually comfort, so anything which could contradict that is a no-go. Thus I’ll never give an elaborate response to this because it’s buying into the frame that we have a connection worth questioning. Instead I’d prefer to look at her like “are you fucking serious right now?” and make her consider the fact that doubting this chemistry is retarded.
Dominance is the alignment of your behaviours to your beliefs, of your beliefs to your desires, of your desires to your goals and of your behaviours to your goals. Dominance is a way of life, not a series of actions or phrases. You can be more alpha getting your buttfucked because you want to then Billy Beta is fucking a THOT so his friends will think he’s cool. Few things are inherently 'right' or 'wrong'. Most are simply personal choices of how you want your life to look, of what you want to align yourself with. Live for yourself because no one else will.