How do I encourage my male friend (21M) to escalate our relationship?

spotted_kat · 2021-02-19T04:57:11+00:00

Do you flirt with each other? I don’t think you should rescue him from having to do the work here, but you could keep making it obvious you won’t reject him through your body language and suggestions. I know it seems dramatic to say this, but I promise you at the end of the day if he won’t take the risk or waits around for you to initiate, you will have bigger issues down the line.

AnarchoNAP · 2021-02-19T04:37:59+00:00

so I’ve suggested going places together multiple times but he’s never taken me up on the offer.

Is this "we should hang out sometime" or "we should hang out at x on x day"?

Tell the mutual friend that you like him too.

wisule · 2021-02-19T05:50:36+00:00

From your description, it seems as though he's a bit inexperienced and shy. No worries. You can semi-covertly test for his attraction before making any moves. This way, you can keep your friendship if he isn't interested.

One night long ago when I was 21, someone who I wasn't attracted to accidentally stepped into my personal space bubble at a party. My immediate reaction was to take a step backwards. The proverbial light bulb switched on. I realized that I could use this as a test of attraction. It was super successful.

Try this algorithm out: Manipulate the size of the personal space bubble, watching carefully for resistance of any kind.

Setting: You need to be somewhere where you can still clearly hear him speaking. This might not work at loud bars or concerts because the personal space bubble is necessarily smaller. House parties are ideal since you will start out with the biggest personal space bubble.

You can test whether or not he is attracted to you by manipulating the personal space bubble and watching for his reaction. Step into his personal space bubble a few times within the space of an hour. Get closer each time and hold your place for a little bit longer. The first step-in should be short as if it were an accident. If he has a crush on you, then he will not back off. He might even move in closer.

If he ever backs off, and doesn't come back into the smaller personal space bubble, or if he suddenly acts like he needs to leave, then it's a NEGATIVE result. Abort immediately and give him extra room! Pretend like nothing happened.

If he always stays put, or comes closer to you, eventually, you'll have reached the point where it's obvious that he's not going to back off. You have a POSITIVE result. Congratulations! It is very highly likely that he's into you. :-)

All of this closeness usually makes us feel the "butterflies". You want to try to get him seated somewhere at this point. For benches: When you sit down at a bench, make sure you sit so close that you're touching him a little bit. If you're in the back of a car, sit so that you're touching him. For sofas and loveseats: you might be able to sit on his lap outright!

If he looks comfortable and doesn't make any attempt to move, then your test is 100% positive. If you're on a bench or in the back of a car, holding hands is a good first step. The truth is: you can now touch him anywhere you like and he won't resist because he wants it. After holding hands, for a short while, you move your head close to his head and kiss him on the lips.

wisule · 2021-02-19T09:11:48+00:00

Is there any chance that he comes from a Christian background? Like a Baptist, Jehova's whitness, Church of God, Pentecostal, 7th Day Adventist, or a Mormon? You know...one of those types that believes whole-heartedly that sex comes only after marriage and never before?

If he really is a Christian, the only potential issue would come later on when you've started a family and he wants to raise the kids within his religion. If you're alright with that outcome then by all means do proceed.

The way you described him reminds me of someone I knew at university. I don't think he ever dated anyone. Usually when you know someone for a few years, you learn these things. He was tall, reasonably good looking, and super-smart. Last I heard was that he was accepted into a mathematics PhD program.

A_Prudent_Revolution · 2021-02-20T11:35:18+00:00

One option is to Google “How to tell if a girl likes you” and do those things. Examples include: playing with your hair around him, smiling at him, pointing your feet and your body toward him in conversation, telling him you miss him.

Something to keep in mind. The way women who are not romantically interested in him is his control group. He’s looking for discrepancies between the way most women interact with him and the way you interact with him. And it’s quite possible that other female friends have behaved exactly the way you describe yourself as behaving without being romantically interested in him.

Keep in mind also that he probably wants to be good at discerning women who just want to be friends from women who are romantically interested in him.

RP_Bear9 · 2021-02-21T04:28:08+00:00

Find a mutual girlfriend that both you and he know. And, if there is no mutual friend, then connect on social social such as Facebook, etc.. Find someone highly social and persuasive. Then have your girlfriend approach him, wanting to talk about something. Your girlfriend then can convince him that he should definitely ask you out - preferably to a specific event - like this restaurant Saturday night, or a church event that is coming up. You'll be sure to pay her back later. (I was roped into dates like this in college).

No_Employment8579 · 2021-02-19T18:15:27+00:00

Just tell him you are attracted to him.

MommyLovesTheBabies · 2021-02-19T20:50:32+00:00

I highly recommend telling him you are interested in him romantically. He won’t know you’re interested if you don’t tell him. Some men don’t believe someone like you could like them even if they are actually amazing. Is losing a chance with him over him not making the first move worth it to you? Isn’t it worth just trying to tell him how you feel?

Gamedragon345 · 2021-02-19T07:55:32+00:00

I think that if a guy is too shy then a girl shouldn't wait for him or try to do everything to initiate so that one day he can learn to stop being shy.Otherwise he'll always have that problem.

Title	How do I encourage my male friend (21M) to escalate our relationship?
Author	CarbonaraDioxide
Upvotes	3
Comments	19
Date	February 19, 2021 4:33 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ln6rwx/how_do_i_encourage_my_male_friend_21m_to_escalate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-encourage-my-male-friend-21m-to-escalate.743723 https://theredarchive.com/post/743723

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