Out of all my male friends using OLD, only one has impressed me. He asked me to help take his dating app photos, and kept me updated throughout his journey while giving me access to his Hinge account. (He only used Hinge because it had filters for finding relationships - more on that below.)

Men are always complaining they can't get any matches on OLD - yeah, well it's online DATING not online HOOKUPS. LVM make it so obvious they are here for sex only and not relationships, so of course the women looking for relationships (most women) don't want to waste time on them? From the beginning of my friend's journey his actions made it very clear he was also looking for a long term relationship that he could invest in. Actually, every decision he made was with the consideration of marriage. For example, my friend is one type of east Asian (either Chinese, Japanese, or Korean). East Asians look similar enough that if you're into Korean girls you're going to be into Chinese ones too, from a purely physical standpoint (I'm east Asian, not a racist thing). He didn't respond to a lot of beautiful girls from two of the ethnicities (after setting the filter as East Asian) and I asked why, since I knew he thought they were beautiful too. He said it's because his culture is very important to him and he wants to find someone of his cultural background so they can raise their child speaking a common language. Through this, he was showing that he cares about the long term. He wasn't going to just string along another Asian girl, using her for sex, for a couple years before dumping her when he wanted kids. And despite being a recent college grad, he didn't interact with college girls, including seniors, because he knew they might move away for a job. Even if the college girls may have wanted to hook up with him before moving away, he was only interested in a relationship. He also didn't interact with girls who didn't want kids or said they weren't atheist, because he won't compromise on those things for a long term relationship just for some sex now.

My friend got a lot of matches and started going on dates. After a couple weeks, I asked him how it was going and he said he was going to slow down and only go on one date a week. I asked why, and he said because it was too expensive to go on a date with every parameter-matching girl who was up for meeting. It turned out that all of his dates so far cost $300-400 (he works in consulting), lasting over several hours (good conversation after vetting!) and covering at least two venues (effort!). Of course he paid for everything. This impressed me a lot. He recognized he was spending more money than he wanted to, so instead of changing the dates to coffee dates so he could meet 7 girls a week while spending less money, he chose to spend the same amount of money and reduce the amount of girls he saw instead. He was intentional about not lowering the experiential quality of his dates, even if it meant he had to go on less of them.

Before the haters come in with aLl WoMeN aRe GoLdDiGgErS, I recognize most people don't earn consulting salaries. No one at FDS is saying we all expect a $400 first date. We're saying there are options besides $400 and coffee in a field. We are saying we want him to show some effort. We are saying we want to feel like he is genuinely interested in us as a top option, not #29 of the 30 girls he will meet in a month on coffee dates because he can't afford dinner out every night. You can invite someone on a 4 hour date with a $50 budget if you plan well - for example, going to a book talk together and ending the night at a normal neighborhood restaurant where no one gets alcohol. Men do coffee dates because they're trying to shoot their shot with tons of women, hoping to win via the numbers game, and literally cannot afford real dates with all those people. And finding a book talk she would actually be interested in, based on the things she's said to you so far, requires effort. Women don't want your money, we want your investment, your attention, and your empathy, just as we give men our investment, attention, and empathy.

My friend found an amazing woman - educated, high-earning, popular, and beautiful - after just 3 months of OLD, and he is no Chad in terms of looks. So to all those guys complaining about not getting dates on dating apps when my friend doesn't look any better than you do? If you want to date then MAYBE you should ask her on a DATE, not let's get drinks/coffee/hang out/chill.