If you're actively dating/talking to guys/involved with men, you should be keeping a record of how your relationship is going. It is the proactive FDS way to evaluate your relationship progression regularly. You need to make sure what's going on in your life aligns with your 5-yr-plan and vision of how you want to be treated by a partner. You've read the handbook, so you know your standards, right? This should make your job weeding losers out much easier. Journaling and taking notes of each date and each convo can help you a lot too.

The more you let your mind give him the benefit of the doubt and ignore micro-red-flags, the worse off you will be. It is easy to block out little negs and digs and believe the best in people. You need to override that impulse and write down exactly what happened in a notebook instead.

You need to be keeping notes in your phone or in an actual paper journal. What to include? The dates he's taken you on. What he's said to you. Does he keep his promises or not? Are things moving along to your liking, or is he stalling commitment? Are you happy? What is your dominant emotion in this relationship?

You need to take stock just as you would sit down and plan your budget, financial goals, and educational goals. The biggest myth society has ever cajoled us into believing is that dating * happens * to us. That you wait around for a prince. That you go with the flow. Nah. You need to be actively making sure you only associate with people who treat you the way you want to be treated. You need to be picky and selective, and not settle for the first shmuck who gives you attention. This is how you get what you want out of your dating life. You observe how he's been treating you, how you've been feeling, and whether it aligns with how you see your life going. You strategize. You make sure that you're getting what you want out of your dating life. You have the same foresight and confidence with it as you do with planning your career. You can't just let love happen to you, only women who end up with LVM do that.

Trust me. Strategize. Keep a journal. Take notes of how your interactions with men are going. This will change your life. Try it for a month.

When you're having conversations with a guy, I also want you to write down every

-neg he makes

-every condescending comment

-every "joke" that was mean-spirited but he pretended it was a joke

-every put-down

-every time he didn't respond to you with the encouragement, support, and love you deserve and you yourself would give a loved one.

This is very important. The mind blacks out trauma and hurtful comments. And then in hindsight, you're like, oh fuck, all those comments and all those red flags, how could I have been so foolish?

This is why you need to start keeping notes. Don't fool yourself or play yourself.

I recently had a conversation with a negging asshole. In the moment, I didn't realize the extent of the disrespect and wasn't prepared to confront them. But after processing, here's what I realized he said

-He thinks he is smarter than I am, made an indirect neg, bragged about himself and his legendary intellect

-He thinks I should be available at his beck and call and respond immediately to texts as if I have nothing better to do in life. Was presented as a "joke", but the entitlement is real

-He thinks that mentioning how many girls want him is a normal and acceptable social comment to make

I am taking notes, and I won't forget. The time to stop letting shit slide is now. None of y'all should be letting these kinds of comments slide. Why? They are the red flags that you will be kicking yourself for ignoring in the future. Those jokes? They mean them. Truth is masked by humor.

YOU CANNOT GIVE A PERSON THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT IS ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING, "I AM GOING TO DELIBERATELY IGNORE RED FLAGS AND PLAY MYSELF."

TAKE NOTES. KEEP A JOURNAL.

If some of you would have kept a journal about your LVM ex, it would've been easier to realize how trash he is. Would've went something like this.

January: He is so great, took me out, super kind and loving

February: not as much effort as last month

March: Seems to pick fights with me for no good reason

April: The last time I felt happy was January

May: We broke up and made up again and now everything is great!!!

June: I have never been so depressed

In the heat of the moment, it is hard to see what is going on. But you can't tell me that any woman in her right mind, when confronted with a pattern, in her own writing, is not going to leave a LVM once she sees the pattern. By March or April she would've left upon reading her notes. Irl, without having notes or looking back objectively, when you're in the moment, it is easier to have your time wasted well into July and September and overlook all of the little moments. Don't play yourselves.