TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Rebirthed_Queen Archive

View 7 posts and 356 comments by Rebirthed_Queen on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
147

Secrets hold power. You can talk to school officials, a therapist, school counselors, lawyers, the school HR department, and other students (who are probably also being targeted or harassed by him). After reading this, I ended up calling a few trusted friends, and together we made a group chat of other trusted girls from the mentorship program and let them know. We made a video call and were able to identify several red flags (many documented) and to express our general horror/frustration. It wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:57 AM
15

I really appreciate the support, everyone. I'm so sorry to hear about the situations so many of the women here have had to face. Hearing your experiences and advice has made me feel less isolated and more empowered to take action, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:53 AM
14

Definitely understand your point. This mentor (and a few others I know of) encouraged texting with all us mentees, so it didn't seem out of the ordinary. I'll keep this in mind for the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:50 AM
187

Screenshotting now. I appreciate the advice. I sent a brief question in reply asking when this started and he's said basically the start of the semester, which is unnerving considering the amount of times we've met since then. I've screenshotted that, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 11:57 PM
146

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I'm glad you were able to blacklist him and his company. I hadn't thought of that--The idea that I'm likely not the first is so disconcerting. Thankfully he is NOT going to be grading me (he's not a professor or instructor) because it was more of an academic mentorship. Now that the semester is coming to a close, I can theoretically avoid him unless he escalates somehow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 11:52 PM
16

Wonderfully stated. It’s such an interesting dynamic and one i run into time and again. They consider themselves humble and the protagonist and have these ideas of themselves as do gooders restoring order, but it’s actually incredibly judgmental and self important/ self aggrandizing behavior. What entitles you to make the final judgment on who’s a good person and who isn’t.? Why would you presume to even think you know anyone fully based off facial expressions or 5 minutes of seeing them to make…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 06:57 PM
31

Welcome, queen. I was in a similar situation about a year ago; glad we're both here now. The FDS booklist is a wonderful resource for rebuilding your sense of worth and spotting poor behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 06:46 PM
2

I like this idea--questioning like this seems a natural way to lead up to an honest conversation. Thanks, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 08:00 PM
1

Thank you, queen. I appreciate the way you've phrased it here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:55 PM
1

I aspire for this energy. 🎉🎉🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:53 PM
2

One of the reasons I finally caught on to his behavior was that he'd act completely different in 'public' with his male friends then with me and my female friends. I don't think his male friends would ever believe how he interacted with me; my girlfriends, who did call out some of his red flags early, were still surprised and horrified to hear about it. I hope the next girl he latches on to will realize it more quickly. Best wishes, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:52 PM
2

You know, I hadn't thought of it like that! It has been months, and I certainly haven't been discussing him up to my friends--him still gossiping about it to mutuals is creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:48 PM
3

I definitely agree; protecting other women is much more important. I appreciate the point you've made about HV people refraining from pressing the issue. Best wishes, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:45 PM
3

Thanks, queen. You're right; my actions have made it clear already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:42 PM
10

I've pasted an old comment below if you're interested in the particular flavor of this LVM. He never seemed to see me as an actual individual person. He would project an image onto me and would not understand when I diverged from his idealization. An extreme example: Early on he approached me in our friendship and stated that he was not interested in dating. I reciprocated the sentiment and explicitly told him in person and in a written text when he brought it up again that I am not interested i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 10:12 PM
12

I try to ignore as much as possible, or pretend I don't understand. I'd recommend the Gift of Fear (from FDS Book List) and self-defense classes to help, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 09:36 PM
161

Growing up, I always thought my mother was overly dramatic or emotional and that my father was the 'reasonable' parent. It was until finding FDS that I started to see how he would constantly undermine her authority, belittle her contributions, and disrespect her which then rubbed off on me and my siblings. Because he'd only act that way some of the time and be loving and appreciative at others, I thought it was completely normal all this time. Sad, huh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 08:53 PM
6

I love their drawing style and message. It's not your job to fix anyone or set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - despite what society may have taught us as women. You can have the best intentions and go to the ends of the earth to "save" or "fix" or help someone, but in the end you'll be left exhausted and unfulfilled. People only change when they are willing to work on themselves. The societal conditioning of women as saviors is detrimental to both men and women: women because our ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 05:20 PM
8

wait what The woman made a soup or something similar in that electric slow cooker (you can even see the cord hanging down). Instead of her husband scooping out the leftovers, storing them in containers, and cleaning the pot as a functioning adult would when given this task, he placed the entire slow cooker in the fridge. When a person purposely does a poor job of a task to discourage being asked to perform it in the future, the term for their behavior is strategic incompetence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 05:07 PM
10

The flowers look lovely. Best wishes to you this Valentine's day, queen. ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 04:59 PM
9

Preach. This one LVM in uni would send me (completely out of the blue) pictures of him trying on clothing in the store and ask for my advice.... even my naïve self at the time knew that was inappropriate. You aren't entitled to my time and energy helping you dress just because I'm a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 04:57 PM
122

Indeed. Studies demonstrate that, even when controlling for the age of their partners (since older men tend to have older female partners), increasing male age is associated with male fertility decline, defined as increased time to pregnancy and decreased pregnancy rates. In one study of over 8,000 pregnancies, conception in one year was 30% less likely for men over age 40 compared with men under age 30. In another survey of 1,976 women, an even stronger age effect was found: researchers reporte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 04:44 PM
2

Thank you, queen. I especially appreciate the lovely quote you've shared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 04:36 PM
1

Thank you, this is truly inspiring to hear. I'll try redirecting it into creativity and seeking out more truth, as you've said. Wishing you the best, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 04:34 PM
43

Same reaction here, queen. Makes it seem like he has a body bag at the ready
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:46 AM
14

Of course the media, which is owned by and directed by a majority of men, encourages selflessness and free emotional labor from women: they already feel entitled to your time and energy and write female characters with that image in mind. Your mindset is completely healthy. Giving without receiving appreciation or friendship will eventually exhaust you. Society doesn't expect the same overflowing generosity of time and resources from men, and thus men don't expect it from other men. You keep goi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:39 AM
4

I'll try that, thank you. There's a massive population of cool girls in my university (me this time last year included), but I'll keep my eye out for other frustrated girls. Best wishes, queen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:26 AM
12

Thanks, queen. I'm trying to hold onto it as natural reaction to unjust treatment rather than letting it fester or holding it down. I'm "cold" by nature and very slow to anger, so it's been an uneasy shift. Props to you for calling out their bad behavior 🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:23 AM
19

There is a Feminist Collective on campus that I was initially excited to see... until I went to their social media page. They said to address the claim that "feminists hate men" that "there is no reason for women to hate men" and that "toxic masculinity doesn't exist". Ruled that one out. There is the Women's Center that the collective is housed in, but it seems to share the same views as well as being pro "sex work". I appreciate your encouragement; I think I might have to make a radfem group m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:19 AM
22

Your presence is a gift in itself, queen. For something special, a handwritten card is more than enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:00 PM
16

These are insightful, queen. In regard to your point about safety: as a young college student preFDS, a NVM I met at an academic event invited me to go to his [club activity place]. When I asked where it was, he said he would have a friend drive us there. No location details, no information about the friend. I had just met the NVM that day. When I declined, he made a fuss about how I was being unreasonably nervous and repeatedly brought the matter up despite "respecting my decision". A definite …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 09:44 PM
5

Reading that raised my blood pressure. I hope you're in a better place now, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 09:31 PM
51

Glad he is upfront and honest about his lack of investment. To the bin you go
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 09:24 PM
2

Lovely as ever, queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 05:12 PM
2

I used to feel obligated to respond with a complement of my own (which is how I interact with my female friends), which led to NVM thinking they were entitled to my time and emotional labor. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 05:07 PM
1

That second bullet point is hilarious and completely correct. Wishing you the best, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 08:03 PM
28

This is what led me to FDS: finally realizing that what I thought was depth and complexity in a certain NVM was just a sham. He wasn’t quiet and brooding, but sulky, arrogant, and insecure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 07:56 PM
3

Happy birthday, queen! Best of luck this year!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 07:48 PM
97

My thoughts too, queen. It is a definite green flag when such assertions are backed up with action. If a man is has a pattern of volunteering suggestions or predicting your future relationship without follow-through, that is a LVM future-faking. That manipulation tactic draws you in with false closeness because of the plans and his grand designs for your future despite how miserable he may seem in the present.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 07:42 PM
7

Wonderful work, queen! Wishing you the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 07:38 PM
19

Regarding your last point about the phone conversation, it may deter PUA-types from approaching you, but criminals seek out distracted targets whose attention is elsewhere, ie on the phone or rustling through a bag. I would recommend instead a “mock” phone conversation in which you say whatever comes to mind and keep your attention on your surroundings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 07:28 PM
9

What an ass. I only answer my phone for family and close friends. Acquaintances make plans to call in advance. This LVM is being disrespectful of your time and autonomy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 04:20 PM
13

An issue with incels is a pervasive view of women as inferior or as objects to possess or obtain. It doesn’t seem as if he has advanced in that regard; his celebration here is of becoming able to “get” women, not viewing them as equal and independent human beings. Also...he “studied some pickup techniques and ignored the more problematic sides of that subculture”? The entirety of pick-up artistry is based on “getting” or “picking up” women. This is a LVM, no question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 04:16 PM
3

Thank you for sharing, queen. Wishing you the best 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:29 AM
9

I cut off an NVM this spring that emotionally used me and exploited my friendship after realizing that his actions towards me were unacceptable. In the weeks later, he acted pitifully in public when we happened to pass by each other. I began doubting whether what I had done was right, and ended up searching the internet for guidance. I fell upon FDS and the rest is history.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:17 AM
9

I would send her here to FDS to see if she is willing to change her paradigm. Otherwise, I recommend you evaluate your friendship. The drain pick-me friends can cause on your time and energy is immense because you end up listening to the "talking nonstop" about LVM and helping do their emotional labor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:07 AM
1

Would an in-browser translator work for accessing FDS materials and interacting with this community in particular? Besides that, a few of the recommended books in the FDS Book List may be translated into Mandarin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:02 AM
3

Like a queen 💕 Keep up the good work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:56 AM
3

I also have a quiet nature, queen. Remember that the boundaries that FDS describes do not have to be upheld with raised voices. If someone behaves unacceptably, it can be more powerful to speak briefly and leave their company. Building the strength to uphold yourself will take time and may not feel natural at first, but as it becomes habitual, your comfort will grow. Wishing you the best, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:54 AM
4

Exactly. He isn't listening to you. If he isn't adding to your life, he has no reason to remain there. Read the handbook for more details, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:49 AM
4

The best resolution.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:47 AM
3

Nice work, queen! I hope they join FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:42 AM
9

The pre-date phone or video call is part of the FDS handbook. However, it is not a date substitute nor something that should take much of your valuable time. Many LVM want to talk to you for hours on the phone before meeting, which is a waste of time because 1) you can't properly vet body language over the phone, 2) if he has easy phone access to you there is no impetus for meeting in person, and 3) the longer you spend talking to him, the more you can become emotionally invested. The pre-date c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:41 AM
9

You are welcome here, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:35 AM
5

Exactly. I couldn't understand why he became uncomfortable when I acted a certain way or stood up for myself....turns out it was because I deviated from the image in his head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:28 AM
2

The reality is they don’t care to know you as a person/ more than a prop. Well said. I had never encountered such a thing before coming to college (at least not at a level obvious to me), so learning that this ego-centric, dehumanising behavior is common was a disappointing revelation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:27 AM
2

We're here for you, queen 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 03:23 AM
12

I've observed this with the women I study with.... the disparity between male and female emails is laughable. "What have you done wrong?" is a good question to ask if a female student is being overly apologetic; I want her to realize or begin to realize that her questioning is not a transgression and she has a right to learn in our male-dominated field as much as they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:36 PM
10

"Look, babe! I asked for ideas online to repay the time and energy you devoted to me, look at all of the praise I am receiving for being a good boyfriend ideas that have been posted!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:24 PM
5

NVM had ADHD and it fueled his insecurity. After months doing his emotional labor and assuaging his ego, I gently recommended therapy. He did not like that suggestion. He refused to take ownership of his mental state and said something along the lines of "I don't need a therapist, only solid friends." Couldn't help but notice that he didn't dump his emotional labor on his male friends, but only on myself and other polite and well-meaning young women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:22 PM
6

Sounds like you're killing it, queen. Best wishes to you 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:13 PM
9

Amen! As soon as I cut off a NVM this spring, he latched onto another bright, promising young lady to use for emotional labor and validation. Just before, he made a huge proclamation to me about how he has changed fundamentally as a person. I saw through it then and he confirmed it with his behavior. Block and delete, queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:09 PM
1

Some women feel their best (most confident or leveled up) when engaging in fashionable dress, makeup, and the like. As long as you are pursuing healthy, productive behaviors, what you draw confidence from is your preference and your prerogative. Personally, my self-presentation feels best when I dress sharply even though my clothing is not what is ascribed as feminine by the media (think formal slacks and shirts). I respect that other women wear, enjoy, and draw confidence from other manners of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:30 PM
22

He never seemed to see me as an actual individual person. He would project an image onto me and would not understand when I diverged from his idealization. An extreme example: Early on he approached me in our friendship and stated that he was not interested in dating. I reciprocated the sentiment and explicitly told him in person and in a written text when he brought it up again that I am not interested in dating and did not come to university to do so. As weeks passed, he started acting possess…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:19 PM
48

Sounds lovely, queen. Stay safe and enjoy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 09:09 PM
3

I like this idea, though you're likely correct that it won't deter determined LVM. I'd put a verbose, highly technical title instead of something like in the OP, since men have attacked women for much less.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:49 PM
35

Yes, including the classic "how dare you lead me on by showing me common courtesy".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:45 PM
7

u/FurryBellyButt0n, consider posting this to r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy as well. I've seen legal advice posts there previously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:43 PM
6

Thank you, queen. Best wishes 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:37 PM
21

I understand, queen, but the best thing we can do is explain why that internalized misogyny is wrong in the first place. u/lewv, women are constantly confronted with the idea of makeup, heels, and fashion being feminine and most else being masculine from the mass media, and many when realizing their interests don't lie there consider themselves a "tomboy" or "not like other girls". I did the same. But not enjoying those things doesn't make us unfeminine; we are women. It means the patriarchal po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:32 PM
60

Wait a minute there, queen. FDS isn't about making yourself more appealing to men. I recommend reviewing the handbook. I'm similar in that I don't wear makeup or much elaborate clothing, so I understand what you're saying here to an extent, but that doesn't make you "unfeminine" or "undesirable". A message of FDS, the one the changed my perspective completely about dating, is that male attention and attraction is worthless. My default setting is single, and any HVM that approaches me through car…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:26 PM
2

Nice work, queen. Keep it up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 07:04 PM
5

Yes. A NVM I cut off, after noticing that I was attracting the attention of many other young men, forced into a conversation that some girl had wanted to hook up with him and he had turned her down. He was the type to switch from arrogance (every girl who looks at me must find me attractive, I am better than these other boys) to insecurity (everyone surpasses me) in an instant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 06:56 PM
4

If a man has entered a committed relationship with you, it’s LV to withdraw and betray that relationship to pursue another woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 06:51 PM
13

My university has begun, and a LVM that I was friends with decided to reach out to me about one of our difficult courses. He asked (in veiled terms) to cheat by comparing answers after making a show of how much he appreciates the class. It’s been days and I haven’t replied. I am insulted and disappointed knowing that the LVM in my school are likely all doing this together, and that my friend is just another NVM using the work of female students to pull ahead. I refuse to befriend any more LVM in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:52 AM
22

Breathe, queen. You know it’s a show, you know the truth. Stay strong and cut him out. It’s going to hurt. If it helps, imagine yourself as a tree. This NVM is a festering branch: firmly attached to you and draining your energy and power. For you to continue growing and thriving, the branch must be cut off. Don’t let his infection spread any further into your life, queen. You need to endure this pain to be free of it. Best wishes to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:47 AM
55

Two reminders, besides what the other ladies here have pointed out. 1) Don’t live with a man until you are in a committed, legally binding relationship. 2) Drinking excessively to the point that you cannot recognize your significant other is LV behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:40 AM
53

And.... “Why am I single? I became too much and too good to settle with someone who doesn’t share and show the same.” On the couch, apparently. How impressive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:36 AM
8

So true. For some reason, LVM have been in full force in my first few weeks of university; I’m glad FDS has equipped me to see and block their behavior as it begins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:31 AM
11

Very true, queen. Just because someone is a decent person doesn’t mean they are a good partner. Just because someone is a good partner doesn’t mean they are right for you. Keeping this in mind and vetting constantly is key to having a successful relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:26 AM
3

Are we perhaps the same person? Your first paragraph sums up my current mentality perfectly. I will try what you’ve mentioned here. Thank you, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:23 AM
6

It's vile. Then LVM and NVM push their emotional labor on to women while simultaneously viewing us as tools for their use. I agree that p0rn is a driving cause. The NVM I cut off likely had a covert addiction. When I recommended therapy, he reacted violently and said he only needed "solid friends". I noticed that he only expected emotional work from his female friends, myself included, and never from his good male "buddies".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:06 PM
7

I recommend joining clubs that interest you. Spending more time around people with similar interests naturally opens avenues for friendship. Programs for women especially are helpful; I have dear friends that I met over a week-long retreat for women pursuing STEM. Of course, these activities have been complicated by CoVID. I would focus on self-development for now and investigating opportunities for when things open up (ex. applying for a development program or experience for driven young women)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:02 PM
11

It seems he's testing you to see your reaction. If you let it slide, he can get away with shirking greater responsibilities later on. He sounds like a NVM, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:56 PM
2

I have a parent like this. I still don't know how to handle it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:40 PM
5

Yes...where did this revelation come from? How was he graced with such self-awareness?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:39 PM
119

It is crucial to delineate in our minds the difference between "being a decent person" and "being a good partner". It becomes more difficult to recognize good behaviour as what it is, the bare minimum, when so many fail to meet that mark. Please, queens, stay alert when you encounter a good person; don't become enamored by actions that truly are the basics of right conduct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:20 PM
45

Yes. LVM and even LVW friends will siphon your energy for themselves, allowing you to invest in them without returning the favor. The marks of good HVW friends and of a HVM are that they add to your life. They don't feel a "drain" because they give something to you in return. Don't bother cultivating relationships that are unequal or based on your giving and their taking, because as you said, it's not worth the extra time and energy. I've been avoiding all LVM recently to prevent sliding back in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:09 PM
78

How shameless do you have to be to try this? He is a gold-digger. As soon as he said "what if you die tomorrow" and he "won't have a dollar of it", he revealed that his primary interest is in this woman's money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:03 PM
7

That was my first reaction as well. Why did you have to check their paternity? What possible reason is there other than you doubting your wife or perhaps the hospital?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:17 PM
7

It’s prideful to the point of delusion. The NVM I cut off last spring towards the end started bringing up another girl he was interested in to see my reactions. He was from the beginning comparing us to see who was “more worthy”...I hope that other girl sees through him, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:14 PM
11

An insightful post, queen. I’ve observed a similar dress/effort trend with LVM among my university peers; unfortunately in this population I lack many HVM counterexamples. Wishing you the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:50 PM
11

Ex-fiancé, I hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:41 PM
4

Best of luck, queen. Let us know how it goes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:38 PM
23

I’ve had LVM send me photos of them trying on clothing in stores for my “input”. It’s not my responsibility to teach you how to dress in a way that flatters you. Someone who cares about self-improvement will make the effort to learn themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:05 PM
57

He couldn’t carry too many items while holding all of that audacity. I’m glad you’re safe, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:00 PM
54

Agreed. There was a post recently about “physically rejecting” NVM and it rings true. If you don’t feel your best emotionally or physically with him in your life, it’s time for him to leave it. | On a related note concerning health and manipulation, the NVM I cut off this spring figured out early on that one of the ways I care for my friends is to bring them soup and supplies when they feel unwell (as a good friend should, I think). He started pointing out to me that I looked “unwell” or “seemed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:43 PM
24

Queen. Cut him off. You need to cut him out of your life and your mind. Block him everywhere so you don’t see these posts, and block him from having access to you and your information. There’s a reason why you left him—he’s a NVM. Those toxic traits he revealed when he was with you are still there, and his current and future partners will be enduring his unacceptable behavior. In general, the more a relationship is displayed on social media, the more disingenuous it becomes; it seems an attempt …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:32 PM
3

She’s turned her anger towards this other woman rather than her sister’s cheating spouse.... a reflection of how deeply patriarchally-favored perspectives are ingrained in women from an early age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:26 PM
11

Do you have an HR you can report him to for this sexual harassment? He's so far out of line, I think he's established a new coordinate system.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 03:54 PM
12

Oh my. Reminds me of a NVM who kept bringing up his “dark secret” that he couldn’t disclose because “I would hate him”. You best believe that he did not like my indifferent “okay” responses to his obvious BS. He continued to bring it up over several months, and when I would continue refraining from engagement, he would apologize for “ruining my day” and “scarring me” in the most dramatic way possible. As if his personal one-man-show affected but himself. (My conclusion then and now from the way …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:34 PM
30

Why would you consider a dinner and movie extravagant if you truly valued the other person’s time and wanted to share it with her? Oh, that’s right. He doesn’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:21 PM
36

Go home, NVM, your racism and misogyny is showing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:17 PM
20

How else can he find that one woman who “is not like other girls”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 04:20 PM
29

Nothing against the profession itself. There’s a trend of LVM among doctors and lawyers where they think because of their respectable position and high salary that they are entitled to the time and energy of HVW. There are HVM doctors and lawyers, but too many are LV or NV because of this attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 04:06 PM
15

Listen to this, queen. If he doesn’t confirm with a clear date, time, and meeting point, then you are free to make other plans. If he then reaches out (say, an hour beforehand or the day afterward) asking about it, you can tell him that you made other plans since you hadn’t heard from him. Block and delete anyone who doesn’t respect your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 03:50 PM
12

Queen, take some time for yourself to heal and focus on investing your energy and resources into yourself instead of a partner. Make sure to block him on all platforms you can think of to cut him from your life entirely. Don’t let him come back in, and resist the urge to “see how he’s doing” on social media or online. Read over the handbook in your spare time; there are codependency resources in the FDS book list. You’re right: don’t think about men or dating at all right now. We’re here for you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 03:44 PM
5

This is vile. I hope she cuts him out of her life entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 06:01 PM
63

Such a queen. Stay strong these next few weeks and don’t let him worm his way back into your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 06:00 PM
3

Same here, queen. You taking online classes? I’m in STEM, where the LVM population is astronomical, perhaps due to the gender disparity. In my first year alone I suffered the company of several NVM because I thought I had to be polite and engaging no matter how they treated me to be a good friend. These relationships were obviously one-sided as I would build them up (as I do my true female friends) and receive nothing in return. It’s a blessing, though, that I had this experience myself; after I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:19 PM
7

Taking oneself lightly is fine, but I’ve found that NVM will make these jokes so that you rush in to appease his ego. Don’t fall for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:09 PM
9

The religious NVM I was involved with last year consistently used religion as an excuse for poor behavior and also for negging. We were always only friends, but despite this he told me that he “fell in love at first sight” but had to ensure I was “religious enough” to be his partner, as the Bible warns against being “unequally yoked.” He projected an idealized image onto me and dumped his emotional baggage, which I allowed, thinking that I was being a considerate friend. I eventually realized th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:56 PM
7

Thank you for sharing, queen. Where could I go to learn more about this? If you have a book or articles you’d recommend, I’d love to pursue them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:44 PM
6

Beautiful! The black background brings the colours out nicely. Thank you for the welcome reminder, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:41 PM
23

THE GRASS—you’ve made my day, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:38 PM
2

Nicely put. We were born alone and we will die alone; what will you do if you can’t stand your own company during the time in between?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:18 AM
1

I understand, queen. But no matter how he seems, it simply isn’t safe. Think about it: you’ve likely experienced or heard about NVM who seem completely trustworthy and doting to their partner becoming violent and revengeful after breaking up. It’s not difficult to act kind or respectful. A true HVM or HV person in general would never ask you to send nude pictures of yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:15 AM
5

Lovely as always, queen. You have such talent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:11 AM
23

“I don’t want to control you”....followed by paragraphs of possessive, manipulative, and controlling behavior. This is a full NVM, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 10:18 PM
7

Ah. My heart hurts. I’ve thought this was normal for such a long time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 07:44 PM
2

Let’s crush it together, queen! Good luck ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 07:33 PM
1

It depends. There’s an odd combination of “confident, egotistical” and “meek, socially uncomfortable” traits in the male students I’ve met thus far. There’s some condescension at times, but I’ve found maintaining poise to be a deterrent. The worst is when male students try to flirt and keep your attention by over-explaining concepts to you...when you are in class trying to listen to an instructor. It’s disrespectful to the teacher they are talking over and to us. I hope online will abate this fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 07:33 PM
3

This is a good question. I stopped using read receipts and notifications before college because I would check my messages at scheduled times each day. However, last year a NVM I was involved with early on made a comment about it along the lines of “aw, I won’t be able to tell if you read my messages and call you out for ignoring me.” It’s a control move. I wouldn’t call the presence or absence of receipts themselves a red flag, but any hint of a manipulative attitude in conjunction should be a b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 07:25 PM
31

Queen. Don’t do this. You’re comprising your time, energy, and possibly your image by interacting with this LVM. Asking for nude photos is disrespectful and his desire is not a compliment. If you are bored, channel your time to new hobbies or skills, not LVM. I know you said the program notifies you of screenshots, but there are ways of going around screen tracking. Stay safe and cut him off, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 03:42 PM
7

It’s too ego bruising for them to consider that a woman may not be attracted to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 03:33 PM
3

That sounds incredible! How do you like it so far? It’s unfortunate about the overwhelming male predominance. I usually enjoy working with female students more; the stereotypical male engineering student does the bare minimum and pushes work onto a reliable project member. The “good” male engineering students dislike this behavior, but they usually don’t have to earn the respect of such students, having it by nature of being another male, so the attitude doesn’t change. Wish you the best with yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 03:29 PM
8

Exactly this. I remember a good friend of mine told me this (after I had guilt about cutting off a NVM): “Why mourn him? You know that it’s him who lost an incredible friend.” I lost a parasite. OP, block his social media everywhere. Don’t give yourself access to him, nor him you. Keep pushing him out of your mind by redirecting your energy to something productive, such as a good book or new skill. The future is yours, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 03:11 PM
3

That’s true. I suppose as long as I take action when that happens, giving the benefit of the doubt initially is courteous. Thank you, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:56 PM
5

It’s a combination of biochemistry and engineering. How about you, queen?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:53 PM
3

Thank you, queen. I’m studying for a STEM major—think biochemistry and engineering combined into one. I love it, and it’s challenging. The only drawback is the huge majority of male students. In one main engineering course, I am one of three girls with over a hundred boys. These classes make the gender disparity in STEM glaringly clear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:52 PM
4

The queens in this thread have called out the possible love-bombing here thoroughly, so I will add this: a NVM who latched onto me last year said things like this to me constantly. I was always “beautiful, a genius, so much more mature” and such. He put me on a pedestal of sorts and would force me into his mold. After all of the months we spent as “friends”, he didn’t know me because he couldn’t see past his own projections. “That’s admirable.” Stay admiring, at a safe distance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 11:05 PM
8

I still struggle with finding the balance between being understanding and forgiving of the difficulties others face and putting my foot down. For example, since joining FDS, I’ve reflected on several “friendships” in which I let disrespect slide to be polite, excusing it for poor social skill. Not anymore. But where I struggle still is with grey areas such as when a group project partner doesn’t check in regularly. I give the benefit of the doubt automatically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:57 PM
50

We know better now. That revulsion is a sign of our growth. Let’s keep leveling up, queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:31 PM
35

He should have “gotten off the online dating” when he was in a relationship with his ex. You can practically see his ego bruising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:24 PM
33

Queen. This LVM shouldn’t register in your existence. If you want to stay friends on social media, at least restrict him from viewing your posts and seeing his. Your time is much too valuable to waste on his activity. He sounds like an insecure ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:22 PM
29

Didn’t you know? Cheating is part of the natural ups and downs of a relationship. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:20 PM
71

Thirteen years. And he says that with a child, he will automatically stop? This is definitely a NVM taking no responsibility for his actions and emotional state, instead pushing them onto her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:18 PM
16

It’s only a matter of time til he shows his true colours. It is always telling to see how a man treats those under him, such as waitstaff or employees. Your intuition is right and this isn’t a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:11 PM
25

My university’s online classes start soon. Looking forward to mastering new material. Hope the queens here are doing well ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:09 PM
4

Exactly. Personally, I think the “dating until marriage” is a wonderful strategy. He knows you are not “his” until he makes the demonstrated commitment of courtship and marriage proposal. Never settle for exclusivity instead of a named relationship, because it benefits him to your detriment. He gets to mate-guard you, preventing others from dating you, and your options are limited.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 08:23 PM
3

What a queenly ending. Now on to greater things, sister.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 08:18 PM
16

It’s convincing themselves as much as you that this is normal. Glad FDS calls this behavior for what it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:11 PM
22

Read the handbook, queen. Don’t let the treatment of others affect your perception of your self worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:09 PM
23

If he truly meant a word of that or had any self-reflection at all, he would realize you aren’t interested in speaking. I hope his LinkedIn is blocked now, too, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:07 PM
4

Congratulations, queen. Glad you found out and had the strength to cut him off. Wish you the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:06 PM
3

Another lovely piece! Wish you the best, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:54 PM
8

That’s why we call you a queen ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:51 PM
3

Same here, queen. Luckily we have FDS to set us straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:46 PM
7

Ugh, glad he's an ex. Wish you the best, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:48 AM
20

The first thing that made me a bit wary was he asked me out on a date but when I said I go to university about a two hour drive from where he lives he said he was fine with coming up. I asked why because it's a lot of effort and he said, "Oh you just seem like an amazing girl and there aren't that many out there." This was a red flag for me because during my pickme phase I always got told I wasn't like the other girls and all that BS but I'd get screwed over anyway (shoutout to FDS for making me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:46 AM
39

Congratulations, queen. You are welcome here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:40 AM
27

Ideally, he will be proposing plans to meet again toward the end of your date. If he doesn't contact you at least the next day to follow up, I would consider him uninterested. A quick "I enjoyed our date, I'd like to meet again next week, [proposition]" text doesn't require much effort on his side. Block and delete this LVM, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:38 AM
12

As far as I can tell... I can't imagine people seriously thinking this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:35 AM
1

On this topic, what are some examples that showcase healthy relationships? All too often the women are portrayed as vulnerable or pick-me while some male love interests have no dearth of red flags. Editing to add: Any with strong female characters are welcome! I'm curious for some recommendations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:48 AM
36

This is a good tactic when dealing with LVM in all spheres of life. Knowing someone will look for you if you go missing (God forbid it) is a deterrent to some opportunistic crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:44 AM
47

It took a while to comprehend what on earth this LVM was trying to express. He actually believes that her figure in the first picture is because the "love of her husband" didn't motivate her to train her body? Seriously? Even in that case, the only "hate" would be toward her ex husband. It doesn't make any sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:42 AM
3

Exactly! You are very welcome, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:36 AM
6

I think it's denial + delusion combined. Height is so associated with some men's identities and confidence that they refuse to acknowledge reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:34 AM
8

Good work, queen. Your time is much too valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:31 AM
11

Queen, my best advice here is to fill your life with other things. Distract yourself by enriching yourself. Why are you craving his attention? What's missing from your life? Seek it out and build yourself up. You know better; block and delete anyone unworthy of your precious time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:30 AM
1

Welcome, queen! Use the link in the sidebar to join, then proceed with the verification steps outlined in the channel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:28 AM
12

I'm curious as well. Usually I look at public records, but more detailed sites would be useful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:57 PM
23

Thank you for this comprehensive post, queen. This idea is what brought me to FDS in the first place. Even though I was strictly focused on my studies, I allowed LVM and NVM to come into my life under their guise of friendship, not knowing any better. Now thanks to the women here I can truly focus on rewarding friendships and cut off parasitic LVM at the first flags. Some additions to the "logic" portion from my recent experience: She compliments me or my appearance, and thus must be madly in lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:54 PM
1

Done, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:37 PM
8

I received an email today saying I was sent a code in the last 30 days and haven’t yet signed up for the website. The thing is—I haven’t received a code at all! Was this a glitch?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 09:42 PM
22

This embroidery is lovely! Beautifully done, queen. These are valuable reminders.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:18 PM
5

I understand! But remember, there is still a gap—this man has had 20 more years “to be himself” and experience his life. It’s best to keep a critical eye of anyone who looks to date someone significantly (such as two DECADES) younger rather than a woman at the same stage of her lifetime. There may not be a difference in maturity, but he is still exploiting a youth he no longer possesses. Wishing you the best, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:09 PM
4

I remember the post you are referencing, and I believe these numbers were given as an example of emotional investment. Our personal cases will vary, but even in marriage, we must be willing to walk away if our boundaries have been violated (such as by cheating or abuse). The 65% symbolizes that even though you are now married, you aren’t dependent on him emotionally, nor is he your full focus. As far as information sharing goes, how much you disclose to him about your previous experiences will v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:04 PM
5

A valid question! Don’t think of this as withholding information entirely. Honesty is a HV trait. But consider that some things don’t need to be shared, sometimes only during the vetting stage, sometimes never. Simply not telling or discussing with your date that you have suffered emotional trauma, medical issues, abuse, or similar hardship is different from lying and misrepresenting yourself. If you find a suitable HVM and become committed partners (such as engaged with a clear wedding timefram…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:45 AM
3

Same here, queen. Isn’t it shocking once you see the disparity in effort? Definitely no more playing therapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:29 AM
2

Never belittle yourself, physically and otherwise! Be glad, queen, that you know better now and that he’s gone from your life. When I think of my prior poor experiences, I like to reflect on how I would be if I were still in that toxic situation without the growth I’ve achieved from being free. Wishing you the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:28 AM
6

Queen, I believe there have been a few posts here and perhaps in the handbook about the dangers and drawbacks of such large age-gap relationships. A sub search could be helpful for more insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:26 AM
4

Withholding information keeps you safe, queen. It takes time and effort to vet a man for HV qualities, and during that time you do not want to give him vulnerabilities he can use against you later on. This is a good tactic for all social relationships: if he reveals his true LVM or NVM nature later on, you want to keep your secrets safe. So don’t divulge too much about your past or relationships. You shouldn’t commit emotionally because he is not the center of your life. It isn’t some dating pla…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:22 AM
9

There are some lovely replies already by the queens here, so I will add this small note: true love is an act of will. Love in the sense of fondness is really affection and is not a stable basis for a relationship in itself, because your emotions change; you won’t always feel that same intensity of affection because of the natural highs and lows of your life. To put it simply, you cannot make yourself feel that gentle affection toward someone 100% of the time. What I understand love to be between…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:16 AM
47

That was an option? Queen, show me the form.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:05 AM
82

Good that they are appalled rather than covering for his behavior. Isn’t this considered sexual harassment?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:05 AM
23

Exactly. Did it even occur to him to look up a picture online before lying to his family about his WIFE?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:01 AM
9

Yes, it may be forgivable in a committed relationship that has had mutual respect firmly established, but to a new date? Never. It is disrespectful of her time and shows a lack of integrity. He could have texted her beforehand that day if he didn’t carve out the designated time to speak with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:57 AM
5

Ma’am, if this is in regard to your other post, your logic was certainly sound in unmatching with him. He obviously was not valuing your time by withholding concrete plans. But warning him of his f-boy impression will help him delude the next woman for longer by teaching him to act differently even if his “f-boy” intent is the same. Rather than expending your valuable energy like that, I agree with a graceful block and delete, dropping him wordlessly like the insignificant LVM he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:55 AM
13

I had the distinct displeasure of experiencing a relationship with someone exhibiting all of these last year, especially 1, 2, and 9. Those three traits I had previously believed were innocuous and forgivable to pride and immaturity (us being university students, but are true red flags that should be noted in dating and friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:01 AM
3

“ I think they want to keep communication to the bare minimum UNTIL they try some bullshit they are called out on, at which point they want to talk until you are so exhausted or confused you just give in to whatever nonsense they’re spouting to defend or justify their shady behavior.” EXACTLY. When I confronted a NVM about violating my boundaries (namely, us only being friends and him trying repeatedly to be intimate despite my obvious discomfort), he drew out the conversation for hours, likely …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:55 AM
12

That’s a powerful quote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:39 PM
7

Do you have a weighted blanket that you’d recommend? I’m thinking of saving for one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:36 PM
17

I was in a similar situation, queen. Glad we’re both moving on. Self-improvement only works when the self in question wants to change. These NVM are energy parasites.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:50 PM
6

Why...why would we marry in the first place...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:52 AM
40

There is nothing inherently low value about cosmetic surgery itself. It becomes a red flag when the person is so insecure about their appearance that they continually have surgical tweaks, never satisfied because of their low self-image. Queen, make sure to read the handbook for the valuable advice there: you cannot deem a man HV at the three month mark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:49 AM
40

Exactly. If you fall for him, then he is better than your ex, which is an ego boost. If you drop him, it’s because you still were attached to your old partner, not because of any of his own faults. Either way he is absolved of responsibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:40 AM
21

They aren't thinking of the woman here, nor the chicken sandwich. These LVM think only of the pleasure and of women as a means to that end. Why would you equally court someone you perceive as an object for your use?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:17 PM
26

...and that's not the rollercoaster you're looking for, queen. Vet always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:14 PM
1

Most definitely, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:08 PM
228

After becoming engaged, this is unacceptable. The disrespect is compounded by advertising it on his social media. But in the dating phase when vetting multiple people, ladies, this is a good tactic. Saving an identifying nickname in your phone creates distance and lessens your attachment to the candidate. It's less intimate and makes ending and blocking easier if they don't meet your standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:36 AM
23

I'm glad you've moved on and are here now, queen. I've been in a similar circumstance for a shorter period of giving and giving to someone who would never reciprocate and blamed me for his personal problems. I wish you the best ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:32 AM
51

How convenient that his favorite view is from his roof. Well done, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:21 AM
10

How is website signup progressing? I've submitted a code request more than once over the past month to no avail. Is there still a large influx of newcomers?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:19 AM
10

Your flair says Apprentice on my screen, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:18 AM
4

That caught my eye, too. "I will physically attack you"? A failed attempt to show off his "skill" and insinuate violent sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:15 AM
2

I disagree with starting the interaction. I think the man should show initiative by supplying a thoughtful and engaging opener for you if he is truly interested. You starting the conversation allows him to flow with your narrative without much personal effort and puts him in the position of the target instead of the one chasing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:13 AM
106

He hasn't been pining over you all this time. He's bored and wanting your energy for support or entertainment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:09 AM
3

Same here, queen. I have strict personal boundaries and dislike being touched by strangers or acquaintances. A certain NVM would pressure me repeatedly to hug him despite my obvious distaste and reservation. I thought something was wrong, but like you said, I simply do not like being treated as an object. LVM are not entitled to my body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:04 AM
2

First ever relationship in secondary school was with an upperclassman who asked me out as his (as I discovered later) fourth LTR rebound. He took me to a movie which was the third or fourth of a series I had never seen before and started touching my hands, legs, and shoulders in the darkened theater. I had absolutely no precedent and moved as far away as possible from him in the seat. He was "disappointed" afterward when I flinched at a sudden forced kiss on the head. I knew his behavior toward …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 12:59 AM
1

Exactly. Some have the audacity to hint at a relationship and still expect your exclusivity, like a certain NVM last year. He suddenly made a proclamation of liking me but not wanting to date, which I reciprocated for our friendship (as in, not wanting to date him). But this NVM texted me constantly, bringing up our "relationship" at least once a week (His words: "Because, u/Rebirthed_Queen, everyone has some relationship with each other") and becoming jealous and possessive whenever I spent tim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 12:54 AM
2

A whole new level of self-absorption. At the time, I thought it was something like a p0rnography addiction and paid him no mind. If it wasn't, I suppose his dramatics backfired 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 10:15 PM
6

Said that, we don't have to be ashamed if someone publishes our nudes. Specially if it is without our permission. Shame on them, not us. Our bodies are beautiful, nothing to be ashamed on a nude. I understand your message, but a future employer may think differently, especially if rabid NVM on the internet have abused it on p0rn0graphic sites or edited your images onto "deep fake" p0rn. If that happens, you can take legal action to remove the content, but it will still exist online and will like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 10:09 PM
30

Sounds like a wonderful doctor. Even if they don't react violently or aggressively to a refusal, needling and guilt-tripping are just as bright red flags, something I learned this year. Hope you are in a better place now, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 10:04 PM
8

I knew the NVM I cut off was emotionally abusive. I knew he wasn't the devout, enlightened person he portrayed himself as. But it took word of mouth after I cut him off for me to hear how ugly his soul was. After leaving him behind, he took to ranting to his friends and strangers that all girls are the same and other misogynistic vitriol. I was in shock when a mutual friend let me know because I didn't think my image of him could become any worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 10:02 PM
6

Very true...including yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:59 PM
13

Lvm only like what they can't have. Definitely, queen. But don't let them have access to your life like that. You can remove him as a follower, prevent him from being able to watch your stories in Settings, or block him entirely. I recommend blocking if he's out of your life. Don't give him access to your pictures and memories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:58 PM
5

It might be difficult to perform anonymously as there are multiple contributors. I also believe the handbook periodically has new key posts added and revised, so a physical copy would lack those updates as the handbook evolves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:53 PM
7

The satisfaction of knowing that the LVM who use it against you are powerless and that you are in the right is different than willingly accepting it as a moniker. Rather than reclaiming a typically derogatory word, using "queen" or other terms typically associated with female power seems better for creating a women-positive climate. It brings me joy seeing that kind of fond usage here between FDS members.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:51 PM
8

Simply a text or call saying "we are not compatible, good luck in the future" should suffice. I usually advise against in-person rejection in case the person becomes violent or physically coercive. Remember, you don't owe this man anything. You're dating to find a partner that adds value to your life, and he isn't the one for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:44 PM
12

This is good advice. As soon as you find an incompatibility, let the person go and continue seeing others. If a man asks for exclusivity or if you are dating others, be honest. Be explicit in that you are seeking (usually) a partner for marriage and that it isn't a decision to be made lightly. Upon hearing that you will not become exclusively his without a ring, your prospective will A) have an insecure fit and refuse to see you further (LVM), B) have an insecure fit and pressure you to commit w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:42 PM
30

NEVER lower yourself for someone else by compromising your own standards and boundaries. That LVM may scream all he wants at the bottom of the platform, but in the end she remains on her level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:56 AM
2

Very true. Still working out how to deal with that; cutting off a LVM seems much easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:52 AM
10

A quote that I see here often says something along the lines of when dating someone unattractive and insecure, they will eventually make you feel ugly. Beautiful girls may be love-bombed longer, but the LVM facade always comes off eventually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:50 AM
6

Exactly what a NVM texted me after my cut-off text. The same message he asked me to detail how exactly he had hurt me. I thought about responding, but realized that anyone with a small amount of self-awareness would realize that his behavior was unacceptable. Blocked now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:47 AM
13

I thought this NVM was quiet because he, like me, had a vibrant inner world and measured his words carefully. No. There was nothing below his surface besides raging arrogance and insecurity. He often hinted at a dark secret that he couldn’t tell me because “I would hate him” (but he could tell me that he told his older LVM mentor, who “surprisingly didn’t judge him”) and at the time since I was accustomed to his antics I gave no reaction. He then would apologize for “ruining my day”, as if I was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:44 AM
10

His comment reeks of insecurity. Loved the happy ending!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:33 AM
11

This is a bit of an odd one: As a baby college student, I was approached by a LVM (who later became a NVM) under the guise of friendship. He was insecure and overbearing, but out of politeness and appreciation for having a new friend, I pushed it aside. A couple of weeks later after constantly messaging me he made a huge proclamation of liking me but not wanting to date because, in his words, “when you date you have two or three dates before you decide whether you like someone(?)”. So since I wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:31 AM
23

A HVM partner will give you gifts that you enjoy personally, whether that be flowers as in this image or a tailored service opportunity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:06 AM
2

Thank you, queen! I've put it on my list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 11:46 PM
24

thank you, queen ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 01:47 AM
4

Sister, I'm around your age and I found this community after being in a relationship with a NVM for half a year. I am using FDS now to build up my knowledge of vetting techniques and for the support of the experienced women here. My best advice for you and myself is to focus our energies on education and self development, and only dating occasionally for experience. Binding ourselves in a long term relationship at this point would do more harm than good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 01:29 AM
2

Time to find a better kitchen. It's so easy to believe the words of someone else, especially when they "believe" them too. The true assessment of their beliefs is their actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 12:59 AM
6

Which author are you referring to for the first text? I found two books by that name, one by John Diamond and the other by Vicky Vlachonis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 12:57 AM
3

A good message. I like the art style!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 12:48 AM
157

You could clothe a small nation with the amount of red flags in his bio alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 12:37 AM
3

I can understand your point here, but I usually advocate for a separation text to prevent physical coercion. A phone call works as well. There are too many cases of slighted NVM injuring or taking the life of a woman leaving their side.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 12:34 AM
6

Need a reminder about male entitlement? Visit r/niceguys. Be amazed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:49 PM
60

Sometimes I wonder if I should keep the line open, "just in case". No. Lock him out. His access is denied.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:48 PM
11

It may be that because they were so naturally attractive, they didn't take serious measures to preserve and protect their skin and such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:46 PM
15

Same. Often thought about being born male, especially in my "not like other girls" phase, but alas. I'm glad to be a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:42 PM
1

Such an important point. A NVM would condescend and "mansplain" to my friends, but I excused it as poor social skill. Not. He knew what he was doing. In addition to disrespecting my friends, he also tried to distance me from his friends when I started getting along with them. He told me broadly his friends hated me and asked me to guess who in particular. Another one excuses for poor social ability. No more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:36 PM
23

Queen, I don't think any true HVM will be dating in at risk areas because of the risk to his health and community. I would look for consistent and engaged communication and would vet with a brief video call. Anything online will not be as revealing as meeting in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:25 PM
9

Replying to add that my old NVM was the most deeply insecure person I have met so far in my life, but also the most arrogant. His insecurity derived from seeing others succeed, and his self-worth came from looking down on others. He was condescending and conceited until confronted with someone or some achievement that he couldn't deny as "greater" than himself. Then he would curl up into a self-hating ball and rely on female "friends" like myself to perform his emotional labor and build him up a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:21 PM
7

Wonderfully stated. Confidence is borne of accurate self-reflection, taking stock of your strengths and appreciating yourself. Arrogance is placing yourself higher than others. Comparison breeds dissatisfaction eventually. Confidence is healthy because it derives from your view of yourself alone instead of in relation to the successes and failures of others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:14 PM
15

You realized, you cut him off. Nice work, queen! Your mindset here is sound.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:07 PM
35

It certainly depends on the financial status of the couple. The ring (or other symbol) should be a significant investment considering the HVM's income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:01 PM
7

Be wary of any man who refers to his ex as crazy. More often than not, he drove her to that point or is unfairly labeling her behaviour. I would not date anyone in the recovery phase until they have been clean for longer than they were addicted. From what you've described, he sounds like a LVM; a HVM doesn't have any LV traits. Nice work upholding your boundaries and standards with your former partner. Wishing you the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:54 PM
2

Seeing clearly is an important first step. The next is leaving this LVM behind so you can move on and grow. Make sure to read the handbook, sister! The resources there are invaluable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:45 PM
2

You can't help it, queen. Think of yourself and your relationships like a tree. This NVM is a festering branch. If you don't cut him off, the infection will spread to the rest of the organism, you. Of course, it will hurt to separate after being together for so long and growing together. But to continue staying healthy and to thrive, he can't stay any longer. Cut him out entirely. Nothing can remain. You can lessen the pain by doing it in a swift cleave: moving somewhere safe, texting briefly th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:37 PM
1

That's...sad. I wish there was a way for them to eventually see the truth. It can't be a fulfilling way to live.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:32 PM
1

This is entirely true. I needed to hear this again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:28 PM
1

I think you've done well encouraging her to stay away from dating right now. She needs to focus on herself, but you can't catalyze her self-development. That effort has to come from within her. The only effective thing you can do to support her in that regard is provide resources for self-development when she seeks them out. Send her here! The support of friends like you and women with strong will might bring her light.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:25 PM
6

Well done with your resolve to leave this LVM. You deserve a partner that appreciates and matches your energy. I wouldn't waste your time and emotional energy sending a letter for him to read, but one for yourself for sorting out your closing feelings. The most he deserves is a brief text with something along the lines of "we are not compatible, good luck," followed by a swift block as you move on. Wish you the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:19 PM
80

Honestly. Same as when LVM send multiple impatient messages and then derogatory ones when you don’t respond quickly enough. Then when you do check your messages and respond to whatever vileness they’ve spewed into your inbox, the LVM says, “Of course you responded to THAT message.” Since nice guys can’t catch a break. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 11:13 PM
83

These situations are frustrating, when your thorough and continuous vetting is overruled by poor behaviour. Count yourself lucky, queen, that he revealed himself now and not six months later. Wish you the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 10:50 PM
65

Exactly. The fact that my skin is showing doesn’t mean you have ownership. Yet men feel so entitled to women’s bodies that they rape us when clothed head to toe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 10:40 PM
14

Is it “the audacity”? Seriously. The poor woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 10:34 PM
27

If possible, I would report the profile. Do NOT contact him, especially if he was abusive. He could act out of spite and post more pictures of you to online outlets to cause you distress. I know it’s frustrating, but he will likely disrespect your request whether you ask politely or rage at this NVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 05:57 PM
2

You are very welcome! Your mindset here is incredibly healthy in refusing to accept whatever he offers passively. I agree that 4 years is far too long for a seriously invested man to wait for formalized commitment. Wishing you the best, queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 05:51 PM
11

Congratulations, sister! On to brighter days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 05:42 PM
9

This is repulsive... yes, her logic is that prostitution keeps men in check, and prostitutes are the necessary sacrifice. But this poster doesn’t believe that the widespread violence and abuse of sex workers exists to that extent, and is hence claiming it isn’t a “sacrifice”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 02:03 AM
32

Promise rings are a way for a LVM to claim a woman without any of the responsibility of contractual obligation. Such rings can easily be ignored or put aside later on because of the lack of commitment required for them. If a HVM wants to be with you for the rest of his life, he will make the time and effort to secure you as his fiancé, even if it means taking on extra jobs to afford an engagement ring. Queen, I would avoid making any such “promises” at this time, especially in medical school. If…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:58 AM
9

“God made our bodies for love” as a reason to be “kinky”? Really? So many conflicting expectations in this profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:51 AM
65

Those STDs must be loyal, too. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:45 AM
37

The phrasing is odd. I think it is a poor attempt to express that LVM see their partners as expendable, easily replaced with other women for sexual relations and such, but women seek deeper connections, which threaten the original LVMs possession of them. So women seeing their partners as equal human beings rather than compartmentalized, replaceable sexual objects to exchange at will. This was poorly written.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:44 AM
39

Vile is right. What brought you two into contact? Next time, don’t waste your precious energy and time trying to argue with such perverted LVM. Block and delete, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:38 AM
31

Glad to hear you are in a better place now. Wish you the best, queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:35 AM
24

He is thinking of this only in terms of financial investment. The gift of the ring is symbolic of his request and the future commitment of partners in marriage. It’s something you give as a representation of something much more precious. How conceited do you have to be to consider it a material transaction? Of course, I have no objection to an engaged woman giving a valuable present to her fiancé later on, but not as any “reciprocation” of a wedding proposal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 01:33 AM
5

Exactly. Maturity would be his own self-reflection and growth after you leave. You owe him nothing. And if you divulge how exactly his behavior was wrong, you aid him in hiding it better with his next date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:16 PM
1

NO. As the other ladies here have said, it is a ruse. Ignore him entirely. Block his number if you haven’t already. It’s up to you whether you want to keep the gifts or send them back; I would keep them if they are delivered in your name rather than creating additional avenues of contact. Do not fall for it. Reaching out to your mother was intended to win her to his side so you give him another chance. It is incredibly manipulative. If he respected you, he would have accepted your refusal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:13 PM
12

Entitlement. This was something I only realized a few months ago after being used by one such NVM. When I invested my time and energy in my other female friends, they never failed to reciprocate in some way; they matched my energy. But these types of LVM see your time and care (and even sometimes your body) and become accustomed as if they were owed to them. It isn’t friendship in this case—it’s parasitism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:08 PM
52

Lack of effort and women putting up with it. My NVM was the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 03:04 PM
21

Imagine NOT being proud of refusing to compromise your boundaries and standards for poor behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 03:01 PM
9

And he didn't have to put any extra energy into providing them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 06:11 PM
10

She isn't even looking at the young woman after pointing her out to the husband! Her eyes are closed! Ugh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:35 AM
4

These attitudes among men are so prevalent...this note could have been believably written by my old NVM friend if he took the time to spell correctly. It is infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:34 AM
3

I was the 4th rebound of a NVM a few years ago for my first ever relationship. During our brief time together, he requested we use pet names within the first few weeks. He made a big deal about the matter, and I spent time coming up with a creative name for him that was customized and sweet. He then said he had decided to call me "honey." It's obvious now that he wanted to pretend I was his ex, but even being completely inexperienced and sheltered at the time, I was hurt by the lack of thought b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:31 AM
1

Ah, yes. The oh so common niceguyTM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:25 AM
10

Yes, they fully embrace it, but it is avoidance of responsibility for their actions. They can pass it off as their sexual inclination instead of owning up to the fact that they feel pleasure when degrading women. As you said, the "kink" is the avoidance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:11 AM
39

If true, I'm so glad that woman left him in the dust. That the (soon to be ex) wife had a large party may imply that she has a reliable support network to lean on as she moves on from him, which is also helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:05 AM
34

Congratulations, queen! Your hard work is paying off. I feel privileged to be learning from the experienced women here too while a young adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:00 AM
50

In the words of a former NVM friend, "I don't need a therapist, just solid friends." Note that the friends he used to sort out his massive insecurities were only his female ones, myself included, and not his male buddies. It is never someone else's responsibility to manage your emotional state. A true friend will stay by you in crisis, but cannot take the steps to recovery in your stead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 04:58 AM
10

He is not worth it, sister. Let him go and don't validate him with your precious time and attention. Silence is best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 04:53 AM
74

He's so bold to say my women, too. Next is right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 04:51 AM
173

Older, dominant, and protective = Controlling and likely manipulative. Block and delete, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 04:50 AM
6

Careful with poll results as male lurkers can skew them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:21 PM
134

Can you call it a holiday when accompanied by your FOUR- and ONE-year-old children? I hope she can break away from him in the near future. He might not even notice if he’s still playing video games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:15 PM
40

Like all personality tests, usually one can "tailor" their answers to decide which type fits them best, and then agree with all of the best traits. If all they offer is a likely inaccurate portrait of their personality and interests rather than a thoughtful profile, it's a sign of laziness and lack of investment. Not OP, however
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 04:22 AM
40

The guys who started off saying they liked me because (their words) am "smart" eventually either 1) became insecure ("I'm not smart enough for you") or 2) got instantly enraged over small disagreements that a simple Google search corrected. Yes! Your comment reminded me of two of the behaviors of my old NVM "friend" that I had forgotten, but fall in line with this insecurity/arrogance complex. A. Whenever a girlfriend of mine was speaking about a topic of personal experience, he would jump in an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 04:14 AM
32

You're absolutely correct, and LVM with deep insecurity are more likely to make this false claim. In my personal experience with a NVM "friend", because of my prowess and recognition in certain academic topics, he would become depressed and self-hating whenever I would respectfully argue and disprove an argument of his. If I didn't then soothe his wounded ego, he would give me the silent treatment for days until he would vent about my and the world's "judging him" too harshly. It was so insidiou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 04:06 AM
40

Unfortunately, I believe most LVM would descend into heightened levels of misogyny if women en mass adopted strict relationship boundaries rather than leveling up. I believe the key to self improvement FDS-style is becoming accustomed to being alone and loving yourself. As I've said before on here, my default setting is single. Because of the rarity of HVM and my own integrity and boundaries, I will not settle for a partnership with someone who doesn't hold himself to the same high standards tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:59 AM
5

This is excellent advice. Especially in a society that indoctrinates young women into ignoring their boundaries and instincts to please others, we mustn't blame ourselves for doing what we thought right or appropriate at the time. Learning to stop misusing our best attributes, as u/smallishtree so wonderfully stated, is the next stage of self-reflection and growth. I personally benefit from writing down painful memories when they cross my mind and imagine that I am committing them permanently to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:26 AM
5

This is only a very general suggestion, but many departmental stores are having large online sales of prom and formal dresses because of most spring dances being cancelled. These vary in formality and price point. I recently purchased a beautiful dress from one of these retailers for about $35. Hope you enjoy the ceremony!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:18 AM
2

Being cheated on by someone you were intimate with is a terrible betrayal. You must not blame yourself for falling for someone who put on a mask and put extensive energy into deceiving you; IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. The best advice I can give is 1) to search for resources on this sub about recovering from being cheated on as several have been posted in the past, 2) take a long break from dating to focus and invest in yourself, and 3) continue to learn vetting techniques for if you decide to date aga…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:15 AM
2

Hey, knowing where you are and actively resolving to continue improving is the most fundamental step of self improvement. Don't be discouraged when you find yourself falling back into old habits; realize it and reflect upon it so you can prepare for the future. There's a lovely poem by Portia Nelson called "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters" that captures this well: Autobiography in Five Short Chapters I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost... I a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:03 AM
1

It's wonderful to see friends on FDS. Wishing you both the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:52 AM
4

Know your worth, add tax. 💅🏽 Add tax! I love it. Unfortunately for the LVM, my taxes are astronomical.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:51 AM
1

Those who are gainfully employed, LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:49 AM
11

Maybe a more anonymous program would work...for example, you would join a group of women in a specific region and ask about people rather than posting the information about them publicly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:46 AM
33

It was definitely intentional. Who "relaxes" together with a "movie" after knowing each other for a few days? Don't doubt yourself if an interaction feels off!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:34 AM
98

I'm thinking of having social media profiles only for vetting purposes. I don't use them personally for privacy reasons, but having insight like this is valuable if the person courting you does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:28 AM
71

I’m guessing it is a way of attracting the woman’s attention. Perhaps they think she will say, “Aw, he is using my photo without my consent online! He likes me! Let me reach out to him.” As if.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 06:28 PM
3

Lack of listening or lack of respect to acknowledge what he’s heard. Block and delete this LVM yesterday, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:05 PM
2

I feel the same way. My NVM “friend” used it as punctuation and had the worst spelling and grammar imaginable despite being a native speaker AND having spell-check. Not worth the time spent deciphering his messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:02 PM
1

RE: unflattering photos, I have an acquaintance that kept taking photos of me on his phone when I wasn’t looking last semester and justified it by saying his Snapchat had a glitch that saved all his pictures. In the future, how would you ladies handle this situation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:55 PM
3

It is my impression that the dumb fox method is for finding out the true thoughts and opinions of the person courting you, and then dismissing them if they fall below your standards. Regardless, I understand what you’re saying about directness, but never tell a man where he went wrong if he violates a stated boundary or norm of decent behavior. It allows him to pretend respect long enough to deceive the next woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:47 PM
3

“Emotional leeches” and “energy parasites” work well too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:44 PM
2

You can join at any time. By posting and contributing, you will receive a sub flair. Welcome ✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:43 PM
2

Nice work, queen! I am still working on refusing the company of LVM when I’m walking around my university campus. They approach and speak at my side to be “friendly” and I haven’t found the best way to dismiss them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:42 PM
3

Knowing your requirements is wonderful and a fundamental step for maintaining your queen energy! I would be careful about posting all of the criteria you are looking for, though. It gives LVMs the opportunity to “fake it” and emulate your standards long enough to use your time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:39 PM
3

Bring up your valid concerns. What they think isn’t important here when you know you’ve been wronged! Your work was valuable, defend it, queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:28 PM
9

Same here. But they do exist, only few and far between. There are some that abstain because of its negative side effects on themselves rather than for the women suffering; I will not date someone who isn’t willing to acknowledge the corruption of the pornography industry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:25 PM
7

That’s my thinking, queen. His own delusion crafted from pleasure-reinforced viewing of women suffering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:18 PM
33

But never in the opposite direction!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:16 PM
21

I think this is fueled by pornography. “I saw it on the internet, so women definitely want to serve me for my pleasure!” The ethnic/race specifications are a red flag for me now that I know that you can sort pornography by these tags. How vile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:15 PM
12

I wonder how much of online dating is eligible for publishing legally. I think a book or collection is a wonderful idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:13 PM
8

If you don't know each other too well, I've found complementing another woman's stylistic or color choices to be a positive interaction. It's simple for brightening someone's day and letting them know you are paying attention. (LVM hardly notice those things anyway, in favor of the infamous "You look hot.")
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 01:44 AM
25

Nicely done! Next time, conserve your precious time and energy and block as soon as you see a noticeable decline in engagement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 01:40 AM
23

I understand what you mean; I am very similar. I don't wear makeup at all, and I perpetually wear flats and athletic gear for my outdoor survivalship hobbies. But, queen, your paradigm here is twisted. It's not masculine or un-girly to enjoy these activities. Women are constantly confronted with the idea of makeup, heels, and fashion being feminine and most else being masculine from the mass media, and many when realizing their interests don't lie there consider themselves a "tomboy" or "not lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 01:30 AM
28

It isn't the woman we criticize, but the attitude and the patriarchal society that has made it so prevalent. The woman in this video is satirizing it with dramatic facial expressions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 01:19 AM
3

How accurate! My NVM friend said early on that he "liked me," but wasn't ready to date. I was completely fine with that and told him such. Tell me why this man proceeded to ask to talk about "our relationship" at every turn and complained about me "leading him on" when I reiterated my understanding of our friendship? I thought we were friends. Why do I feel a sense of betrayal? Before I cut him off months later, he obsessed about my interactions with other males and tried repeatedly to give me u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 10:42 PM
6

Picnics can be wonderful dates when organized by a committed partner, especially in an outdoor location you enjoy, but it isn't an ideal first date. When first meeting in person, for safety, you should be in a public setting, and a picnic might be held in a quieter area. Most importantly, you want him to demonstrate his willingness to invest in you and the way he interacts with others, so a paid restaurant or activity date is far superior. Regarding what you've said about the virus situation, th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 10:20 PM
17

From the position of the sign behind her, it looks like they were taken within the same time frame, likely by different photographers; the comparison makes the body contour edit evident in the first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 10:09 PM
41

Exactly. It happened; learn, grow stronger, and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 06:26 PM
6

I struggle to believe this man has brain cells
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:30 PM
3

This is an important concern. Rather than coffee dates, consider using phone/video call screening and then a later proper date at a restaurant or activity if you are interested in him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:13 PM
11

This is expressed perfectly. You want him to take the initiative and show his investment into you. If it isn’t convenient for you, declining gracefully by saying you aren’t available at that time or you prefer a closer location puts the ball back in his court, so to speak. If he is an intelligent HVM with true interest in pursuing you, he will understand and follow up with a more suitable option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:11 PM
1

I’ve also been waiting. I think the best thing to do is wait for the influx of new users to be verified, then schedule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:04 PM
1

I requested a code about a week ago and haven’t yet received it. I’m also in the process of Discord verification. If I have private messaging disabled on Reddit, would that prevent it? I figured the message would come from the subreddit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:02 PM
7

What do you mean by chemistry as opposed to love? Does he add value to your life? Do you enjoy his company? Is he a thoroughly vetted HVM? Even if he is a HVM, you aren’t necessarily compatible and that’s perfectly fine; others are out there and your own company is best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:56 PM
3

I see your point, but the LVM I know usually don’t go for haircuts or grooming with such frequency because they are not held to the same standard as women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:51 PM
17

Or rather, don’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:37 PM
20

Where is this from? I’m interested in reading more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:27 AM
16

It’s understandable to become anxious if you know it’s there; your mind will start working on it in the background. I personally keep my phone off or notifications off when I am working to avoid this anxiety. I see the text afterward and respond. As you said, a HVM will understand the value of your time and that you have your own schedule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:23 AM
7

I agree. It’s akin to having you around while doing chores. I helped a NVM move once and at a certain point he prevented me from doing any more manual work but wanted me to follow him around. When I asked why he wanted me there, he said in a condescending and simultaneously defensive tone, “This is us spending time together.” Right, because spending time together as you are focused on your domestic responsibilities and splitting your attention is worthwhile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:48 AM
3

What an indolent ass. Glad to hear he’s an ex now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:37 AM
5

In the future, if they aren’t making concrete plans to meet you within a week or so of texting, drop them. You aren’t on a dating app for a pen pal. A week or two should be enough to vet with text and a phone/video call to see if you are interested and comfortable meeting in person, and even then, the proposal and planning is entirely his. He needs to demonstrate his interest in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:33 AM
19

No, queen, no. You are not the issue. This LVM isn’t putting in the effort, not because you are not worth it, but because he isn’t willing to make the chase. Keep your head high; drop and block anyone who isn’t pursuing you earnestly. Your time and energy is better spent elsewhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:30 AM
14

That was my experience with a NVM; for a major holiday, he decided to give me a flimsy "handmade" present I had expressed no interest in. He had so little forethought that it broke apart nearly immediately in an irreparable manner. Of course, I was expected to be thoroughly grateful and praise his effort... blocked and deleted now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 06:29 PM
4

I hope the girl he proposes to sees through him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 06:22 PM
14

Sister! I am around your age. I am figuring out the process of becoming financially independent, then changing my last name. I think it’s better for us to do it young; I expect to publish research later on and want that to be under MY name of choice. Regarding marriage, this is my perspective, cultivated by FDS and radical feminism: my default setting is single. I was born single and will die single. I will master myself to become interdependent with my communities, not dependent. And if a man c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 01:31 PM
10

No apology necessary; don’t soften the blow!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 01:22 PM
9

Minimal effort and insecure? Blocked atque vale, energy parasite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:39 PM
16

An unsent letter would serve you best. Don’t give him any more satisfaction of seeing your pain. Blocking with silence allows you to walk away with grace and the letter to move on and heal. Wishing you the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:37 PM
9

Passing over the hijacking of your soul and such, look at how being “humbled by the greatness of the unknown” necessitates you to “make lots of babies.” What depth of thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:03 PM
20

Not trying to waste your time? Regardless of what this “artist” intended, it’s been wasted. I hope he is blocked now, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:51 PM
3

I’m thinking of changing mine and keeping the change if I decide to marry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:30 PM
15

Brilliant, would usually advise the standard block and delete but this NVM should be charged for taking those pictures without OP's consent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:40 AM
32

Vague answers, or by prompting them first. If asked for what you are looking for, you might try: -What do you think? -I will know when I see it. -Someone I click with. Give them nothing to latch onto and use for "future-faking". If you say "a committed relationship," do you see how easy it is for him to pretend to want the same thing and then ghost after becoming intimate?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:31 AM
24

This post is incredible. Thank you, u/NecessaryCook. "Seems to despise doing anything that will benefit you and not him" and "feels 'unappreciated' despite not doing shit" KILLED me. I will remember these whenever I happen to think of a certain NVM in the future. I cared for him, praised him, and built him up because that's how I treat my friends? My reward? Not respect, but this attitude, complaints, and complete disregard for my time, energy, and possessions I lent him. ' "He talks a big game …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:26 AM
2

Understandably so, but if you don’t want to be with him, you don’t want to be with him. I think before you begin to date you should look into the resources about personal leveling up on FDS. We need to enjoy our own company; no man will fill that void. Becoming your own best friend frees you, and physical companionship can be found in animals with unconditional love! Congratulations on your hard work and progress with your body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 11:19 PM
38

“Yeah I thought so. It shows. You're very abrupt in your responses with me and sometimes you forget stuff blah blah blah. You're probably too distracted by other chats. And that's why you misunderstood what I was doing as a scam and you probably wish you could take it back.” Reading this raised my blood pressure. Audacity is right—why do some men believe that their projections on us are anywhere close to reality? Throughout my NVM “friendship,” I could tell I was being idealized once and a while…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 11:15 PM
6

Even subtle disrespect is a red flag. Though he spoke positively of her in the weeks beforehand, a NVM in a text chat said he couldn’t go out to the library to do his work because his mother “decided he was being disrespectful”. I didn’t think much of it at the time since parents can be difficult, but his blame of other people for his behavior and resentment/denial when called upon it was a continuous thread in our relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 02:35 PM
3

One day when a “friend” of mine came to me for another hours-long rant about how the world was judging him unfairly and he was depressed and alone, I finally realized the NVM was using me for free emotional labor under the guise of friendship. At that moment I decided to connect him with mental health resources and recommend the free campus therapy for his deep insecurity. He thought that would be a sign of weakness and told me he needed “solid friends, not a stupid therapist.” Nevermind that yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 03:37 PM
20

Please don’t fret about downvotes; male lurkers skew the ratio. They have nothing better to do, I suppose
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 03:15 PM
1

I won’t share the vetting process here because of male lurkers, but if you search “discord” on FDS you should pull up the post with the link to join. It should also be on the sidebar (I’m on mobile and can’t check right now.) Hope to see you there ⭐️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:29 PM
7

Yes, there is a Discord server. To participate, you need to go through a verification process to ensure you are a woman. The mods are working overtime right now, so it might be a while; I'm in the process of joining myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:28 PM
3

Here's the link: https://www.therealfemaledatingstrategy.com/8-digit-code The update post is pinned, check it out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:27 PM
1

Here's the link for the code: https://www.therealfemaledatingstrategy.com/8-digit-code I've been offline for a month and came back after hearing the sub might be shut down. I hope that my limited postings will be enough to join the new website, but if not, maybe the Discord process will suffice as verification.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:23 PM
6

Learning these things as a young woman with little personal relationship experience is incredibly valuable... I won't let LVM "friends" use my time anymore. Thank you ✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:17 PM
3

Would this work if the person lives in another part of the country? Nothing to this degree has happened to me yet, but a certain NVM's behavior has come close in the past (he's blocked now, of course). Since I wouldn't know where he would be physically, I'm not sure how 911 would handle it; perhaps by me giving them his number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:10 PM
17

Many of those replies are repulsive. How telling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 02:54 PM
10

Same here, and I am in shock and awe of the women who constructed the new website in such a short period of time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 02:41 PM
2

Will FDS survive? I am heartbroken thinking of the wisdom and support here that could be lost with deletion. Will removeddit still host what has been posted?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:41 AM
32

Thank you for creating and maintaining this beautiful space online. I found FDS three months ago and have been religiously lurking here ever since, absorbing your tough love, wisdom, and strength. I feel privileged to have discovered an online community that affirms what I have unconsciously believed about dating and boundaries as a young college student before having experienced and invested heavily in a significant LTR. Though I am and have been 100% committed to my studies and research in my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 06:23 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter