This was going to be a long ass post but I'll just get to the point.

It hurts because all that other shit I do well doesn't mean dick to me. My career which I've mastered. Those foreign languages I should be boasting about. The fact I kind of shred on a guitar, my financials, ability to reason, my laid back and holistic philosophy, my ability to learn, All that adversary over the years I've gotten over, all those fox holes I've crawled through.

NONE OF THIS MEANS DICK.

All I actually wanted was to find a good and wholesome suitable companion who loved me for me. And that is something I failed at.

And that is why it hurts.