How do younger MGTOW's do it?

abertsa · 2015-09-16T12:34:25+00:00

I do not think I could completely forgo that experience of pair bonding, of establishing and building intimacy

Part of it is the realization that the above -- that "pair bonding" and "intimacy" you speak of -- is an illusion/delusion* that really only exists on your side of the equation (i.e. it's a fantasy you've constructed in your mind).

The women who you THINK are "bonding" and being "intimate" with you... are basically just engaged in an act.

Why? Because you "gift" them a whole shitload of things: your attention validates their self-worth, your wallet opens up on a regular basis (whether you fully comprehend the extent of it or not), and your muscles and hands and mind invariably get used as "free tools" in her service.

* EDIT: And I should note that while that sounds (and in some ways IS) incredibly "cynical", it's also pragmatic/realistic -- the plain fact of the matter is that the sense of "intimacy" or "connection/bonding" that you may feel; is in fact just a construct inside of your brain -- that's how/why we can still "feel connected" to someone who is at a remote distance from us, we may think that they are reciprocating and also similarly "feeling connected" to us, thinking of us, etc; but all too often the reality is that they are NOT (certainly not to the same degree and/or at the same time). Moreover, any actual "connection" that does happen to occur, is going to be rather superficial or ephemeral in nature; generally due to sharing or remembering some shared external experience (and internally THINKING that the other person's thought/emotions are in line with your own based on superficial evidence -- when the reality is that they may be, probably ARE having significantly different thoughts than you yourself are).

I suspect I'm a hapless victim to my genetic drive, and a lot - I would expect the vast majority - are like me.

I have no doubt that a PART of it is a genetic/hormonal drive.

But to be blunt -- an even larger part tends to be more nuture/habit -- you have become habituated to having other people around you on an almost continual basis (usually the result of -- as a child -- never really having much "time alone", and thus never having developed a full "individual identity" that is separate from being a member of some group and/or group activity.)

That's FAR from an uncommon thing by the way -- for men OR women. In the case of the latter, it's one of the reasons that the majority of women so desperately want a child or children; because it's a virtually foolproof method of forcing the situation of having others around them -- children after all not really having the power or ability to leave them (and of course most women will fight tooth and nail to prevent anyone ELSE from getting custody).

--

At it's root, a big part of this comes from the fact that people are NOT really comfortable with themselves -- there's often an unhealthy inner dialog, which a sense of others watching/judging you that especially kicks in if and when you go out and about ALONE -- as opposed to a healthy inner dialog and sense of self that simply "enjoys" and focuses on whatever activity you are engaged in (and ignores/dismisses the sort of -- quite frankly paranoid -- idea that others care or notice, much less that one should really CARE about whether they do or not).

As for re-mediating that... well I'd suggest you take up some active hobby/craft that requires focused time ALONE, so that you become accustomed to keeping occupied/busy (and ideally "happy" & productive) in something that doesn't depend on the validation of other people.

Other things that people can/have found helpful include stuff that is more directly aimed at changing that "inner dialog" -- meditation, learning to enjoy "silence" (as opposed to being surrounded by a constant cacophony of noise), and simply "being" as opposed to constantly "doing", etc.

--

There are plenty of resources online and/or in book form, I'd suggest you just begin doing a search on things like "the art of being alone" or "active solitude" etc.

Lytalm · 2015-09-16T13:17:31+00:00

For me, "young MGTOW", I have been in a relationship for 7 years when I was 16. Now it's been 2 years I'm alone. I have to admit, the process from being in couple to single is somewhat like a rehab. You think about it almost every day. Sometime it's painfull. Every then you will find yourself pathetic.

But slowly, you will get past those feelings. Keep reading stuff, challenge yourself "Why do I feel like that when the logical thinking is clear", etc.

A part of my definition of MGTOW is to stop looking for women validation and I think it's one of the most difficult thing to achieve.

taewoodz · 2015-09-16T13:49:45+00:00

your problem bro is that your still hesitant on taking the red pill 100% and yes you can read this thread every day and you could even see yourself start to change your view points BUT you will never really understand it until you make the conscious effort to understand why you can't win the game and how much better it would be for a man to go his own path and focus on himself rather than to put all your chips into a hopeless relationship to fill a void you can fill yourself by adopting something your passionate about into your schedule everyday. I will be the first to tell you even when your in a relationship you are STILL alone, if it wasn't for the euphoric effects of neurotransmitters that's going through your brain making you feel attached to said person you wouldn't feel the desire to force yourself to get into a relationship TLDR; You have to focus on yourself and remove the distraction of females you don't have to remove all ties and never speak to females just understand that for the most part only family and the closest of friends will ever give a single fuck about you and even some of those people truly won't care but love yourself to the point that nobody else could possibly fill a void because there wouldn't be one

Falkrik · 2015-09-16T12:23:54+00:00

well im a 21yo virgin that is inherently introverted (as well as social anxiety added in). I mean i've improved a lot since finishing high school and starting college in terms of being outgoing, but in the end I'm happy by myself.

This isn't to say i dont like being social, i have some close friends, and socialise at school/work. Most of my free time is spent by myself however.

Only had 1 gf in gr 12 (lol), and as i said above havent had sex, so cant help in that department, but I really recommend reading/meditating a lot to just figure yourself out and try and give yourself insight.

I still think life is so pointless sometimes and why i should do anything at all, but then i remember how satisfying it is to complete goals, learn + improve myself and the world. So i guess for you, you just need to somehow convince yourself that you DON'T need someone to be happy, just yourself. I understand that can be hard though as I see it with my brother who is the complete opposite of me (super extroverted).

good luck man!

TFCNU · 2015-09-16T13:19:21+00:00

I always say that this isn't for everyone, or even most people. Personally, I don't crave emotional intimacy like you're describing. I like being alone. I have good friends. I have good relationships with my family. I have a job I don't hate that pays well. I'm probably only home two or three nights a week. I work out. I cook healthy, tasty meals for myself. I feel great. It's a good life. Why should I let someone else fuck with it?

sardinemanR · 2015-09-16T16:13:09+00:00

I guess this is why most people are BP. Perhaps many BP do understand they are being beta and things are rigged against them, but the alternative is for them to be depressed and lonely, so they just forge ahead as a beta.

Nobody can tell you how to live your life. MGTOW especially isn't about convincing others to take that lifestyle, it's more for people that already live it to communicate with each other.

If I were you, rather than try to be MGTOW and be depressed I would continue doing whatever it is you've been doing so far in life. Either you'll complain about that too and have lots of people to commiserate with, or you'll be happier that way, either way it's better for you than to take the less traveled road of MGTOW or TRP.

2015-09-16T23:40:20+00:00

You have to learn to wake the fuck up and realize the modern day women is just a parasite. I would wager a guess that you don't have a lot of experience with women in general. Read /r/theredpill for your dose of red pills.

I do not think I could completely forgo that experience of pair bonding

Bonding with women: "Take me out to dinner, to a movie, buy me clothes, keep me HAAAPY, I'm the victim here and I'm not able to make any real decisions so I have someone to blame when they go wrong. ME.ME.ME! gimme!"

Depression plagues me.

How does this have anything to do with women? You think being a relationshit is going to fix this? It's not, it'll probably make you even more depressed. Learn to accept it and move on with your life.

Meaningless haunts me.

Yes, life is meaningless, which is great because it allows you the FREEDOM to give it any meaning you want. Would you like it if you were forced into slavery because that was the "Meaning of life?" that God forced upon everyone? Again, move on.

Casual sex doesn't fill the void

And nothing will.

I can't help but have this unrelenting urge to get into a deep relationship. I suspect I'm a hapless victim to my genetic drive, and a lot - I would expect the vast majority - are like me

Well then since your such a victim to your genetic drive you might as well get married now.

I could without doubt though see someone a bit more advanced in their life, perhaps in their 40s having come out of a previous marriage and done the whole family thing, as embracing and even being enriched by the philosophy.

Or any man who's gotten past the "women are wonderful" effect and realized their true, parasitic, childlike, ungrateful behavior.

My genuine question is how do you younger MGTOWs do it? Do you experience periods of darkness and depression, or loneliness, and how do you overcome it?

It's easy once you've dealt with a crazy bitch here and there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rWunrNejmA

squidracer · 2015-09-16T11:38:39+00:00

expand your social circle.. I just got out of a 5 year cohabitation, but before that I was mostly mgtow through my 20's.. I've always had gf's off and on (mostly 3-6 months at a time), but mostly I had other stuff to do..

I was part of a large group of riders that always had things going on.. The excitement of doing 100mph whoolies tends to be more exciting then netflixing it with some boring broad

2015-09-16T15:05:03+00:00

I have a few different comments on that:

- Sounds like me when I was younger than you, which means more sex drive. I was deep focused on university and job, while people around me were saying "you are wasting the best years of your life". If I had to go back, I would do everything again.

- The almost ubiquitous need for intimacy with a female to every man seens to have so many different reasons for that. Mother figure need, social conditioning, personal habit... My case? I had "mom issues" when younger and it was one of the most painful things to realize and even harder to admit it to myself. After doing that, what happened inside me about woman was much clearer.

- At 35 I do still want intimacy and connect (not "bond") with woman. But I cannot unsee what I saw. I would even welcome uncommitted sex, but not in the mood to deal with female unbalanced hormonal bullshit.Also deeply commited to a personal project that seems to be very close to be accomplished, and I don't want distractions.

2015-09-16T19:07:57+00:00

You say you are depressed now, just wait until you have wife and kids or support payments

abertsa · 2015-09-16T13:15:29+00:00

You sounds about a lot like myself.

Here's what I'm doing. Saving up money, and going to SE Asia for a while. Who knows how long. I may work there teaching English if it comes to it. For now, I'm working my current job while applying to multinational corporations at my current career level. Making things maintain themselves while I'm gone, and also situating all the shit I own legally, so I can travel stress free.

I work, and work on garage and home improvements to pass the time, and get in better physical shape because of a lot of heavy physical labor. A lot of the outlook on life is up to you. Look into a book by allen watts called the art of happiness, it might help your outlook improve, but I don't take it literally either.

Elder_Yautja · 2015-09-16T15:56:42+00:00

I'm almost exactly the same age as you, and it wasn't that long ago, really just as I started to learn about going mgtow, that I wasn't sure if a life alone was what I really wanted, despite the risks. But the more I learned the more thoroughly disillusioned I became with the idea of romantic love and pair bonding. The red pill is a bitter pill, but once you get over that sense of loss, and you do, what you are left with is clarity. Its like someone showing you how an amazing magic trick is really done, it takes the "magic" out of it.

I'll put a link below to a short(ish) video. Its one of the best explanations of the differences in the way men and women experience romantic affection:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5OnPJoZG8A

My-Name-Is-No-One · 2015-09-16T17:25:20+00:00

Pair bonding? Men and women have not evolved to do that, and romantic love is a myth, a religion, a big business, and the chemicals of 'love' in the brain fade in very short order. Worse still, the industrialized west is set up to benefit and encourage women's entitled bull shit (because they are mallable little salves who spend a lot of men's hard earned money, among other things), so no matter what kinda woman a man finds, he still has to deal with coddled, selfish, entitled, manipulative female behavior. And all women are like that. There is no fair or remotely equal partnership for a man to find. Period. If you tho k women know honor and duty, they don't. Any look at women's consistent behavior throughout history to the current day shows you how shallow, fickle, and selfish women have been for thousands of years, and while feminism is an offshoot of this nature, it is not te root cause - so don't fool yourself once again to think that a non or anti-feminist woman is the answer, because even they have been content to sit back and take men for granted, enslave them, and do nothing to stand up for men. And you want to find a partner in this lot? I know it's hard to swallow, but notions of love and partnership are myths, and until you swallow this bitter medicine, you'll just be lying to yourself, likely flying on auto pilot trying to fill your own male mother needs in your search for validation and acceptance, but woman don't care about doing much of anything for a man unless it benefits her anyhow, so you'll be searching in vain.

As for women. You can't win. All women are hypergamous, selfish, and they don't see or treat men as human beings, but they'll put the expectations in the world on a man and demonized him for it whether or not he loves up to them, all to keep him in bondage. If men do choose to be with a woman, prepare for disappointment as women are terrible fucking friends and partners to men, and the only question to ask is "how much bullshit is a man willing to put up with?" Because she'll put up with very little bullshit from a man and drop you quick when he finds a more subservient/wealthier dick. And there is no comparable benefit for men - you can take the lead and set clear boundaries and keep a woman in check, but she will stil be entitled and nag and shit-test you and there is no end to their bull-shit, and when you do take charge, well then your basically stuck baby sitting a grown up. But here's the thing - women never grow up because people seldom call them on their manipulative bull-shit and we live in a society that caters to and pays for their pussies.

Men learn that if they want anything outta life, they have to be self-reliant. Women remain children, saying "GIMMIE GIMMIE" to men and the government.

As for more info on how women have duped and continue to dupe men and female's subversive and manipulative behavior, there is plenty of content and knowledge out there based on history, biology, science, hard data that proves women's atrocious behavior and so forth, and if you're genuinely curious, I suggest you look it up. The sooner a man stops lying to himself, the sooner he can learn what it means to go his own way.

TrialsAndTribbles · 2015-09-16T20:29:10+00:00

I take C3 Curcumin, it lowers my sex drive and benefits my health tremendously.

Thermillimeter · 2015-09-16T23:38:22+00:00

Tbh, I have never been in a relationship with a woman at all. Afterwards I have seen what they are really like, and it's more of a way of dodging a bullet. I'm one of the younger MGTOW. Being autistic makes MGTOW much easier.

samirahmad2594 · 2015-09-17T02:50:09+00:00

Well I'm 24 and went MGTOW at 18 so there's that. It's not that hard, its called monk status. You work on yourself and self-development, creating good habits, and concentrating on yourself and not on other people (aka women/feminazis)

BrianW1999 · 2015-09-17T03:57:49+00:00

Just give it a shot then. You can fill the "void" with friends, volunteering, work, hobbies, travel, etc., etc. Whatever you want.

I'm your age. The last time I was in a relationship was a few years ago. The last time I dated was a few months ago. I found myself annoyed pretty quickly in both situations.

It's strange, I was lonely in my 20's. I'm not lonely now. I'm still recovering from stress from living with family and I live alone and can breathe freely now. It's glorious most of the time.

You gotta do what's best for you, though.

1337Gandalf · 2015-09-17T17:49:22+00:00

Realize that it's all bullshit, and fake. that's how I did it.

DarkestJ · 2015-09-18T00:58:19+00:00

Because the "pair bonding" and "intimacy" is a sham. It's not real and just because some of us are younger, I myself am only 23 and MGTOW, doesn't mean we can't recognize this and remove ourselves from the equation.

However, the transition to MGTOW was a process. I was engaged to my girlfriend of 3 years when I caught wind of her cheating ways. Initially I couldn't wait to find a better girl to replace her, but in time and during the healing of that betrayal, I realized how stupid that was and how much I preferred being alone and want nothing from women.

I've always been extremely introverted since boyhood anyway. It's just how I'm programmed. I walk my path alone and proudly so.

Lonny_zone · 2015-09-18T03:22:53+00:00

They are not attractive enough to attract women in the first place, most likely.

Yakatonker · 2015-09-19T06:07:23+00:00

The "loneliness" is simply the enslaving, biological programming of mother nature. The red pill is reality, the blue pill is the program, the one buried in the heart and the soul of every man that breaks him. That programming is an economical program which gives weight and obscene amounts of preference to Gynocentrism, women, children and the classes of hierarchy. None of that economy means anything to a mans quality of life, to his personal survival, that programming is only there to force you to reproduce.

The above said the void is likely a lacking in social interactions or other inter personal activities that are of a meaningful value. People have friends, but friends who trade in the ideals of mainstream philosophy which is mostly garbage. Most people are shuttered inside, however this isolation breaks down online. MMOs, forums, etc seem to be quite popular for men because its here we're not so censored, here where we can trade our ideals and communicate freely without the censor of gynocentric preferencing.

The younger MGTOWs likely have it easier because of video gaming, MMOs, pornography that defer a lot of male energy out of the system. More of a safe vent then taking that energy towards women, and society, which overall spares a lot of younger men the evils of society, though it can be much of a addictive harbor as such.

wasthereadogwithyou · 2015-09-19T16:30:35+00:00

My friend, you (like all men, including myself) have a void within you. No woman can fill it. No church can fill it. No drugs or alcohol can quench the flame. The solution is a closely guarded secret.

Title	How do younger MGTOW's do it?
Author	millenialsoup
Upvotes	12
Comments	44
Date	September 16, 2015 10:46 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/3l5ncz/how_do_younger_mgtows_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/how-do-younger-mgtows-do-it.623557 https://theredarchive.com/post/623557

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