Is a HVM worth adusting your standards for?

thesleeplesss · 2020-03-05T07:43:33+00:00

No. Clearly you're crushing hard and want this to work. This is part of the reason we set our standards before meeting someone and we never lower them. You can always raise the bar, but once you lower it you lose muscle and get weaker.

Maisiebr · 2020-03-05T07:34:08+00:00

A HVM, by definition, doesn't watch porn. Porn is not a hobby, a preference or anything, it reflects on the person how they view women, and if the fact that he doesn't care about women exploited isn't enough, you might consider his broken penis and warped reward system of his brain. Although I'm fairly sure that the latter is just icing on the cake and him having no empathy for women should be the biggest red flag ever.

(I know you don't know yet, but you said you wouldn't care)

cantstopthemachine77 · 2020-03-05T10:25:13+00:00

This is going to be a bit harsh but.... when you said you don’t know if he uses porn and you don’t want to ask because you would make an exception for him anyways, it reminded me of those pick me’s who say that about their man cheating.

I’m glad you see the light, per your edit.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-05T07:47:17+00:00

I feel like this is a very good question. I can see myself being in your situation and I think I have before. What I would tell myself is that even though I may not care now, porn use usually escalates and it’s one thing to not mind now if you don’t know, but it’s another to know about it and/or be in a relationship with someone where they’re not having sex with you and they find you unattractive. This is what always happens with porn. No one is immune. No matter how amazing he is now, porn will get him if he’s a regular user. That’s just how it goes. For example, addiction runs in my family big time. I don’t drink very often and I have never tried drugs because personally, I know I would be addicted and it would be a problem for me. Obviously I don’t have proof. But I don’t want to find out. I just know that as amazing as I think I am, I am no match for drugs and they are stronger than me. I’ve never even tried pot. I know there are some people that can smoke it regularly and they do well. But I don’t think I’m in that category and I’m not going to try and find out. It’s not worth it to me. I’m lucky that I wasn’t exposed to it as a teenager when most people start. Because I’m pretty sure if I was I’d still be doing it and I’d be hooked today. It’s not bad to be feeling as in love as you are. Those are good things. But often times it’s a reflection of you or the feeling he gives you. You’re feeling how awesome you think he sees you in his eyes. And you are that awesome. That’s why it feels so good. But when he changes his mind and starts treating you differently, if you don’t have a strong foundation of self-esteem, you will start to believe what he says/does to you is true. Porn use ruins men and therefore ruins relationships. It’s just what it does. And he is no match for that (if he is a porn watcher). If he’s so amazing AND right for you he will pass the porn test. If he doesn’t, the relationship has an expiration date and will leave you worse off than when you came into it. Then you have to recover if you want to have a normal life again and BELIEVE ME YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. And I don’t even have kids with me ex LVM. This is also a case of “it’s not exactly what I wanted but feels too good to pass up.” Which sounds great in theory but is a scarcity mindset (which I also have with men). If he were an Xmas present, it’d be nice, great even- but it wouldn’t be exactly what you want. You’d be happy to receive it, sure, but if you bought a present for yourself, you’d buy the exact one you wanted, right? Obviously men aren’t objects but if you’re going to commit to one person and risk so much for the relationship, you want it to look like a sure thing, even if later it turns out to end.

blackopium777 · 2020-03-05T07:26:21+00:00

Oh my. I dont even know where to start here. A HVM wont make you adjust your standards, maybe when it comes to physical appearance (f.e. "I like blonde guys, he has black hair, not quiet my type but I can work with that") but everything else would be unreasonable, especially porn use. You seem to be blinded by feelings and its not good in any way. After all, being in love will fade and you will possibly see that this guy wasnt worth it from the beginning, but then youre possibly stuck already. Its never worth it to put your standards down for a man.

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delicateearthbabe · 2020-03-05T09:12:11+00:00

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