How to deal with Gas Lighting

dzgata · 2020-07-09T08:05:56+00:00

You deal with gaslighting by choosing to not deal with it. Break up. Immediately. In fact, break up yesterday. This is all kinds of disrespectful and you shouldn’t put up with any of it. Delete and block.

gcfemtastic · 2020-07-09T10:50:47+00:00

I 100% believe the propensity to gas light is a character flaw, usually rooted in a need to exert or maintain control. It's an emotional lashing out, and people who act this way will not stop with communication because the very nature of the behavior is opposed to honest listening and fair conduct.

I know everyone always says dump him, but seriously, dump him. This behavior will not magically stop. Asking him, talking about how it makes you feel, "proving" to him what he is doing (he'll deny and....gasp gaslight) will not work.

Some learned behaviors can be fixed, worked on or improved within a relationship....gaslighting actions is not one of them.

2020-07-09T10:25:11+00:00

1 - Try to recognize his gaslighting pattern. Gaslighting only works when a victim isn’t aware of what’s going on. Once you become alert to the pattern, it will not affect you as much. write down every disagreement and argument you had with him and analize the situation alone, see if you can find any other incidents of gaslighting on his part

2- The gaslighting isn’t about you. It’s about the gaslighter’s need for control and power. It's all about him he wants to be the one driving the conversation and the one to decide the outcome of it.

he flipped it on me, saying that I’m too emotional

3 - You can't change his mind. CoMmUnIcAtiON doesn't work when you're dealing with an abuser.

4 - End this relationship. This relationship is not worth putting up with the constant attempts to chip away at your self-esteem.

5 - Trust your intuition and surround yourself with friends. Build your support system.

6 - From point number 1 if you think he had don't serious damage to your self esteem then seek professional help.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-07-09T10:56:52+00:00

Why isn't he your ex yet?

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-07-09T16:41:38+00:00

Based on what you posted, the impression I am getting is that you realize your boyfriend is a toxic person that is not impacting your life or wellbeing in a positive direction so you are contemplating how to "fix this." I want to affirm that it's really hard to take that first step when you start realizing a person you love is not giving you the same love you extend to them and it's very painful. With this said, do not play yourself by putting another person's needs above your own and I do not see how staying in a relationship with this type of person will enhance your life for the better. Life is too short to play small and not be bold in living the life you always imagined.

I want to affirm that you deserve to feel heard in a relationship when you express a person has crossed a boundary or has hurt your feelings. A healthy, reasonable person would listen and accept the feedback (even if it initially catches them off guard or is something they do not expect).

It's okay to be upset about something a partner did if they dismiss and attempt to manipulate the situation to place blame on you rather than accountability on themselves. They know they are treating you wrong and know you deserve better, but instead of doing the right thing--they would rather have you not see the value you bring by gas-lighting you to believe that you are "too emotional" so you feel undeserving of the love YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL THE TIME. HE is full of shit and that's not true.

You do not need to stay in any relationship for any reason. I hope you know this. And although we try to promote staying in unhealthy relationships to "make it work" as a badge of "honor" in many societies, know that REAL HV people know that giving up and walking away from a toxic situation is for WINNERS.

Sending hugs and hope you know FDS is here if you want to walk away. Only you decide what is right for you. You do not need to "deal" with gaslighting because you are only obligated to yourself in this world.

Wkndwhorechata · 2020-07-09T19:55:40+00:00

If you want to be on his level of mean (which is what I've done in the past when I see gaslighting)... In your specific situation after he calls me emotional I would say:

Ok, if you want me to be really honest I'm not hurt, I'm embarrassed by you. You think you're acting so cool in front of your bros in your group text, but they think you're a joke and probably laugh behind your back. It makes you look bad and then me look bad. Your value is plummeting, just FYI.

Guys like this care a lot about what other people think because they usually have nothing of value. No money, no looks, no skill, and so they at least have to look like a big man. Cut him down. Thanks for coming to my emotional abusive TedTalk. 🤓 By the way, nothing I've said up there is a lie.

ishika_23 · 2020-07-10T09:44:16+00:00

Sis, he does not respect you

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