Marriage Is A Trap

Elegant-Stop · 2020-07-08T06:04:04+00:00

I’m sorry your dad made it so that you had to witness abuse so young and within your own home. He violated a place that is supposed to be a safe haven and you did not deserve that.

You have a wisdom I did not at 16. You have realized that men are more likely to bring you misery than joy. Remember that, guard your heart, continue to raise your standards.

Changing your last name is a great idea if you don’t like yours and that’s something you want. The stereotype dissipates as you get older (30+), but try not to care about what others think. If it would make you happy to adopt a child on your own, do it.

Throw yourself into school. Find a career that makes you happy and aligns you with where you want to be financially (feel free to DM me if you want ideas). That way you can feel fulfilled, independent, and give that child a comfortable life, no man needed.

BasieSkanks · 2020-07-08T14:05:28+00:00

Personally, I don’t think marriage is synonymous with commitment. Marriage was always about legality and property, and I think it’s been misold to women as being about love to mask the fact that, as a whole, women are worse off after they get married. If I marry, it will be for legal reasons. I’m open to cultivating a deep relationship with a man, but I’m not one of those who believe that marriage is a must.

Rebirthed_Queen · 2020-07-08T13:31:30+00:00

Sister! I am around your age. I am figuring out the process of becoming financially independent, then changing my last name. I think it’s better for us to do it young; I expect to publish research later on and want that to be under MY name of choice.

Regarding marriage, this is my perspective, cultivated by FDS and radical feminism: my default setting is single. I was born single and will die single. I will master myself to become interdependent with my communities, not dependent. And if a man courts me who holds himself to the same incredibly high standards I hold myself to AND adds value to my life, then it is a bonus. If not, it’s no issue and I will live accordingly, adopting children if I wish. Wish you the best, and glad we’re both here learning from the wisdom of older, more experienced women ⭐️

throwaway23004345 · 2020-07-08T11:38:07+00:00

60% of marriages end in divorce and 80% of those divorces are filed by the woman.... if this was anything else (driving, flying) the average person would avoid it

sadcello · 2020-07-08T18:54:46+00:00

I feel like men take and take and take till you have nothing left then they leave you for the next young woman and the cycle continues.

Yes, which is why this man's world has gone to shit. Because men take and take and take and never give back to nature so now we're all going to die either from virus, global warming, sea level rise, water shortage, or microplastic in our food and water. It's all happening now all at once, but the real damage will definitely happen in less than 10 years, be prepared for that instead.

PR0N0IA · 2020-07-08T05:39:06+00:00

Just want to say I’m happily married to a wonderful man. My parents are married and my dad goes above & beyond for my mom (who is partially paralyzed — happened when I was in elementary school) so I had a great example of a HVM growing up.

Good men exist — when you’re ready to date just follow this subs dating guidelines & focus on yourself until someone worth your time comes along. Marriage to a LVM is a trap but marriage to a HVM is hugely beneficial.

Note that most teenage boys are not ready for serious relationships & older men wanting to date you at 16 is a huge red flag of a potential predator— so don’t worry about dating now / in the near future.

In my experience, men whose parents are happily married seem to be more likely to be HVM (especially at a younger age). HVM raise sons that are more likely to be HVM. His relationship with his mother is also important to look at & how his mother treats you when you’re dating.

2020-07-09T00:46:41+00:00

[deleted]

Pretend-Valuable · 2020-07-08T09:54:59+00:00

Totally agree with what everyone else has said - you are absolutely able to make your own decisions, whether that's to get married or not.

Personally, I'd love to get married - not because I need a husband (I'm 31 and managed fine on my own so far) but because I want to have an equal partner, someone to share life with and have children within the context of married life. To me, marriage is just something I've always wanted.

You can definitely change your name when you're old enough to, you can adopt a child if you want as well. It sounds like you'll be a great mum one day, whether that's through having your own children or adopting, or both!

biwinny · 2020-07-08T08:58:30+00:00

TL;DR: Do whatever you want! You know yourself better than anyone else, so you should live how you see fit. Not all marriage is bad, sometimes it can be beautiful! But it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay too:)

I’m married. I was 19, and it was either breakup or get married because of the military. Anyway, marriage has been good so far! There are good men, but if we ever break up I will NEVER get married again. It’s essentially pointless nowadays. We have separate bank accounts and only share our savings, I kept my last name, and he kept his, and aren’t thinking about kids for at least 5 more years. Of course we share the apartment, our furniture, food ect, and I get his health benefits for the military. But this marriage certificate is only going to make it hard and expensive to break up one day (if we ever wanted to.)

We’ve had our problems but any couple will, but he has never put his hands on me, he doesn’t hold his money over me, he doesn’t berate or yell at me, we still go on dates all the time and have so much fun.

I’m sorry you had such a shitty example of what marriage is, I can completely relate. My parents have been married for 21 years and they fucking hate each other but have become so codependent that I think they would die if they divorced. To this day I still fear becoming like them and my first instinct is to immediately run when my marriage goes through a rough point.

I still feel uncomfortable with the fact that there is a contract binding me to my husband but luckily he’s the type of guy that wouldn’t be vindictive and abusive if I ever decided to leave. There won’t be any property disputes, no children to fight over, ect. We will simply go our separate ways, and that’s the type of guy you need to find if you want to marry them.

But to answer your other questions, yes! You can be a single mom and adopt a baby! Who gives a fuck what stereotypes people assign to you? If it wasn’t that one, they’d choose another stereotype to assign you. Live your life the way you want it, in the way that you feel is best for YOU! If that means staying away from marriage and adopting your own child, great! Don’t let anyone shame you into a life you don’t want.

Title	Marriage Is A Trap
Author	clemsworld
Upvotes	81
Comments	11
Date	July 7, 2020 8:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hn27dw/marriage_is_a_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/marriage-is-a-trap.714829 https://theredarchive.com/post/714829

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