Is it okay to ask your boyfriend not to masturbate while you’re home?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-25T23:56:17+00:00

I would ask him to not masturbate at all. They're pretty well worthless sexually when they do. They shouldn't be wasting their sexual energy on their hand when they have a girlfriend.

willowgrowingroots · 2020-07-26T00:16:55+00:00

You are fully deserve not to have your traumas triggered in your most safe place and/or by your boyfriend. It has nothing to do with your sessions’ progress and you should not feel obligated to rush them. And you cannot heal from trauma while exposed to it, or to the possibility of it.

I personally wouldn’t want my partner to masturbate at all while in a relationship. Unless one of us is away for an agreed period of time (and ofc w no porn). Are you doing that while in a relationship? And when he’s home? The same applies to him.

Edit: a few more words

Lady_Schmoobleydong · 2020-07-26T01:45:58+00:00

He’s just being disrespectful. Masturbation is natural, but we learn about privacy. You were violated in a very specific way, and your partner knows that, and he’s being super obvious. You gave him space, you offered suggestions and gave a clear reason for your request. He disrespected it and seems like he lied about it. I understand that one doesn’t need their partner’s permission to masturbate, but in this case, the least he could have done is said “hey OP, I need some privacy,” that’s sufficient enough and he doesn’t even do that. He clearly has no self control.

I do believe that overcoming this particular trigger will benefit you more in the long run, but him not respecting your therapy right now will not help you or your relationship. I wish you the best in your therapy and hope that your BF learns to understand what you need, and if he doesn’t, then screw him.

CharTheCatMom · 2020-07-26T00:30:43+00:00

Why is he masterbating while you're in the house? That's just gross and disrespectful as it is.

And honestly, I don't see you having true healing in a clearlg triggering environment with a triggering partner.

strainedcrow · 2020-07-26T02:28:17+00:00

He made you stay when you walked in on him? If you did not appear enthusiastic and 'into it' I would consider that sexually abusive. Even if he didn't know about your trauma. These men are pornsick. It has nothing to do with you, he is a porn addict. If not a porn addict... a sex addict, or someone who enjoys making another person sexually uncomfortable (a predator), etc, there is nothing good about a man having a lack of sexual control. This can't be good for your mental health. EMDR works most effectively when you have a safe place to reside in. A bf who makes me unsafe in my own home will I'm trying to heal from trauma, in fact actively triggers my trauma, is not a person I could allow to stay in my life. In future relationships it is common knowledge to basically not masturbate while your partner is home, or it should be. I've experienced this as well and was also abused with pornography as a child. A man who cannot respect your trauma can never, ever respect you. I learned that the hard way. They literally get off on women's negative reaction to it too. I'm sorry you're dealing with this sad excuse for a man. I hope you scroll on this sub, read the FDS handbook, and I really hope you leave him.

Title	Is it okay to ask your boyfriend not to masturbate while you’re home?
Author	illbeokayyysomedayyy
Upvotes	5
Comments	7
Date	July 25, 2020 6:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hxr5rn/is_it_okay_to_ask_your_boyfriend_not_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-okay-to-ask-your-boyfriend-not-to-masturbate.717340 https://theredarchive.com/post/717340

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