Thoughts on Men with kids from a previous marriage

Windiigo · 2018-12-04T12:35:38+00:00

My husband is a good man and divorced, he also has two teenage sons (16 and 18) from his previous marriage who live with us 50% of the time. He divorced because his ex is mentally ill and was a threat to the children. She is no longer a threat to the children as she is well medicated and watched but she is clearly still very much disordered. Getting 50% custody was the most the court would grant however, for the simple reason that she is their mother.

I personally can´t have children due to a hormone disorder, and I like the fact that I have stepsons now. I have skipped the most difficult part of having children this way, but I still get the benefits of seeing them grow and having the feeling that I live in a true family. His sons accepted me really quickly when I came into their life so that helps I guess, it must be harder when the children don´t accept you as a stepmom.

It did not stop me at all that he had sons, the only thing we did do was introduce me gradually to them so they would not get attached too quickly without being sure that I would stay. Now I am married to my man, I treat them exactly like I would treat my own children.

It also helps that my husband takes clear responsibility for the fact that he is their father, he takes charge of most of their upbringing and makes sure he takes proper care of them including helping out with chores like washing their clothes and other things that strictly come with the care for his sons. I feel very lucky to have got a husband with bonus children given my own infertility.

Kara__El · 2018-12-04T17:29:41+00:00

How old are you? If you're 25 or under, you can probably find someone equally compatible without this baggage. If you're not, it's fair to assume many men in your pool will have a similar situation and this one seems to be functioning quite well. I never wanted to be a stepmom, but single at 27, I understood that that might be a concession I'd have to make if I wanted to find someone, especially since I was already divorced. I feel fortunate that neither I, nor my husband, have children and can claim that nuclear family I always wanted, together... but in my area, I'm an admitted outlier. If you decide this is a no go, you need to be realistic about your chances of finding someone in a more ideal situation.

AnarchoNAP · 2018-12-05T21:58:53+00:00

So much no.

I wouldn’t marry a divorced man because I don’t want someone who failed at the position I am hiring for. Until you are pushing 40 you don’t really have to compromise this.

And if he left his WIFE due to “incompatibility and growing apart” what kind of foolishness is that?? Absolutely not. He’s straight up admitting he can’t commit will leave for flimsy reasons. So ... why would you trust him? What makes you special that he will actually stay?

This isn’t a case of abuse or the like, which means he put his own emotions over the well-being of his child. I wouldn’t marry a guy who would do that. I want my kids to be taken care of.

I wouldn’t marry a guy with kids personally. I don’t have a moral or red pill objection to marrying a guy who was widowed with kids. If he is a single father or divorced then we have a demonstration that he can’t manage his affairs and so I would feel irresponsible choosing that person as father of my children.

If I wanted to raise someone else’s kids I’d adopt. These kids already have a mother so I’d either be a non-parent to kids living with me part time; or competing with their actual mother for the position. There’s no clear place for me.

pearlsandstilettos · Tue Dec 4 13:05:29 2018 UTC

We don't give advice on behalf of others. If you'd like to edit it down to simply ask for people's thoughts and experiences dating men with children, that would be ok. Your friends experiences aren't relevant to that question unless she wants advice. If she wants advice she has to come here herself and ask for it. Let me know if you decide to edit and I'll reapprove the post.

RainbowKitty77 · 2018-12-06T16:49:23+00:00

I dont think theres anything wrong with it as long as the man has clear boundaries with his ex. My ex fiance would not set boundaries with his sons mom and was pretty beta about the situation.

Title	Thoughts on Men with kids from a previous marriage
Author	anniix3
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	December 4, 2018 11:36 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/a2zwge/thoughts_on_men_with_kids_from_a_previous_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughts-on-men-with-kids-from-a-previous-marriage.67920 https://theredarchive.com/post/67920

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