Update/Advice Needed

aclumsygirl · 2020-02-29T01:50:41+00:00

It's really common to get down on yourself after dumping a LVM. You think, why did I put up with this guy? Why did I even attract him in the first place?

But try to reframe it. Look at it as: you gave this man an opportunity; it's not your fault that he blew it. You took the very high value step of dumping his ass when he didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That's something to be proud of. And there are always lessons for next time... maybe looking back there were red flags that you ignored before V day and now you know not to ignore them in the future. So you have made yourself smarter and wiser.

On a practical level, I've always found that buying some new clothes and getting myself back out into the dating pool helps with the post breakup blues. Go out and let some cute guys flirt with you 😊

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-02-29T02:46:34+00:00

I need some advice, though. This whole situation has left me feeling pretty down on myself, and I’m having trouble getting back into how I was before the relationship. I was doing really well following all your advice, but I can tell I’ve lost progress. Any advice on how to get back to myself again?

First and foremost. Kudos to you for taking ZERO shit and leaving that situationship. He was apathetic and ghosted you for weeks and then wondered if you were broken up. He didn't care about you, and you didn't lose anything. You actually valued yourself enough to walk away from a subpar situation.

NGL, breakups suck, especially if you're inexperienced. I'd say my first 5 breakups were devastating, and I've dated progressively higher quality guys with each round, and I have NEVER downgraded, only upgrades. Each breakup was easier than the last, and this is valuable experience. I know it sucks but dating is a skill, and it takes practice. You've successfully practiced cutting off a useless low-effort male and with enough practice, you'll be able to spot them at a greater distance. You'll be able to identify them in the texting phase and ghost them before you ever become invested. It will also hurt and suck less with time.

Umm. It's really important for you to practice self care. What you did was brave, and hard. Be patient with yourself and be extra kind to yourself. You did good. You did the work of maintaining your mental and emotional wellbeing by getting rid of someone who wasn't invested in you.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-02-29T04:13:28+00:00

He didn’t talk to you for weeks and had the audacity to ask if you were still together? Excuse me? He has to have hit his head recently.

Skittleschild02 · 2020-02-29T02:11:01+00:00

Be gentle on yourself. You didn’t feel appreciated in the relationship and so you broke it off. Applaud yourself for knowing your wants and needs in relationship.

Right now, just breather from dating, cut all contact from him, and level up your self esteem.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-29T02:09:18+00:00

Hanging out with female friends and prioritizing your needs and interests will help, but it's going to hurt for awhile. I mean is only been a couple of weeks you can't really expect to be fully healed. Some people can get over shit quickly, but don't pressure yourself to be one of those people if that's just not how you feel. It's ok to feel down, just don't feel down forever, you know? And it might be best to hold off on dating until those feelings of sadness and vulnerability decline. It will take time but it will happen. Until then it might be best to consult a friend or therapist or just do nice things for yourself.

Title	Update/Advice Needed
Author	Roseroserosey
Upvotes	31
Comments	8
Date	February 29, 2020 1:25 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fb52es/updateadvice_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/updateadvice-needed.681283 https://theredarchive.com/post/681283

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