https://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dqvcm1/my_f30_husband_m34_is_having_an_affair_and/

Here's a copy of the post:

"

My (f30) husband (m34) is having an affair, and excuses it by saying “I would never fuck you the way I fuck her”.

​

I’ve had suspicions about my husband’s fidelity but I always tried to tell myself I am being paranoid. But it was lingering in my mind for a while now. He will leave in the night or early morning, and if I ask where he is going he’ll tell me things like “mind your business” or “go back to sleep”. I didn’t want to be a jealous insecure woman and that’s what he made me felt like if I said anything.

But Thursday, his card statements came in the mail and I just decided to look. I thought what’s the harm in just seeing if there’s anything. But there were constant hotel charges, and even ones at a florist and jewelry store. I just didn’t want to lie to myself anymore and I really couldn’t, so I showed it to him when he came home from work. All I did was ask what it was and told him not to lie. He told me “I’ll tell you the truth if that’s what you want”. I nodded and he said he’s been seeing this woman for a little, he told me “it’s just sex, you know it’s different with you you’re my wife”. He told me he doesn’t love her, he only loves me. He said I am more beautiful. I asked him why he wants more than me and he told me “because I would never fuck you the way I fuck her”. I don’t really understand what he means but I am trying to imagine. I don’t know if it was meant to make me feel better, but I started to tear up. I just felt so defeated and all my energy was gone so I walked away from him. And I’ve been very distant since, I’ve been almost silent I’ve only said a few words.

He’s been trying to bribe me like I’m a child. Flowers and gifts. He’s already given me chocolate, wine, perfume, lotion, essential oils, and candles. just stupid things I like. And jewelry he gave me a very nice bracelet and a necklace I’ve been wanting for a while. It’s like it’s Valentine’s Day but we aren’t talking. He’s left them for me but I haven’t touched his gifts other than to see what it is, I don’t want them. He’s at least given me the space that I want, he doesn’t push me to speak to him and he’s not sleeping in our bedroom.

I feel sad but it’s a numb sadness. I am less emotional about it than I thought I would be. I feel more petty emotions than strong hurt or anger right now. What more could he want? I try to be perfect for him I don’t see where I’m lacking. What do his words mean? Is there any hope he’ll stop? I rely on financially, we have a son, and I still love him so it’s hard for me to imagine leaving. But should I? I just can’t think with any clarity on my own, my judgement is clouded. What do I need to do now?

​

"