Ladies who have overcome daddy issues, how did you heal?

onlyfacts_nofans · 2021-06-14T04:01:27+00:00

A good therapist.

spaghettiparrot · 2021-06-14T13:12:36+00:00

Therapy. No, really. These "I met a good man" and "I simply DECIDED to get better" comments are harmful and show the toxic side of RPW ideology.

The traumatic consequences of poor parental relationships should not be underestimated, and no one should expect savior in a quick-fix.

Do yourself a favor and invest in therapy, personal growth and the pursuit of self esteem (the kind that no MAN can ever give you. Good heavens, people). Your journey will be unique to you, but I can say from experience that after about a year of talk therapy, combined with immersion in church/a group of women with very high morals and the exploration of my own passions, I am feeling much stronger. ONLY now am I ready for a partner or family. Implying that one should derive self worth from a relationship positively reeks of codependency and is akin to saying "having a baby will fix your relationship." Please start with your self worth.

Princess_Medusa · 2021-06-14T07:33:39+00:00

"Daddy issues" are a very vague thing that can mean something different to everyone. My experience is definitely not universally applicable... However, I believe that I overcame my own "daddy issues" because of two main factors:

- I "faked it until I made it". When I met my partner, I told myself that I'm 1. not going to act terribly for no real reason, 2. not going to seek out validation from other men, 3. not going to put him too much on a pedestal.

- I actually truly healed the relationship with my dad. He was never actively treating me poorly, but he was very emotionally immature, often behaving like a child himself and there was a time where he developed depression and barely ate. As a child, I always felt like I needed to take care of him. When I moved out for university, I finally managed to emotionally distance myself enough to realize that he's so much better now. That he's an adult who is okay on his own and I don't need to be worried. It also helped that he actually apologized and most importantly acknowledged the burden that he unintentionally put on me.

lawyercatgirl · 2021-06-14T08:11:05+00:00

Is there any possibility of building a better relationship with your dad? If so, start yesterday.

If not, (and even if yes because humans will always fail you) the only solution for me was my luck in finding God. I hope that you can too because our Creator is the ultimate and perfect father figure where human men often fail. Understanding that you are not an accident and wonderfully made, knitted in the womb, loved and watched over can do immense things to your self esteem. But it’s not an intellectual knowing, it’s faith and comes from growing closer to God.

justa_cat_in_disgize · 2021-06-14T04:19:37+00:00

I met a good man.

zino193 · 2021-06-14T06:15:00+00:00

You claim daddy issues but your complaints seem to be about low confidence and self-image.

Daddy issues is continuous pursuit of male validation usually superficial, attention based. You need to keep in touch emotionally - and know he is thinking of you. It's a reaction to uncertainty as a child and lacking a stable parental figure that you could check in with emotionally when life was hard. You just matured, gained some additional social tools and now are using those to get that "check in" from the men you respect/fear (depending on your self esteem).

I suggest to find a man you respect, tell him you have this validation seeking behavior and have him ignore your cries for attention and reward your hard work, acknowledge your feelings and appreciate your thoughts, values, or initiative. It's quite a gift - you are a highly motivated and proactive woman - so if the emotional motivation moves from the physical and superficial to more constructive avenues you will pursue those avenues with a passion you did not think possible.

MirriMazDuur · 2021-06-14T07:53:47+00:00

First, I think you should stop contacting your dad and tell him exactly why.

Then you need to recognize your bad thought patterns and correct them; if validation is what you seek (like I did), I got over it by gaining attention through positive things: humor, achievements, compared to unhealthy ways of gaining attention from men

xxGabixx · 2021-06-14T08:55:45+00:00

I kind of resonate with your situation. I can’t say that I’m in a perfect spot but what has really helped me a lot is journaling, basically writing down all I remember he has said to me and how I have subconsciously internalized it in a way that it affects me in the present. The more detailed the better. It’s very therapeutic.

GirlGodd · 2021-06-17T01:46:40+00:00

You were emotionally and psychologically abused. Nothing he ever told you about yourself was true. Go to a good therapist and work on improving your self esteem. Read Ultimate Confidence: The Secrets to Feeling Great About Yourself Every Day by Marisa Peer. Excellent book

WorkingKey3322 · 2021-06-20T01:15:12+00:00

Your father’s comments to you are a direct reflection of his own low self worth. A father who likes himself does not put his little girl down or compare her negatively to others. His opinions do not have validity.

TheMekavelli · 2021-06-14T03:46:38+00:00

https://twitter.com/tellyoursonthis/status/1338653725309751298?s=21

Read this thread. It might help you.

Dickwad · 2021-06-14T16:47:35+00:00

With trauma the key is to realise it resides in our bodies as 'knots' of tension we're usually unconscious of until triggered.

here's a video guide to releasing the pain

Im sorry you've been suffering with this I can't imagine how difficult it must be.

Inside_Ad_7292 · 2021-06-14T22:07:14+00:00

I forgave him. That doesn’t mean I forgot, because I haven’t talked to him in almost ten years and never will again. But I forgave him because to forgive was to take control of the effect he had on me. I took his power away from him and gave it to myself.

leslie_pants · 2021-06-15T18:43:26+00:00

Hi *waving hand*

My dad died some years back. I was not close to him though, and a woman who was younger than me and dating him notified me over Facebook. He died basically because he was a needle using, cirrhosis havin' party boy who already had a daughter he ditched. Well, lucky for me the only have memories I have of me with dad is one where I was a two-year-old in my mom's arms while they were in the middle of a domestic dispute (complete with a cop entourage). The other memory I have was in my young adult phase trying to connect with my dad and his side of the family, but it seemed too little too late and my dad pretty much just wanted the state off of his ass so he could get his driver's license back from not paying child support. I mean, his young girlfriend looked expensive.

Not having a good father figure around defo killed my self esteem and made me weird inside and I did not know why...It almost feels like there has been something missing all my life and no matter what I do, my inner demons that machine gun burst self doubt bullets always destroy any sort of fake self esteem I attempt to replicate what a father would have installed perfectly had I fucking had one.

I really suffered around puberty. My mom was NOT a good mom. She has the mentality of a child and pretty much treated me like a room mate/welfare check. Hello? She married and got pregnant by a man who already had a daughter he left. My mom also lost custody of my half brother and was ordered supervised visits in a mommy state so that screams something ain't right. I wanted a dad so BADLY, I would go after my friends' dads in hopes of getting their attention and praise...well, one did give me attention in the form of sexual predation of a minor, so to hell with that. I never told my friend about that and lost touch with them.

It was so bad. The endless parade of losers my mom introduced did not help and her meltdown she had when I yeeted out of home to join the army so I would have a chance at breaking a cycle of poverty made me realize what was done was done. I had to cope with life because all the crying, self pity, and chasing men would not fix anything. The best I could do was read books such as The Fatherless Daughter Project while I was serving the country overseas and finding myself lost in thought. Being with fellow women who hurt from not having a father and sharing thoughts makes you not feel so alone. Knowing that what I feel is normal and for once in my life, validates my feelings.

I am married now. My husband is a wonderful, smart, caring man. LOL he also lifts and is 6'2" and has a great job. He came from an amazing family. He always says he wishes he could win the lottery, and I tell him he has because of his parents. God bless them. I am so happy I can pick my husband at least, because I must've been drunk if I picked my parents. When we do ever decide to have kids, they will have the best dad and grandparents any kid could ask for. My mom can have Facetime privileges if she doesn't fuck that up.

Aaaand I got banned from r/offmyches t for posting here XD this is enough internet for me today.

Own-Ad-7541 · 2021-06-21T03:13:42+00:00

Ayahuasca. I recommend going to Rythmia, if it's out of your budget then go somewhere cheaper. Therapy will help, but ayahuasca can do so much more. Drugs are sometimes the answer.

Title	Ladies who have overcome daddy issues, how did you heal?
Author	mybicepsarenoodles
Upvotes	42
Comments	30
Date	June 14, 2021 2:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/nzcpmh/ladies_who_have_overcome_daddy_issues_how_did_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ladies-who-have-overcome-daddy-issues-how-did-you.782380 https://theredarchive.com/post/782380

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