Division of labor at home?

CrazyHorseInvincible · 2018-12-23T18:41:08+00:00

Removing this entirely. Discussion was simply generating more heat than light.

The question, however, is worth posing, so here's what I'd like you to do.

Take a deep breath. In all the way, full your lungs, hold. Now let it out, and let the tension drain from your muscles as you do. Especially unclench that jaw.

Repeat a few times.

Now, wait a day, and report the same question, this time with the awareness that it's controversial, and so extra care to use accepting, empathetic language in both the post and in comments is extra important.

That goes for all of you. This group is about the virtues of femininity, and the power of femininity to help you get what you want without wasteful conflict. So let's have everyone try to set a good example, yeah?

MakeAmericaRichAgain · 2018-12-22T17:04:38+00:00

I don't think you're terribly out of touch. This may be a little philosophical, but I think that most of us are taught to view housework as "chores". This is probably primarily due to shitty parenting that assigns us tasks rather than explaining their importance. We grow up thinking "I can't have fun until I do the dishes", and so we become adults and hate doing dishes. Most of us were never taught that there are many practical reasons for washing your dishes, not the least of which is maintaining a sanitary household. As a result, people tend to view their household duties not as maintenance to have a healthy and a happy environment, but as a giant list that they tear down the middle and hand the other half to their co-inhabitant. This leads to procrastination, which leads to tasks taking longer and longer, and the whole thing gets to be an avalanche of pain-in-the-ass, when it's much easier to just do the work as it comes in and move on with your lives.

As far as division of labor is concerned, the most tenable solution is to instead view your household as a pot of work to be done, and you both pull things out of the pot and do them as time allows. In the case where one of you works and one of you stays home, this will necessarily mean that the person who stays home does more of the work. In two-income households, this might be a more even split. I think the biggest issue with this solution is that many people choose to put things off until the last minute, when the overarching goal should be to fully exhaust the list so that the future list is smaller in size and scope.

A little bit of context regarding my personal situation:

I work full-time and take a full-time load of classes as an online graduate student. My wife stays home and takes care of our daughter and Golden Retriever. My expectation is that my wife will do all of the recurring housework (laundry, dishes, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, etc). I mostly handle the maintenance man type stuff - replacing light bulbs, fixing hinges on doors, that sort of thing. I handle all vehicle maintenance, and I also handle all of the financial responsibilities. This system mostly works, except that she considers trash a "man's job", so twice a week I come home to 2-3 completely full trash cans that she has stuffed down repeatedly to avoid taking out. Also, we run into that problem where she likes to postpone doing things, thereby making them take longer. An example would be waiting a day or two to wash dishes, and now food is caked onto the pans etc.

As an addendum, I've found through experience that every woman has a list of housework that she just doesn't want to do, and no matter how much you tell them to get their shit together, that task is just never going to be done by that woman. In these instances, the man has to do it. For my wife, this is taking out the trash. For other women, results may vary.

thatbadlarry · 2018-12-22T22:32:27+00:00

RP is not a hive mind. Consensus isn’t possible :) We’ve both had a turn at being a stay at home parent while one works full time. The at home parent does about 80% with the other one filling in the gaps. Right now husband is at home. I would never expect him to do absolutely everything. Frankly kids and house are a 24/7 job whereas my job is only 40 hours a week. So of course I help out. When it was the other way around he helped out too. But from a practical standpoint it makes sense to have the at home parent do most of it. If we both worked we would split it 50/50.

FleetingWish · 2018-12-22T17:18:08+00:00

In my Essential Duties of the First Mate article (can't link, on mobile) I discuss this a little bit. There are two reasons why certain household chores might be your responsibility.

The first is if those chores have been assigned to you by your captain. The second is that if you don't do them, no one will, and by doing them it helps things run much smoother. Dishes are cleaned when needed, laundry is ready to wear, etc.

Having a harmonious household means not agonizing over who does what. It's not important what's "fair" or that you each do your share, what's important is which solution is easiest.

If you have to nag your SO about doing certain chores that he hates, then that's a lot of agony that neither of you need. If it's easier to notice something that needs doing and just do it, then "just do it".

Title	Division of labor at home?
Author	LittleMissAfrodite
Upvotes	8
Comments	19
Date	December 22, 2018 3:16 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/a8ljpb/division_of_labor_at_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/division-of-labor-at-home.75446 https://theredarchive.com/post/75446

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