How Do You Deal With A Verbally Abusive Adult Female Daughter?

Appleseed12333 · 2016-03-21T18:20:11+00:00

[deleted]

2016-03-21T18:47:09+00:00

Give her the cold shoulder. There's nothing else for it.

Better to be an estranged father than a daughter's emotional punching bag.

stawek · 2016-03-21T18:47:07+00:00

Dear OP, I feel for you. I have a daughter and it would hurt so much if she treated me like this one day.

Don't be an Enabler. Enablers have good intentions, but as you know : the road to hell is paved with exactly those.

Here is what will work : tell her, very clearly, "I love you and that is why I am putting my foot down. You are NOT a princess. You are NOT special unless proven otherwise. Why do you think ALL your relationships fail, and the only people who can bear you are your parents, huh?! GROW UP! You will now practice treating me with respect, and when I am satisfied, you will be allowed to visit me", and that's it. Cry your tears privately. Put a very stern and serious face whenever she shows up with her pouty attitude. Don't let her blackmail you. She'll come around in 5 years and your grandchild will love you, don't worry.

Edit : OP, read this about "How the world exploits you":

https://meinwords.wordpress.com/2010/03/29/advice-to-the-gullible-innocent-about-the-world/

"The key to defeating them is to realize that they need you and you don’t need them. Their world cannot exist without victims like you."

cariboo_j · 2016-03-21T21:26:59+00:00

Giving her money at 30?

Man I'm 26 and I make it a point of pride to never ask my parents for money. After a certain age it's just shameful imo.

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2016-03-21T18:36:02+00:00

You know what the real sad thing is? Is that she thinks she is right and that she is the victim. She has convinced herself she is the princess and you are the villain. I have a similar story in my family too. This is the result of our gynocentic society.

2016-03-21T18:57:51+00:00

Does she stand with her feet pointed at 90 degree angles while she bitches about something someone she knows did or said?

Change your name and move. Get rid of Facebook and your cell. Have a midlife crisis that doesn't involve her.

She's going to treat you like you're a fucking asshole either way. May as well act like one.

looc22 · 2016-03-21T18:21:14+00:00

I think the real purpose of this post is for you to vent, because I'm sure you already know the solution to your problem.

I don't have children, never will, but I can understand how painful it must be to be driven to thinking about cutting off contact with your own daughter. If she's really as bad as you say she's causing you nothing but pain and will continue to cause nothing but pain. You either need to tell her that her behavior, as it is now, is unacceptable if she wants to live you or (optimally) you just need to minimize your contact with her. It sounds like the child's father had the right idea since he got away from her.

I'm sorry that you're in such a shitty situation, my heart goes out to you. Stay strong man.

MasherusPrime · 2016-03-21T19:11:26+00:00

I know, use that as leverage,

Don't do it. You don't want that whiny princess ruining your days. If she changes at all, it will be couple weeks back to the cunt mode.

If you want to help, take her to doctor and get blood tests done. Maybe diabetes, hormonal issues or something else. Otherwise cut contact.

Life is too short to listen to toxic put downs all day. You ll kill yourself in a year.

Ovendice · 2016-03-21T20:22:22+00:00

Op, I know she's your daughter but your responsibility ended for her when she became an adult. You have your life to live, and your happiness is every bit as important as anyone else's. Do what you can to help your kids, but don't enable abusive relationships. Also, you aren't getting any younger, and your health and possibly your mental faculties won't be where they are today, do you really want this kind of personality around when you are sick and defenseless? It really sucks about the grandchild though, I really wish there was some easy solution there.

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2016-03-21T20:49:51+00:00

Well first of all I think you'll need to go on a hunt for your balls... because you seem to have lost them somewhere along the line.

2016-03-21T21:13:45+00:00

/u/Ovendice you know what you have to do, simply cut her off until she changes. After a person is 18 years and older their personality will never make a 180 degree turn, maybe 102 degree to fool you but at the end of the day she won't respect you. And to me personally it's about that you can live without your daughter as tough as it maybe but at the end can you live without your self respect?

I am saying this because if she get's out of line with cursing and showing rude behavior then you have to let "LIFE" or what I call the "STREETS" teach her a thing or two before you even consider her come in contact with her. I know its cold, but to be frank this is a cold world and only the one's who is used to it will get through.

2016-03-21T21:37:51+00:00

Why put up with it? She's a grown woman - "strong and independent".

Stop giving her money. Don't tolerate the verbal abuse. And if she doesn't like that let her leave.

And for god's sake don't let her move in.

You're just encouraging the bad behavior by putting up with it.

If she refuses to talk to you or let you see your grandchild, then you may just have to accept that.

exit-stage-right2 · 2016-03-22T04:30:16+00:00

lol, I read the title! .... so it's an adult female daughter, as opposed to an adult male daughter, adult male son or adult female son!😜

Ovendice · 2016-03-21T19:19:24+00:00

slap her once right across the face. open palm. look right at her and say: "any more bullshit sass from you and i'm cutting you off of any and all monetary benefits". she will quit that day.

cynicalsimon · 2016-03-21T20:58:15+00:00

I know I should believe you but I came from a household where my one parent(my mom), was a terrible, terrible parent and she treated me really bad, so I can't grasp kids being so bad. I can only grasp bad parents. Everyone has had different experiences. Am I right or am I right? Also, I know its not justified but I would swear back, pretty much everyday at her because I couldn't cope with how much she treated me inappropriately. It was the only way I could cope. I know two wrongs don't make a right but it was a very bad scenario.

douglas_p · 2016-03-21T21:15:17+00:00

This sort of behavior seems to be extremely common among narcissistic single mothers. They take advantage of their immediate families and use their kid as leverage to get whatever they want.

mutageno · 2016-03-22T01:23:10+00:00

Carrot and stick.

Carrot: if she behaves well, help her out, compliment her.

Stick: ignore her and don't do her any favors, not even for her children

adave4allreasons · 2016-03-22T04:11:01+00:00

Had one of those-- don't do it. It will be hell getting her out.

2016-03-22T04:51:50+00:00

careful, let her move in and she could destroy your life. She decides she wants to get back at you for some bullshit reason and she tells the police you abused her or molested her daughter and you can kiss your house, your job and your life goodbye. Don't risk it.

victor_knight · 2016-03-22T06:19:03+00:00

I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but you can't trust your own daughter. She's obviously been brainwashed to hate you by her mother. Letting her move in with you is a mistake. She might one day just decide to claim you raped her so she gets all your stuff and can enjoy watching you rot in jail. She may even do worse. End things amicably and keep your door locked. You'll get over seeing her and your grandchild. Start enjoying your own life, for a change.

oldredder · 2016-03-22T09:08:32+00:00

For your own good cut her out of your life. She needs your help more than you need hers. She's depending on paternal weakness to be her tool for enablement.

2016-03-22T10:04:18+00:00

I wish I could help, but I have gone through this with a female relative, and they can only help themselves.

I have a few online acquaintances on other boards - women who used to be "crazy" but worked hard for years to sort themselves out. I believe woman can do it, but they need a wake up call - they need to see that people aren't taking it anymore, and to make the decision themselves.

It's hard work for those women that break these patterns in themselves and I respect those that make a strong effort on it. I believe its especially harder for women because they have to break out of the media/societal belief that people are gonna take their crap and beg for more.

The first step is admitting that they've got a problem.

nigelh · 2016-03-22T10:06:31+00:00

OMG don't do a deal and let her move in. You will die hating yourself for that. I know the bond to a child and a grandchild is embedded deep in our genes but you do them no good by becoming her piggy bank to dip into whenever she likes.

You have no leverage once she is there, the abuse will restart and get worse. You are not walking a rope over a bottomless pit - there is no rope - you are just jumping in.

2016-03-22T14:55:00+00:00

I don't see my brother or my nieces and nephew because of his toxic wife. I feel you man...

You can't demand someone's intent... all you can do is to demand respect and live with the consequences.

"...you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work. "

Ferris Bueller

2016-03-22T16:16:24+00:00

I'm late to the game here, but what do YOU think you should have done? Tell her to shut the fuck up, don't babysit, and don't give her money. Call her a cunt and a loser, and to respect her father.

aanarchist · 2016-03-22T18:35:19+00:00

mgtow broski, if a woman is taking quality away from your life rather than adding to it, you ghost her, daughter or not.

MuscleCarz · 2016-03-22T03:03:04+00:00

Here's my advice:

Record her verbal rants and abusive attacks...that way, if she decides to get "cute" and make false accusations when/if you "draw the line" with her (which you need to do, IMO), you've got evidence.

Hate to tell you this, but I smell PERSONALITY DISORDER.

Take a gander and GOOGLE "Borderline Personality," "Narcissist," and "Histrionic" and look a the symptoms and behaviors.

As hard as it sounds, you're going to have to do what you did before, DRAW THE LINE IN THE SAND. It's called having BOUNDARIES. Tell her again, her behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and if she even STARTS to "go there" ever again, you'll make her leave YOUR house IMMEDIATELY. Make sure she knows YOU'RE DEAD SERIOUS and BACK IT UP WHEN SHE "TESTS" YOU, which she will.

If she tries to "punish" you by staying away (Narcissists are so self-centered they actually believe staying away and "depriving" you of their presence is killing you inside, when in reality, you've got peace back in your life).

Granted, you may love her and love her child, but all you're doing is CRIPPLING her by letting her abuse you.

She's not going to like it at first, when/if you send her packing, but she'll RESPECT you for it and may turn it around...unless of course--if she's Borderline or Narcissistic, then it's all bets off and you're going to have to distance yourself from her for your own mental sanity.

Stay strong and be strong for you and HER.

Title	How Do You Deal With A Verbally Abusive Adult Female Daughter?
Author	Ovendice
Upvotes	32
Comments	59
Date	March 21, 2016 6:07 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/4bdfyr/how_do_you_deal_with_a_verbally_abusive_adult/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/how-do-you-deal-with-a-verbally-abusive-adult.637172 https://theredarchive.com/post/637172

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