I was reading an article today that made a very poignant observation, in my opinion. A healthy relationship will always take effort on both ends, but it should never be hard work. If it feels like work, that means someone isn't pulling their weight or respecting your energy and time.

Here's an example. Remaining consistent about plans - i.e. following through on scheduled facetime "dates" or actual physical meet-ups - is effort. Having to always be the one to get up and drive to your partner is work.

Learning to listen and absorb what your partner says during disagreements is effort. Having to exercise de-escalation and walk on eggshells to avoid their anger is work (and likely abuse, by the way).

I think having this distinction between effort vs work is a good way to keep your mind in the right place when evaluating a relationship, and I've unconsciously learned to do this thanks to my current healthy one as opposed to past less-than-stellar ones. I can honestly say that my relationship has never felt like work (that may sound crazy, but it's true!). Effort? Sure! He and I are different individuals and have to handle challenges like any other couple. But there's this underlying pattern where we both simply know we're going to be handling it as a team.

I use my own example just to show that the distinction is not only possible, but in a weird twist effort feels effortless when you're in a healthy romantic partnership. I look forward to hearing your thoughts, ladies, and your own examples! Thanks for reading :)