Another break up. Wall of text.

I met LTR November 2017. We are both 28 now in 2020. She was still in school when we met. She finished school and got a very good job at a hospital. Made new friends. Went on coworker dinners etc. she would still see me every weekend. She’d come over and cook and we had good sex. I started feeling a little insecure. Her smv went up. So I was on dating apps trying to expand my social circle and meet new girls, while being cold to her. She knew this and I told her I just swipe when bored. It’s like I was pushing her away so I wouldn’t get hurt when she left. I told her that I’m Not looking for another girl. Around November 2019 she broke up with me. Her excuse was that she couldn’t take the disrespect. She ended up messaging me a week later because she saw me with another girl. So we got back together. In New Year’s Eve 2020 she fucking breaks up with me again. And we got back together again a week later but this time something was different and didn’t feel right. I had a feeling she broke up with me because someone else was involved. I snooped on social media and came across a pic of her school/work friends at a restaurant and a guy sitting next to her. I didn’t question her about it and thought if something is up it’ll come to light. Fast forward to a couple days ago I came across the guy on social media who was sitting next to her on the video I saw in January. I straight up asked him what happened between them and if they hooked up and that I have nothing against him if he did. He told me they didn’t hook up but they dated from Nov 2019 - June 2020. And he was intrigued to know when I was seeing her. I told him I was seeing her every weekend. We both agreed she was fucking us both over. This girl was fucking him and then coming to me right after. Telling me she loved me and being submissive to me. There would be no fucking way I would’ve found this out if it wasn’t because of him cause she played it so perfectly. I met up with her yesterday and broke things off with her. She threw a tantrum and tried to justify everything telling me that I never showed affection and shit like that and that’s why she was with him.

Anyway I’ve heard of ons where girls just cheat for that night. I’ve heard of girls branch swinging. But this girl kept us both around. It sounded to me that she broke things off with him in June and kept me around for whatever reason.

I am gonna see a therapist because I don’t want to go down a dark hole of depression. Which seems like that’s what’s happening. I haven’t eaten much in 48 hours. I can’t lift or sleep at night and idk why I always have a hard time dealing with break ups. I have a bad habit of isolating myself when I’m sad and that’s probably not good. Any advice on what to do to unfuck myself would be great. Thanks for reading