Yesterday I got into a fight with a male friend.

It started off with him proposing that I pay for something (red flag), so we could share it. There was an illegitimate way to get this thing for a two for one deal, so I'd technically lose nothing and get it delivered to me for free, meanwhile, he would pay for nothing but he would be the one to drive several cities away for the pick up.

But, I still didn't feel right being the only one to spend money. I didn't tell him that. I straight up said I wasn't interested in what he was offering. He pressed and asked why. I told him I didn't think it was good that he was trying to scam the seller into a two for one deal; we could do it, but the seller can barely afford things with Covid and the business is in danger of closing to begin with, so, if we wanted things we should just pay for them ourselves.

He threw a hissy fit that I used the word scam. He insisted that he had never tried to scam me or any individual and "How could you think so little of me?"

Later he asked me a seemingly random question - do I feel like I'm on too many group chats (we share a hobby that requires a lot of coordinating with other people, so we have an absurd amount of discord and WhatsApp chats, and that's just for one hobby... It's actually so many that it takes 2-3GB a month on WhatsApp alone).

I answered yeah sometimes.

Then he goes into this speech:

"Yeah I thought so. It shows. You're very abrupt in your responses with me and sometimes you forget stuff blah blah blah. You're probably too distracted by other chats. And that's why you misunderstood what I was doing as a scam and you probably wish you could take it back."

So I called him out on it. It wasn't a question out of curiosity. It was a veiled attempt to criticize how I texted him and how he needed more attention. Too bad, my chats are none of his business. I said I wasn't sorry for calling him a scammer.

Then. THEN LADIES. THE FUCKING AUDACITY.

He quoted a text I sent him, word for word. What was this text?

See, earlier this month, he said something hurtful to me. Against my better judgement, and at the advice of friends who encouraged me to forgive and forget, I tried to look past this hurtful thing he said. However, prior to that, I tried to express to him how this hurtful thing made me feel. And, he just made excuses. So I responded with "I expected that I would tell you how I felt and that you would listen and understand. I didn't expect explanations and attempts to invalidate how I felt". We didn't talk for several weeks.

So in response to me saying that I wasn't sorry I called him a scammer and that my chats were none of his business, he said:

"I expected that I would tell you how I felt and that you would listen and understand. I didn't expect explanations and attempts to invalidate how I felt".

With quotation marks at all.

He immediately apologized.

So, in principle with FDS:

  • I didn't paragraph

  • I didn't explain what he did wrong.

  • I blocked and deleted

  • This one took the most amount of restraint: I didn't call him cheap, even though he deserved it. If I had called him cheap, then he would have known that he needed to hide the fact that he was being cheap from other women. Instead, I refuse to fix him. I refuse to put effort into making him seem better to other women. Instead, he can make that mistake himself and hopefully it allows other women to see through him a bit more easily.

Also I'm like 1000% done with men as friends. Too much drama. So much circles back down to what they can get out of you.

Relationships with other women are harder - check out my post history for more on that - but they're more worth it. I'm done with men as friends.