I was talking with one of the (male) therapists at work yesterday and he told me about how he was interested in a particular client’s family and how this client’s parents always said: “Our [only] daughter is our only normal child. We never worry about her.”

The therapist brought up that society tells girls and women at a young age to be caregivers, to make things easier for others. That’s why we see “Super Moms” because the expectation is that women do it ALL. He said as a result, there’s a trend in women and girls internalizing their struggles, their sadness, and suppressing their needs and emotions. He suspected this girl saw her brothers having external behaviors and felt the stress it put upon the parents, and as a result, internalizes her own struggles so as to not “burden” the parents the way her brothers did. And her parents saying “she’s the good one” probably put MORE pressure on her!

We talked about how this manifests in dating, and how so many women feel they have to do all the work in the relationship and in life. To me, THAT is what female dating strategy is about. As women, we’re conditioned to give give give but that is not conducive to a healthy or sustainable relationship. The MAN therapist even said this.

We vet so “harshly” because we know we ultimately are loving, caring, and supportive partners. We ARE high value. We need to see that a man is also all of those things, and that looks like making thoughtful plans, validating, and taking care of THEMSELVES so we don’t have to be mom/girlfriend/wife/therapist/etc. to them!

It’s not gold digging, we want to see maturity, initiative, thoughtfulness. We want to be equal partners, asking you to do the same work we’ve already been doing is NOT a tall order! It’s equal shares in a workload that is a relationship.

If a guy can’t even set up a time or a plan for a date honey, red flag! What else can’t he do without you holding his hand (i.e., doing for him?)