My fiancé has been reminding me that I’m a taken man.

ChadCyrus · 2021-06-18T08:49:08+00:00

Better to go to married trp maybe

kclanton80 · 2021-06-18T11:30:33+00:00

Honestly she's reminding you because if you keep going out you're going to cheat on her eventually. Which I have no problem with whatsoever. Who cares if she keeps reminding you. As long as she's not trying to restrict your movements you are good.

This is what you signed up for after all. If you're not comfortable with it then you might need to ask yourself why you are getting married.

UEMcGill · 2021-06-18T13:35:26+00:00

It doesn’t bother me, but I feel like I should tell her that there are better ways to keep a man faithful. I just want to make sure I communicate it in the right way. Advice?

Demonstrate through your actions. Words are meaningless. Be a high value man and make it clear through your actions that marriage is a tool to accomplish goals, ie kids, that she can be a part of or not. She's a vessel, not the solution.

I get it, marriage is considered by many the biggest simp move

You know what's a simp move? Feeling the need to defend your decisions. Alpha providers own their decisions.

The only thing I'd tell you to do is vet her thoroughly. Understand what level of dread you are creating and how to manage it. I'm curious to why she keeps reminding you. Is she projecting? Or are you running at a high level of dread and she needs some comfort? These kinds of details come out in the way she uses her words.

tetrachromancy · 2021-06-18T11:23:31+00:00

Why all the time apart

T00kTheRedPill · 2021-06-18T16:07:14+00:00

That’s fine if you want kids and a family, but

How old are you both?
How long have you vetted her?
How long have you both lived together?

MrNeurotypical · 2021-06-19T22:22:01+00:00

Well, you are going out... without your fiance... to singles dances... with bachelors... and you're not getting laid for a month. Now, think of what happens when women do that. So from her own experience, she infers that you will have the same experience.

Now, I've been married 17 years and my wife has never said anything like that to me. I've discovered, through attachment theory, that women like my wife are "securely attached". Women like your fiance are "fearful-avoidant" or "anxious-preoccupied".

Within romantic relationships, a securely attached adult will appear
in the following ways: excellent conflict resolution, mentally flexible,
effective communicators, avoidance of manipulation, comfortable with
closeness without fearfulness of being enmeshed, quickly forgiving,
viewing sex and emotional intimacy as one, believing they can positively
impact their relationship, and caring for their partner how they want
to be cared for. In summation, they are great partners who treat their
spouses very well, as they are not afraid to give positively and ask for
their needs to be met. Securely attached adults believe that there are
“many potential partners that would be responsive to their needs”, and
if they come across an individual who is not meeting their needs, they
will typically lose interest very quickly. In a study comparing
secure-secure and secure-various attachment style relationships, there
was no fluctuation in positive relational functioning. However, in any
combination of two partners with attachment styles outside of secure,
the relationships showed high levels of negative relationship
functioning. This research indicates that it only takes one securely
attached partner within a romantic relationship to maintain healthy,
emotional relationship functioning.[87]

Anxious-preoccupied adults seek high levels of intimacy, approval and responsiveness from
partners, becoming overly dependent. They tend to be less trusting, have
less positive views about themselves and their partners, and may
exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry and impulsiveness
in their relationships. The anxiety that adults feel prevents the
establishment of satisfactory defense exclusion. Thus, it is possible
that individuals that have been anxiously attached to their attachment
figure or figures have not been able to develop sufficient defenses
against separation anxiety. Because of their lack of preparation these
individuals will then overreact to the anticipation of separation or the
actual separation from their attachment figure. The anxiety comes from
an individual's intense and/or unstable relationship that leave the
anxious or preoccupied individual relatively defenseless.[88]
Adults with this attachment style tend to look way too far into things,
whether that's a text message or a face-to-face conversation. Their
thoughts and actions can lead to a painful cycle of self-fulfilling
prophecies and even self-sabotage. They often seek a dismissive-avoidant
partner.[89]

Dismissive-avoidant adults desire a high level of independence, often appearing to avoid
attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient,
invulnerable to attachment feelings and not needing close relationships.
They tend to suppress their feelings, dealing with conflict by
distancing themselves from partners of whom they often have a poor
opinion. Adults lack the interest of forming close relationships and
maintaining emotional closeness with the people around them. They have a
great amount of distrust in others but at the same time possess a
positive model of self, they would prefer to invest in their own ego
skills. Because of their distrust they cannot be convinced that other
people have the ability to deliver emotional support. They try to create
high levels of self-esteem by investing disproportionately in their
abilities or accomplishments. These adults maintain their positive views
of self, based on their personal achievements and competence rather
than searching for and feeling acceptance from others. These adults will
explicitly reject or minimize the importance of emotional attachment
and passively avoid relationships when they feel as though they are
becoming too close. They strive for self-reliance and independence. When
it comes to the opinions of others about themselves, they are very
indifferent and are relatively hesitant to positive feedback from their
peers. Dismissive avoidance can also be explained as the result of
defensive deactivation of the attachment system to avoid potential
rejection, or genuine disregard for interpersonal closeness.[90]

Fearful-avoidant adults have mixed feelings about close relationships, both desiring and
feeling uncomfortable with emotional closeness. They tend to mistrust
their partners and view themselves as unworthy. Like dismissive-avoidant
adults, fearful-avoidant adults tend to seek less intimacy, suppressing
their feelings.[5][91][92][93]

Sexually, securely attached individuals are less likely to be involved in
one-night stands or sexual activity outside of the primary relationship,
and more likely to report mutual initiation and enjoyment of sex.[citation needed]

Dismissive-avoidant individuals tend to report activities reflecting low psychological
intimacy (one-night sex, extra-dyadic sex, sex without love), as well as
less enjoyment of physical contact. Research has demonstrated that for
both sexes, insecure-ambivalent attachment was related to enjoyment of
holding and caressing, but not of more clearly sexual behaviors.[citation needed]

Relationally, insecure individuals tend to be partnered with insecure individuals,
and secure individuals with secure individuals. Insecure relationships
tend to be enduring but less emotionally satisfying compared to the
relationship(s) of two securely attached individuals.

TLDR: Feminism ruined your fiance.

mairomaster · 2021-06-18T09:42:13+00:00

I should tell her that there are better ways to keep a man faithful

Or alternatively teach her that sleeping around with other girls doesn't mean you are not loyal to her if you don't do any compromises with the relationship. It might be a bit difficult but it's worth at the end if she starts grasping it.

Thoth_X · 2021-06-18T14:08:22+00:00

Dont get married......

If you do you cannot grow beyond the point where you are currently. If you become more in shape or become rich she will become subtly resentful and may cheat out of fear and mental preservation that you are cheating.

If you become worse than you are now (gain weight or lose job) she will feel disgust and will eventually leave you (at least mentally)

This is life warning you now.

MattyAnon · 2021-06-18T18:04:35+00:00

but I want kids and a stable home for them

Marriage destabilises families because you are literally PAYING THE MOTHER TO LEAVE.

You want to keep stability, don't offer her payment to leave, which is what marriage is.

Title	My fiancé has been reminding me that I’m a taken man.
Author	Lock3steps
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	June 18, 2021 8:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/o2khq1/my_fiancé_has_been_reminding_me_that_im_a_taken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-fiance-has-been-reminding-me-that-im-a-taken.784752 https://theredarchive.com/post/784752

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