Moms of FDS, how young do you feel is age appropriate to start teaching daughters about FDS?

2019-12-09T20:48:32+00:00

I think 10-11 is definitely old enough to be talking about boundaries and standards. Girls already know a lot about the nature of the difference between the sexes when they hit the preteen years. Girls’ self esteem also takes a dive around that age. I think the most important thing is bolstering that, because the lower a girl’s self esteem is, the greater the likelihood that she will settle for a male of low value.

cubiecube · 2019-12-09T20:53:41+00:00

not a mother, but i have some thoughts anyway.

moms tend to be “uncool” so you would have to be supportive and empowering to avoid seeming preachy. tell her she’s wonderful and smart and worthwhile and kind and deserving of great things. be proud of her. help her build up the confidence FDS is based on.
teens rebel. it’s what they do. you might have to accept the fact that most teens will experiment, and that’s okay because they will learn from that! a boyfriend that parents disapprove of is novel and exciting, so try to never criticise her date until they break up. tell her you trust her judgement and you want her to be happy.
SAFE SEX SAFE SEX SAFE SEX. be as open and honest as you can. make protection easily available to her. experimenting shouldn’t have long-term consequences.
think about the media and stories in her life. look for stories about women putting themselves first, and talk to her about her opinions of them. (not a perfect example, but all i can think of rn is pride and prejudice. lizzy is strong and decisive when she rejects mr darcy! he has a lot of soul-searching to do, and he doesn’t involve her in it because she isn’t interested! then he becomes someone better and assures her she can still reject his proposal!)
teach her that her value isn’t based on her appearance or the approval of people around her, and especially don’t fret over her appearance more than she does. her skin, hair, weight, shape, body hair, and health are likely to fluctuate through her teen years. helping her to love her body even when society doesn’t approve will give her the tools to nurture herself in the long term and put her own needs first.

this stuff isn’t based on relationships, either sexual or romantic, so i don’t think there is an age limit. an 8 year old could start to understand and internalise these messages! start young and you can be her support and her safety net through the hardest parts <3

husheveryone · 2019-12-09T20:34:08+00:00

I talk to my kids about relating to other people all the time. The first time they saw Frozen when they were little, I labeled Anna’s fake fiancée a “lovebomber.” Elsa told her “You can’t marry a man you just met.” It’s Disney shit and I kind of hate it, but it was also just too good of an opportunity to pass up.

I’ve pointed out to them stories about men who are “pillars of the community” — like surgeons and dentists we know of— who cheat and gaslight, and are on Wife 3.0. And how their wives don’t always have the self-esteem to divorce them and lose the illusion of the rich lifestyle, and if she doesn’t have a good resume and a professional degree to fallback on, she could remain in a bad place if she doesn’t re-train.

I also never talk about “when you get married someday” because I think marriage is a scam for women, and it’s pressuring to expect a child to want to marry. Just find their passions and get the training and education to become self-sustaining because shit happens! I know at least one woman who lost one of the loves of her life to a traumatic brain injury he sustained. Stuff like this is why little ones need to learn to invest in themselves. And maybe get on long-term birth control/IUD to get through the tender years.

2019-12-09T23:37:26+00:00

[deleted]

RoundTwoElectric · 2019-12-10T03:29:18+00:00

Honestly I just think the best thing you can do is teach them to value themselves and to have high self-worth. Sitting kids down and drilling things into them often just doesn’t work; teenagers live to rebel. Just be supportive and try to lift them up so they don’t feel like they have to settle for something when they’re worth more.

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2019-12-10T03:40:30+00:00

From birth. I think the best think you can do is get her used to being treated a certain way, so that anything less than her high standard norm would be NATURALLY offensive and unattractive. She should be used to doing nice things, going nice places, etc. LVM would be a big joke to her.

whoooocarez · 2019-12-10T00:15:47+00:00

I have a daughter, and despite her father and I having divorced, he does have HVM characteristics that I want her to know. Namely, he considers it his responsibility to provide for his spouse and family. He always holds doors, buy flowers, and pay for dates. Seeing this modeled I think will be powerful in terms of what she seeks in her future partners.

HannahIsAHustler · 2019-12-09T20:24:40+00:00

I think whenever she gets her own cell phone would be a good time.

throwawway2091 · 2019-12-09T21:06:22+00:00

How is your daughter? I cant tell if she is in grade school or highschool with the "boys always kiss and tell"

Title	Moms of FDS, how young do you feel is age appropriate to start teaching daughters about FDS?
Author	TheBlackWidow777
Upvotes	28
Comments	19
Date	December 9, 2019 6:36 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e86alx/moms_of_fds_how_young_do_you_feel_is_age/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/moms-of-fds-how-young-do-you-feel-is-age.687237 https://theredarchive.com/post/687237

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