Hello ladies,

Long time lurker and a recovering pickmeisha here. English is not my first language, I'll try my very best to be as clear as possible. Also, not thinking very clearly right now as I am about to be single again in a long time and, even thought I have learnt so much from this community, applying it to my own life feels...scary (I've been dealing with low self esteem so it has been hard to make myself believe that I too deserve good in life).

Long story short, I've been with a LVM, my "first love" (HA, not) for more than 5 years, we've still never lived together, no ring obviously, just empty promises from his side. I am gathering inner strength to finally leave his ass. I have created a freaking list (it is long) of all the red flags in the notes of my phone, I am tearing up every time I am reading it and yet there I still am, with the same guy this note is about. I am planning my escape plan because we are working in the same place and living 5 min apart from each other - when I finally ghost him and block him, I want to disappear for good, so he doesn't even know where to look for me, I am looking for a new job and apartment at the moment.

I have to admit, I have access to and do check my bf's icloud once in a while, please don't judge me (guess I'm just subconsciously waiting for something shady to appear there, so I can find another reason to leave him). And guess what - today is the day, basically he has set a reminder to "create a fake facebook account and invite [grammar misspelling, not sure who/what] for pleasure". Please tell me, how do I address this? If I say something he will know I am checking his icloud lol. Do I just leave him and try my best to avoid him before I can move away and leave my job? This will be my first break up ever and I feel so lost. Just to clarify, I am not planning to stay with him, I am leaving him and would like to know what could be the best way to exit this relationship. Any advice would help immensely. I am sorry if this sounds like a joke/trolling, I really wish it was.