Is my love language invalid?

An4t · 2020-05-08T19:55:04+00:00

No. Being emotionally expressive is a gift, so don't suppress it to please anyone. Focus on finding an empathetic woman who'll appreciate it :)

luridlurker · 2020-05-08T19:59:06+00:00

> Do I really have to pretend not to care about a girl in order to win her over?

Would that work on you? Do you know anyone that would work on? I'm sure there's some people who like the cat and mouse game playing, but I personally see it as drama for the sake of drama. Don't chase or date people you have to change yourself to attract.

> Will a girl leave me if I start crying in front of her?

Are you crying because you're working through your emotions? Or using tears to manipulate those around you? If she's a good person, and you're a good person and you're both a good match for each other, showing honest emotion will bring you guys closer.

> Will a girl leave me because I'm perhaps more emotionally expressive and open than her?

See above, same gist applies. My husband is much much much more expressive about emotion than I am and I admire him for it.

> Will a girl leave me because I'm sensitive and more easily hurt than others?

Again, same as above. Be yourself. Don't mutate yourself to attract someone or you're dooming yourself to misery and risking attracting just shitty drama-based people.

Aksen · 2020-05-09T00:15:43+00:00

Some PEOPLE are like that. Has nothing to do with women, unless you're with someone subscribing to toxic gender norms.

ChaosQueeen · 2020-05-08T21:25:36+00:00

Women are not a monolith, and unfortunately there are some women who would think less of you and even break up with you for expressing your emotions. There are also lots of women who would appreciate you for sharing how you feel. I personally believe it's fine for men being emotional but again, people are different.

Being in touch with your emotions and accepting yourself for who you are is a good thing and a relationship with a woman who believes you should pretend to be someone you're not isn't worth the hassle. You're fine the way you are, and I'm sure you'll find someone who likes you for you

_Crazy_Luck_ · 2020-05-08T19:20:46+00:00

Nooo!! All of this is what will make a girl fall in love with you! :3 just maybe save it for later...like.. Try to not cry on the first date etc.. those things should be earned. You don't have to pretend, but just be more selective with who you share your feelings etc. If you reveal everything on the first date already, it doesn't feel 'earned'. She may think you're 'easy' and you open up to every girl you meet...she won't feel special.. If you fall for her before you even really know her, she can get scared and think you could fall for someone else just as quickly...

raziphel · 2020-05-08T23:48:17+00:00

No, of course not. If someone does those things, for whatever reason, they're not the right person for you and you should find someone who aligns better.

However.

There are healthy and unhealthy ways to express emotions. Communicating whatever you need to say in a safe, stable, and constructive way is typically best. I know that might sound hard, but it's just a skill that takes practice. Your feelings are valid, but they only get to inform your decisions - they don't get to control you.

As a fellow delicate flower and someone with a highly-dynamic emotional range (thanks, ADD), getting to that point is a challenge, but I guarantee you're worth the work. It's far better to do that work sooner than later.

Think of it like this: emotions aren't the problem. Instability is the problem, and "the problem" here is a much longer conversation about deeper topics regarding the average woman's experiences with unstable men, but that's a different topic. Don't fall for the "cold-hearted bitch" straw argument.

Back on track though: learning to express strong feelings toward someone in ways that aren't perceived as red flags just takes practice and patience. You'll get there.

Yesm3can · 2020-05-09T06:03:11+00:00

You knew the answer to this. Some will and some won't.

If you have some male friends and go cry to them, some of these dudes will be uncomfortable with this display, some will get you some beers and let you vent. Why should women be any different?

whereisthescrew · 2020-05-08T19:54:27+00:00

If you want to get rid of your GF, cry in front of her. Be an emotional guy. The rare times i broke into an emotional mess in front of a GF that was it. It was just a question of weeks before she dumps my ass.

I don't think my experience is anecdotic. I've read many similar cases. I guess it's female nature, when they see your tears something snap and you become a disgusting weak man in their eyes

Title	Is my love language invalid?
Author	SudaneseCharm
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	May 8, 2020 6:57 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/gfz64n/is_my_love_language_invalid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-my-love-language-invalid.662038 https://theredarchive.com/post/662038

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