So I'm in my mid-late twenties F and doing well for myself. My life is very fulfilling (career, hobbies, education, family etc). I'm engaged and I'm in love with my fiance. Actually I just dropped him off to an Urgent care because he might have broken his arm doing a sport we share together and I'm really worried about him. So I'm kinda using this post to distract myself from that. Maybe I can get some enlightenment hopefully on my issue.

Anyway, before I ever met him I watched porn every day and masturbated. When I met him, our sex was exciting and I stopped for awhile but now it's ramped back up. The quality of our sex hasn't changed but I'm becoming more and more numb to it and reverted back to porn. It's not a substitute for me since I still want him so deeply. I just also want porn.

Here's the problem, I watch unrealistic porn and it's definitely affecting my sex drive for my fiance. He's aware of this issue and we communicate openly and often. He's a HVM, I'm sure of it. He's been my partner for every step of the way, never judgemental but also not encouraging my porn consumption. He doesn't watch porn or even masturbate. All of his sexual input and output comes from me. I feel like I'm letting him down by not reciprocating that respect. But I'm just struggling to not watch porn.

Porn has always been a part of my life. I started when I was 9 years old and had a very early puberty. I had the sex drive of an 18 year old at 10 and I feel like that led me down a path of destruction in my relationships. I really don't want to repeat those mistakes I made as a teenager.

Help. Please. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for exactly. I will respond to your questions if you choose to help me dig and grow. Thank you!