Being "tough" at work?

artemis286 · 2018-05-30T13:57:49+00:00

This is 100% me, though I was never particularly great at faking being anything else. There is a new wave term called "HSP" or "highly sensitive person", and whether that's really a particular category of people or just a particular personality trait, I don't know. But I've always been this way, since I was a small child, before puberty and hormones ever hit.

I was always sensitive, easy to make cry and upset, and exceptionally loving, caring, and attentive to the needs of others. And I went into nursing thinking that caring personality would serve me. Man was I wrong. Nursing and medical in general were extremely rough on me! Actually caring for people was lovely, but it was such a tiny percentage of my time. Always being late, always having too many patients, and always being told I was too nice or took too long with my patients finally got to me. Dealing with angry, rude, fighting nurses, awful physicians, and generally angry patients day in and day out became miserable. I couldn't treat people like tasks to be accomplished. I saw my first "code blue" in school (when someone comes in to the ER already on CPR) and they couldn't resecuitate him. They also thought it was funny to have the students do chest compressions. And after all that we just were expected to go back to our day, and a friend even shared it as something exciting in post conference. There was a dead man in front of us, and it was considered exciting. I graduated six months ago and never looked back, I teach private music classes to children at a music school now and love my work!

I know bills need to be paid, but I'd recommend seeing I'd there may be another job out there for you. I was paid $12/hour cash as a private nanny while in college, and if you live in an expensive city it may even be more. I adored the work, and I'll probably go back to it when we move, with my degree I can get alot more. Pet care, shipt grocery delivery, anything with children, and so many other things have suited me well over the years, and sometimes I had to look outside the box! I've also been a birth doula and lactation consultant.

I come from a religious background that highly values feminine nature and the divine gifts of women. And actively teaches that the world pushes us to be harsher, more competitive, and mean. But that our soft, nurturing nature is beautiful and a gift from God. So please don't be ashamed! I was for so long. I felt I needed to be stronger, be tougher, or whatever. It caused horrible anxiety, and generally made me miserable.

I've realized you couldn't pay me twice was nurses make to do the job. I'll happily, gladly, thankfully take half and be a nanny, music teacher, preschool teacher, or anything like that and be so satisfied with my life! There is a toxic feminist culture of rejecting all traditional feminine jobs, and I often felt if I had picked one of those I wouldn't be good enough. I had to have some prestigious career and education to prove myself. And even though I had the brain to do it, I tested out beautifully, I just didn't have the cold personality.

But upon accepting the person that I am, I've found so much more security and happiness in my life. And my husband loves and values my soft and nurturing nature, and is so grateful that I'll be raising our children with it.

PumpkinSub · 2018-05-30T14:18:17+00:00

The teasing, shoving, and telling other servers to do tasks is simply restaurant life. I've worked in a few and it was the same in each one. You really should learn to hone the skill to tell people how you want to be treated. They can't read minds and will make the assumption for you if you don't speak up. No one likes a pushover and being a pushover is not a feminine trait or a trait you would want. Practice saying, "I don't like being teased", "I don't have the time to do that.", "This is my break time, sorry". As far as the shoving be a model for the behavior you want. When i was in the weeds I would say "Behind"/"Sorry in a rush!!" its okay to put people on the spot and when they do something rude just look at them and say, "That was rude". You don't have to change your personality to be a server but you do have to stand up for yourself when you don't like something otherwise you just become a self inflicting victim.

ldienell2018 · 2018-05-30T20:19:49+00:00

I am a caregiver and make $20 an hour. I find it very rewarding and it's still a very feminine trade. I used to be a server and bartender and it wore on me and help lead to me becoming very anxious and depressed.

elynnlynn · 2018-05-30T12:56:28+00:00

I started reading this and thought it was about me! I am exactly the same way! I am overly sensitive and often cry about confrontation (even if I don't mean/want to!). It is difficult in a high stress workplace like that (being a server) especially considering a lot of places like that have management with "favorites" or just downright unprofessional.

My advice is, don't change. It is not a fault to be sensitive. The moment you start owning it, explaining to yourself that you would rather be yourself than become someone else for their sake, it will get easier. People will not understand, they will not agree with you all the time. And that's okay. Softness is not a fault. That being said, when you learn to accept and process those feelings of sensitivity, it may start to become easier to cry less and learn to articulate how you feel without your emotions drowning you. And learn to HAVE FUN every damn day, even when everyone around you is being less than cordial. Find a reason to keep on smiling and keep on pushing on.

Also, have you considered switching jobs? I know when I moved from a restaurant to a more formal financial setting, it was the beginning of a whole new world for me! I am so happy and am blessed with AMAZING managers who actually see my personality as a positive and an imperative piece of our team. Look around! It's worth stepping out of your comfort zone!

ricerooroobunny · 2018-05-30T15:27:48+00:00

I am the same. Unfortunately i can't do restaurant work for that reason. I am thin skinned and that's ok. I will take the pay cut to not feel like shut all night. The extra money means nothing when i m crying, calling my fiance and bringing hostility home. And he agrees. I do feel like I'd be able to take the tounge lashing more if the job was more 'important ' I often tell myself, your man doesn't get pissy and upset and leave anytime he gets a scolding, but then again he makes 23$\ hr and has the option to turn around and give them a piece of his mind. I don't think serving is a real job, in the sense of HR chain of command etc. And that's why I stay away.

aussiedollface · 2018-05-31T04:15:07+00:00

that sounds awful! can you try babysitting, retail or some sort of tutoring/education/carer role? xo

homegirl93 · 2018-05-31T18:23:19+00:00

I too am in the restaurant industry, and I too am kind of sensitive, although I've toughened up substantially since exiting my teen years and being in the industry for five years.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about other people's crappy personalities and beahvior, and the restaurant industry tends to attract some crappy people (along with plenty of wonderful people).

I would recommend either getting out of the industry altogether, or finding a way to not let your co-workers get to you. My tactic when starting a new serving job is to keep the mentality of "I'm here to make money, not friends". I focus on making my guests happy, turning tables quickly and getting my side work done efficiently, and the rest kind of falls into place. If you cultivate a good resting bitch face, treat your co-workers with kindness and respect but don't go out of your way to get to know them on a deeper level, and keep the hustler mentality, people won't mess with you as much.

When I started my first serving job (at Hooters, no less, ha), I was a nervous effing wreck suffering from severe self esteem issues that made every little joke feel like a personal attack, and I desperately felt the need to be liked by my coworkers. Of course, all this was obvious and made me a target for meanness. In an all female work environment. Lovely time I had there.

Your two options are to toughen up or leave the industry. You don't have to be crude, condescending or rude to be mentally tough. Just stand your ground, and do your job. And as my mom used to tell me when I was in high school "don't let the bitches get you down".

md8716 · 2018-05-30T16:29:07+00:00

I would say a lot of it is your environment. An expensive urban environment is exactly the type of place that attracts and produces the type of competitive, hard-hearted people that you obviously don't mix well with.

I would seriously consider a move to a less competitive area with more tight-knit, caring, humane people. Not just for your own mental health, but your financial health and future as well.

Title	Being "tough" at work?
Author	likeaprometheancurse
Upvotes	20
Comments	9
Date	May 30, 2018 8:09 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8n6ufv/being_tough_at_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/being-tough-at-work.67358 https://theredarchive.com/post/67358

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