After lurking on some earlier posts, I wanted to bring this up. For a lot of us living in fast-paced urban spaces, the opposite is true in that men often expect some experience and see it as a good thing. Being less experienced in this sort of setting can be a royal pain in the ass because of the constant explaining it seems to require.

I take sex seriously and don’t have much experience with it because, to be honest, I’m not hip to the idea of risking 1% chance of pregnancy with just anyone. I haven’t dated much because I’ve focused on getting my life together and as a result, never got to the point where I had to have the “talk” with a guy. The talk in which I express this is a serious thing, I need a commitment, let’s get tested together, etc.

I’m very sex positive but I don’t want the conversation to be a buzzkill or be misinterpreted as me having shame or hangups around it. The fact that I’m also religious doesn’t help and in the minds of religious and non-religious alike, sex positivity in a religious person can evoke a “404, ERROR. DOES NOT COMPUTE.” It’s a seeming contradiction, even though philosophically I can reconcile premarital sex and my faith perfectly well.

Has anyone had success in keeping them interested? Around me it’s common for people to hook up on the third-fifth date. My ballpark timeframe is more like 6 months of knowing someone well + commitment.

Advice or ways to communicate these values without being a buzzkill or giving an impression you’re not fun? In essence, how do you reassure them that they’ll get some?

DISCLAIMER: If your values are different from mine, there is no need to downvote or get angry. My question comes from a strategy standpoint alone, and I am not in any way implying that it’s all women have to offer or that anyone violate their own boundaries. Please God no. I love boundaries, in case y’all didn’t read carefully enough. Women in faster-lane cities, social circles and areas who espouse more traditional values will likely relate to my first world problems more.

No need for hatred or rudeness, please and thank you, let’s keep this positive ♡ ♡