What to do when he questions your commitment?

SureEmployment4 · 2020-01-29T19:50:38+00:00

I don’t think it is your job to “reassure” him. Until he puts a ring on it he should always have a seed of doubt anyways. It sounds like you are doing a good job and I wouldn’t switch things up.. you’re a busy woman with options, that is what attracted him in the first place.

I noticed you mentioned that you are unsure about commitment. If this is a HVM that is looking for marriage and he can’t escalate things with you (as in, meeting his parents and other big steps in a relationship) then this won’t last long. But if you are looking for marriage at some point as well, then you should keep implementing FDS and go along with the natural progression of the relationship. Don’t shy away from talks about what you want in your future.

Enough-Introduction · 2020-01-29T19:51:04+00:00

Are you scared of turning this into a relationship? That‘s what I kind of read between the lines with you mentioning not craving commitment nor being emotionally ready for it. You say you are scared of losing the upper hand, is this what a relationship feels like to you?

You should think about why you are hesitant to commit. Do you not like him enough? Or do you like him, but are scared of whatever you fear will come with a relationship? Fear can point us to important aspects of a situation we might otherwise overlook, but it can also prevent us from amazing experiences if not kept in check by your rational mind. Opening up will always make us vulnerable and potentially cause fear, but it is necessary in order to experience true connection with someone. Still, it is important you only open up to those who make you feel safe. Hence, examine where your resistance is coming from.

I personally feel that after a few months, it is quite necessary to define where you‘re going. FWB has different rules to it than a relationship. If you want him by your side and do everything relationship-related, i.e. commit to you, I feel like it is unfair to him if you don‘t commit as well - otherwise leave it open and clearly tell him you are not that into it. Both is fine, but I believe that as HVW, we should be responsible enough to be honest about our intentions.

You are young, and when you do not feel ready for a relationship, don‘t do it. But if he has been good and honest to you so far, tell him where he stands so that you two find a way that is fair to both (even if it means going separate ways).

MonkeyMoney21 · 2020-01-29T18:30:50+00:00

I feel like I have the beginning parts of dating nailed down but I am unsure beyond that.

pinkyberries · 2020-01-29T20:35:36+00:00

He doesn't have to cancel his plans either. If you start canceling your plans it will make him get used to it.

Why did you tell him you flirt at work?

levelupcleverup · 2020-01-30T17:50:39+00:00

Sidebar, I encourage you not to flirt in the professional arena. There are ways to deploy your "feminine wiles" to your advantage (like looking fantastic every day) without demeaning yourself.

Parking-Act · 2020-01-29T21:02:37+00:00

Reassure him of what?

If you're still going on dates with him obviously you're still interested.

RED FLAG #1 If he's used to women kissing the ground he walks on then maybe he better go find one of those. Men with that mindset don't change. They just hide it or suppress it to "conquer" you. If he's already implied that is what he's used to then why bother with him? He showed you what he's about. There is no magical exception.

Also,

I work in an industry and company that is about 95% male, I do flirt a little to gain advantage and I am upfront about this, he has told me (somewhat) jokingly he wouldn’t tolerate it from any girl besides me.

RED FLAG #2 He's told you that you're the exception to that rule. It's a lie. You should not have told him you flirt with other men.

This situation doesn't sound good.

Title	What to do when he questions your commitment?
Author	MonkeyMoney21
Upvotes	20
Comments	12
Date	January 29, 2020 6:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/evqv68/what_to_do_when_he_questions_your_commitment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-to-do-when-he-questions-your-commitment.683731 https://theredarchive.com/post/683731

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