Hey guys. A week I posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/6zce8o/well_gentlemen_i_broke_free?sort=confidence
TL;DR: I had a cool asexual female friend of several years who I started dating in hopes of a different sexuality resulting in NAWALT. But almost immediately she was talking marriage, asking for financial help, making ultimatums and so I ended it, quickly.
Today: So after reading all your feedback and feeling silly that I ever thought there was an exception to the rules I continued on with my life. She sent me a strange message the day after the original post saying we should work on our friendship and that she was going to try hard to be a better friend to me. I thought the sentiment was nice, truly, but I was skeptical. A few days after that she was playing the victim card, saying she wanted to get away alone for a couple days and sort things out but she was torn. She could either afford a quick trip or to replace a window and asked my advice on things.
Well, I saw what she was doing. Hanging out with you gentlemen virtually has taught me to keep my guard up. She wanted me to give her money. I didn't. I did say she should go on her trip though.
So this morning she has pics from her trip on social media and there she is with Chad and comments about what a great week it was.
I felt the blood drain from my face and my skin get cold. Of course, AWALT. I am so emotionally devested at this point that I barely care, but it still stung just a tiny bit that she attempted to manipulate my emotions for a paid trip to hnag with some dude. But moreso I'm relieved that there is no doubt in my mind that I made the right call to get out at the first sign that she was every other girl.
This isn't a dramatic "aha!" post of betrayal or some huge revelation. Just an acknowledgement to you guys. Everything you said originally was spot on. And points to the guys who said her years of "asexuality" were an excuse to fuck, just not fuck me. (Which is still strangely hard to swallow because for years we never discussed relationships or were anything more than friends, so it wasn't like she had any reason to lie about that or that there was any evidence that she was lying. Moreover, much more recently, I wanted to date her for precisely that reason, in hopes that there would be no using sexuality to manipulate). That slight confusion aside, moving back on to wealth, dogs and enjoying the calm serenity of being MGTOW.
Thanks again for being awesomely supportive, honest and reading my post.
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Did you think you were at the Thursday meeting down at the docks?
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LOL
She figured you were going to fix/buy her the window while she was away, and the whole "Chad" thing was supposed to make you jealous... so that if you HADN'T already fixed/bought her the window, you would do so NOW, in order to prove that you were BETTER than that guy.
Seriously... that's how the "plan" played out in her mind.
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Yup. But trust me she was pretty sure that the reason you told her to take the trip was that you were doing the good guy "I got this" thing with the window... that way she'd get BOTH. (And the "make him jealous" was the backup plan.)
:-)
These days my general response to those kinds of "false dilemma" things is "Yeah, life sucks..." or "Sux to be you." (I mean seriously? You NEED a window repaired and you WANT to go on a trip? This is not a dilemma. The "responsible adult" answer is clear cut.)
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No it meant: FIX MY WINDOW, PLEASE.
You saying "Go on the trip..." was then (implicitly... not explicitly) interpreted by her as: "And don't worry... I'll handle your window for you." (At least POTENTIALLY... IF that is you were/had been "playing the game.")
Well, it's kinda-sorta like your "commiserating" with them -- offering them sympathy so to speak (at least in the "life sux" version) -- and since they don't have the GUTS to be explicit about their request for help ("Would/could you help me get my window fixed?") they really can't complain.
BTW your way (just being "oblivious" to the whole "game" thing)... well it achieves pretty much the same thing.
Only difference is that if & when you're unaware of the "Games People Play" -- then you risk having your emotions FUCKED with by "round two/plan B" (i.e. photos with Chad, etc).
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BINGO.
Read that book and you'll understand -- you'll start to see how the (mind) "games" people play (majority of which are passive-aggressive manipulation things) -- well they're all "variations on a theme."
IOW... I really don't have to have you & her "figured out" -- its a rather generic "pattern" that is just INSANELY common with people (virtually ALL people, and thus virtually ALL interactions & relationships between them).
In fact, it's really rather difficult to NOT get suckered into playing one or another of those "games." (And people often get PISSED at you when you don't "play along.")
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You poor sick bastard. You fell for the oldest trick the devil ever pulled. "Fly you fools!" That's sound advice, even from a Gargamel.
I'm guessing it won't be about offering to pay for your lunch, then quietly leaving?
They all do. The difference is, you get the sex up front, then you leave it on the dresser.
Well Chad shouldn't have to pay for his vacation. She wanted money to pay his way.
Are you a-money about money? Like, you just don't like money? Of course not. Money is great, you can buy things with it.
Are women aesexual? Of course not. They may, or may not, enjoy sex, but it's just a currency to get what they want. Their enjoyment of it is secondary to them, compared to your enjoyment of it. Then you give them what they want. Sex is currency, you just had nothing in your store she wanted to buy that day. She was shopping elsewhere.
But women aren't aesexual. Women do not throw away their primary buit in ATM machine needlessly. Now they may reject it, hate it, have esteem issues using the machine, but they generally will always use it until it stops paying out.
Sorry to hear your loss. But your loss, is your gain! You could be married with babies, stuck in couch sleeping, diaper sniffing, babysitting while she's out partying with a real man.
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