What do partners do in a relationship?

Salt_Satisfaction · 2020-06-20T18:26:01+00:00

Well judging by what seem like healthy relationships and men in my family, being generous is definitely a sign.

I'm not saying being generous with money exclusively, these men give the last peace of chocolate to their partner, if there is only one blanket, he gives it to her. If she says she wants a certain treat but she says it will be too much of a hassle and it's not worth it, he says "no problem" and goes at 10pm to the supermarket to get her what she wants. If he knows she's going to leave work at 9pm and would have to spend an hour in public transport to get back home, he tells her he'll driver her to her house.

Another thing I noticed is that when she makes a mistake, they might get mad at the beginning but eventually they try to reach a solution with her. Lots of men would say "your mistake, your problem". Obviously we're talking about actual mistakes, not cheating or losing the house gambling lol.

Sage_Planter · 2020-06-20T16:20:23+00:00

I'm older than the average FDS'er (early thirties), and there's no right or wrong answer to your question. A big part of dating is figuring out what you need and what you want from a partner. Everyone has a unique definition of what partnership means to them.

The key is finding someone who is on the same page about what it means to be a partner. Sometimes it's natural, and other times, there has to be conversations about wants, needs, and expectations.

In hindsight, one of the biggest pain points in my last relationship was that we simply had different definitions for partnership, and all the fighting and tears in the world couldn't get us on the same page. Looking back, he was a NVM, and therefore he had a NVM expectations (especially when it came to what he provided). For example, when we lived together, I expected him to keep me informed of when he'd be home when he went out late. It wasn't a huge ask, but it was extremely frustrating when he couldn't even do the courtesy of "we're still at YZ bar, be home by 11:30."

FDStrategist · 2020-06-20T19:15:34+00:00

I’ve recently realised the same thing, I have no great examples of healthy relationships that I’ve been part of or exposed to in my life.

Mine have all been car crashes one way or another.

My parents divorced when I was young, one of them has a new partner and that is not a healthy looking relationship.

I’ve been thinking of friend’s and ex boyfriend’s parents but none of them seemed ideal. I would often think to myself “they’d be much better off apart”

Then thinking about what we see on tv and in movies, barely any good examples!

I’m really interested to see other answers. Even without great examples of healthy relationships, I’ve thought a lot about what’s important to me, I want a relationship where we build each other up and inspire each other. Where we have similar communication styles. Where he pays attention to what I say and do. Someone I can laugh with. And really specifically someone who doesn’t make me feel embarrassed.

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-06-20T20:24:52+00:00

The best ones usually have a project. Whether it is kids, a house project, or a business that keeps the two collaborating and working towards a common goal.

Sometimes it is like roommates and sometimes it’s like being best friends. It’s walking through life together. With the tug and pull of the intricacies of life, at the end of the day it is just being around each other. A long trip a year, a date once or twice a month, and a couple gifts here and there sprinkled on non-holidays.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-06-22T18:04:07+00:00

Have fun, tell each other about their days, play for the future, work towards mutual goals. In my relationships that I felt were mature, we did a lot of talking. About life, goals, politics, events, friends, family, random thoughts. Just support from anything from "work is stressful" to "I wonder how many snails I've accidentally stepped on"

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