My now ex-girlfriend broke up with me recently because I wasn’t satisfying her terms for our relationship, e.g. I pay for everything, I spend most of my free time with her. I stupidly over-invested in her, with time, effort and money, and even that wasn’t enough. She kept upping the investment stakes, meaning she wanted more and more. In the end, when I added it all up, she was running a huge deficit with me. She behaved as if her presence and the occasional fuck was enough investment from her. She thought the relationship books were balanced because she showed up. She rationed out the sex to get what she wanted, but that’s an old story with women.

She was getting a bit plump and majorly entitled. It seems to be a thing with some older women. They feel their SMV is several points higher than it actually is. That said, she could snap her fingers and have a beta at the ready. She still had some lingering beauty. She quickly found another BB, moving on rapidly. I saw this guy and I thought WTF? At least trade up if you’re dumping me, but then she’s long past post wall, so her options drop markedly. And it was all about the money, looks are secondary. Older guys often have money. She did try to keep stringing me along in the background just in case, tossing me some breadcrumbs.

I am truly amazed at the lengths some women will go to hedge their bets. Shortly after breaking up with me, she asked me to walk in the park with her. I know better, a breakup is just that, yet I stupidly obliged. Feelings still, I guess. Men are relationship idiots. She said she missed me, I was almost part of her family, her dog liked me, so many good times together, looking over our old pictures, etc. I’m wondering, is she trying to get back with me? So I asked her, and she said she needed time to think things over. That’s ‘no’ in womanese. The next night she was seen draping herself all over her new guy at a dance, leaving hand-in-hand with him.

In retrospect, I’m amazed at the shit I put up with from her. I think it’s the boiled crab syndrome. Things get worse and worse, but since they happen in small incremental doses over time, you don’t notice them. The water is almost boiling, but I think, there’s a few rough patches, but hey, don’t all relationships go through some rough patches. A friend asked me, why the hell are you staying with her. I thought about my investments in her.

I looked at things through the lens of relationship equity. I had such a large investment in her, but she had almost none in me. One day, I added up what I was investing in her and compared it to her investments in me. I was shocked that I had let things get so far out of balance. I knew the two-thirds commandment from Poon. I knew humansockpuppet’s guide. Still it happens.

My advice, look at your relationship investment the same steely-eyed way a woman looks at it. It’s about cost-benefit to her, and she would rarely over-invest. Maybe with an alpha dude. Never with a beta. She’s keeping track, even if you aren’t. Briffault’s Law is true. Prior investment means nothing to her, and it should mean nothing to you. Your past investments are worthless. Economics talks about sunk cost, and that’s the way you have to look at your investments in any woman. Sunk cost. They belong to the past, don’t affect today’s decisions, and the sooner you embrace this reality, the better off you will be. Keep a mental tally of your investments and hers. Don’t get pedantic about things, but don’t become the crab in the scalding hot water. Know when things get too far out of balance, and stop investing until she makes some reciprocal investments. If she doesn’t, move on for it’s not going to get better. See humansockpuppet’s guide or 16 Commandments of Poon if you need specific guidance in this area.