I just read a post about how self sacrifice is suicide. This post really speaks to me. I recently took in a friend of mine because his girlfriend dumped him. He's volatile in the way he acts but still a soft guy mentally. By taking him in all my plans changed for that week which wasn't really a problem initially, but after a few days it started to grate me, especially when one minute he'd say he was done with his ex and then the next he was talking about being friends with her. He was was and is being a little bitch.

So one night, just last week in fact, my friend and I are walking to my house when someone he knows drives by and he gives them the finger. It turns out they have history but I didn't give a fuck, it's not my problem.

Later I'm walking by myself listening to music when I feel something approaching me from behind, it's the person driving their car but with the lights off. I turn at the last second but don't manage to fully avoid the car so it hits me but I hold on to that bit just beneath the windshield wipers as the car keeps going.

The car stops and the guy gets out, now I've been in a few fights and I've got a bit of a temper when I'm mad, but I have to be really mad. In this case, I was really mad. The guy gets out the car and I'm still hurting but I'm seeing red. He says, "Go tell your mate that....", before he could finish I was on top of him punching his face into oblivion while the girl that was in the car with him was screaming. I punched his face until the hand that I hurt whilst getting run over started to throb with pain so I got up up and proceeded to stomp his legs so he couldn't walk until the pain in the leg I hurt became too much for me to continue.

I beat this guy to a pulp, leave him lying and go home. When I get home my friend see's me and asks what happened, so I tell him. 20 seconds later he's saying how life is beating him down. If my body wasn't killing me I would have beaten the bejesus out of him too but I ended up going to hospital where I find out I've got a broken hand, a broken leg, broken ribs, along with a dislocated shoulder, and a concussion (my head cracked the windshield).

I'm at the hospital and my friend comes through asking what's going on. I tell him and again not 20 seconds later he's talking about not being able to be alone, he's having a hard time etc. I just looked at him and I guess he could sense my disgust but the, " fuck off" that I said to him must have been the main clue because he disappeared soon after and when I got home the next day he was gone.

I've seen my 'friend' since and he's still being a little bitch but this along with many other situations that aren't quite as extreme have really made me think about friendship. I never considered myself to have friends. I know different people that relate to different facets of my life, but still I felt guilty if I didn't do this with this person, or I didn't help that person with that thing. I never had friends. I was just being guilt tripped by people. I live in a small community so I thought I was doing the right thing but I have just been causing my own self destruction.

Now I'm home alone and it's bliss, I'm ignoring the phone and looking out for number one, I've always been a quick healer but I'm healing quicker than usual. I've got a girl that comes over and does one or two things for me. I didn't ask her to, she just wants a piece of me. I make sure to show her when she's over that I can manage and honestly I can. When I'm all healed these thoughts that I've had will be put into effect, till then I'm just going to chill out and enjoy the peace.