Lack of success with girls is seriously affecting my other areas

squirestrat · 2016-12-19T15:31:26+00:00

Y'know what I do when I fuck up a P.A. system and start getting some negative feedback? Unplug something, turn the volume down, fix it.

Have you been exercising? Following a healthy diet? Practicing being mindful, practicing a hobby/instrument/etc..

If you've answered NO to even one of these things, I want you to back off chasing girls for a little while. :)

It all starts with you man, if you don't feel good - those cold approaches, or anything .. just.. won't .. be .. that good.

Seriously!

If you have Aspergers, or an asymmetrical face - so what? Be yourself man, you need to live and breath passion into your own life first and foremost. Letting woman (or a lack of) get you so down in a rut is really whats causing the issue here.

Stop focusing on women. Find your own happiness. No one is going to get it for you, especially not a chick.

redpillavatar · 2016-12-19T18:10:13+00:00

I'm not going to blow sunshine up your ass, but women have a great variability in that which they find attractive. You know that there are women that swoon over Adam Driver

Keys are:

Being in shape
Not being a poor
Being successful
Acting as if all of above is true

You are deriving your concept of self-worth from your success with girls. That really doesn't matter much, you are successful with or without women. An important tenet of RP is outcome independence. You are having fun and enjoying yourself with or without women. You are the prize, not the woman. You enrich a woman's life far more than the reverse (and this is the truth if you think about the logistics of it).

To totally break approach anxiety, practice an elevator speech and approaching regularly. The more you do it, the more fun it is. However, if you have social anxiety in general, just practice starting conversations with no goal in mind.

Disaster532385 · 2016-12-19T19:40:32+00:00

You can't self-diagnosme aspergers dude.

2comment · 2016-12-19T19:58:32+00:00

Go lift.

AwakenedSovereign · 2016-12-19T15:35:14+00:00

I don't know anyone with aspergers but you sound normal to me. Don't undermine yourself with this kind of fearful thinking. Get diagnosed and assume you are normal and healthy until proven otherwise.

If you are already lifting successfully, you already have discipline. Discipline is the answer to being productive while feeling various ways (mood swings). Basically, just make yourself do the shit you need to do. The less you allow excuses to slow you down the easier it will get. Your productive behavior should not be leashed to your current mood. Leave that for the women.

Regarding your social insecurities, practice and application. Social skills are a muscle. You get stronger and last longer when you train correctly.

Focus on finding male friends that reciprocate your interest, hang out with you, invite you to things, and are available as a sounding board for things going on in your life. In the 'sphere we call these "safe male friends", masculine men whose opinions you can use and who challenge you to grow and become better.

To find these friends, make social gestures to guys who you meet through your hobbies, social scenes and just in general. At the gym? Ask some bro for a spot and introduce yourself. Say hi to him when you see him for a couple weeks. Ask him for some piece of lifting advice. One day, ask him out for a beer.

Also applies to your other hobbies, if they are social hobbies. If they are not social hobbies, pick better hobbies that are social or find a way to make your current hobbies more social. The key to all social interaction is mutual interest. These people have to want to spend their time on something you can share.

For very charismatic individuals, people want to spend time with them just because they are cool and fun. For you and most of the rest of us, there needs to be some kind of 'reason', at least until the friendship develops. Reasons could be like.. hey I scored these free tickets. Hey I'm going out with my friends and these hot girls you should come meet them. Hey I'm going to this event that has yoga I know we are both interested in. Etc.

Over time, as you develop skills and experience, I bet this social anxiety / I have aspergers / bla bla bla will all disappear.

[deleted] · 2016-12-19T15:45:14+00:00

Your problem is that you're desperate. You're giving strange women who don't even know you exist power over your life. Let me guess, talking to women makes you nervous? Nervousness makes you act different than you would if you were cool and collected. People can detect it easily. Abundance mentality, my man.

You have to get out there and talk to women and put the fear of rejection out of your head. So what if some girl rejects you? You're probably never going to see her again. And there are plenty of reasons she might reject you that have nothing to do with your face or your value as a man. You're just assuming the worst because you're self-conscious. You're ascribing power to her judgment of you, you're allowing her to control your life and your behavior simply by not fucking you. How fucked up is that?

Lifting and styling will help, but not as much as raw exposure. You need to kill the nerves before you can reap the benefits of muscularity. Put yourself in front of women in person, not online. Online dating is a dead-end for most men, and it makes us lazy. Remember, the most successful men just don't give a fuck. It's not that they don't get rejected, it's that they don't let it ruin their day. Go on with your hobbies and become a badass at them, but do it for you, not some girl.

EDIT: if you think you have aspergers go talk to a professional, don't act as if you're diagnosed because you feel like you have it. Realz > feelz, especially with regard to medical issues. There are medications that can help social anxiety.

Officer_Dick_Johnson · 2016-12-19T16:27:52+00:00

It's as meme as it can get here on this sub, but... Start lifting.

I was a mess as you when I was 20. Lifting save me from that mental filth.

BasketCase559 · 2016-12-19T20:33:34+00:00

As others here have said, build it and they will come. Don't ask "how can I get girls?" Ask "how can I be a man that girls want?"

The answer is spelled out for you in other comments. Take care of yourself. Groom yourself. You don't have to be Brad Pitt to be clean and dressed nicely. Lift. You can't do much about your face but you have 100% control over your body. Eat properly. Your diet influences your mood. You put junk in, you get junk out.

Good luck.

anabolic92 · 2016-12-19T21:49:30+00:00

I'm in the same boat, looking for answers man.

The only thing I can do is wish you good luck

quicklogaccount · 2016-12-19T22:32:33+00:00

Shit man, every nerd in the planet will self diagnose with asperger's. Don't fucking bother because of that.

As for anxiety, approaching women causes a lot of anxiety, the only way to prevent this anxiety is getting desensitized to rejection. There are a lot of ways to do it, most of them work, so, you might want to take a look on that.

To break this negative feeding cycle you need confidence, which comes from successes. The good thing is that you don't need a lot of successes, so, you can cheat the game by wasting more resources that you were supposed to for starters. This doesn't free you from learning how to play it right though.
To cheat the game, you do this. Capitalize on your strengths and protect your weaknesses.

First thing you'll have to hack is: Approach anxiety.
The solution to it is not giving a fuck. I don't give a fuck mentality. You can get it by two ways. The proper one is approaching a lot and getting used to NOs. You should to it.
The improper one is, well, approaching "fungible" women. Women you give no shit about. Give yourself a 1 to 10 grade and go for women you grade under yourself, as low as you can bear. You won't be giving a shit about blowing chances with them.

The second thing to overcome is the lack of "looking confident". Body language counts a lot. Once you gain confidence, it'll read in your standing, but before that, there are ways to be more relaxed.
You can use beta blockers, you can try kava tea (heard it works wonders), you can go with alcohol (this one does lower the quality of chicks you'll be able to pull though), or you can go online. Pick one.

The third thing to overcome is the lack of shit to talk about, game. Pick some pua shelved routines and shamelessly apply them or write your own, stuffing them with appeals to emotion and the DHVs mentioned in "the game" (read it if you haven't).
Chose an environment that either doesn't need a lot of talking, like a loud club (you'll face some rejections though) or one in which you have time to think, like online, Tinder or shit.

Anyway, from there and on, hit the field.
Loud environments, open, state your intentions gallantly, get dumped or not, kiss and escalate.
Tinder, open, talk and dhv, set a meeting, state your intentions gallantly, kiss and escalate.

You will fail mostly on opening. They'll just turn their faces. You'll probably score by boldly and gallantly stating your intentions, but when you don't, lots of tension will have been broken and you'll probably be able to chat and game properly to close after a while. She might DUMP you once you state your intentions though, in which case you go to the next one. That's why it is crucial to do it asap (for starters), so you don't lose time and make the girl non fungible.

desno · 2016-12-20T00:30:45+00:00

everyone has flaws. You've stared at that face all your life so you're being overly critical of it. In fact, I have a noticeably bent nose (just about) which i probably will fix at some point but im doing ok despite the asymmetry.

People here will tell you to lift, get a fashion sense, read the sidebar plus some books, and that's a good place to start. However, many here feel your pain. For some it "clicks" quickly and success comes with a few minor tweaks. For some, a big overhaul needs to happen and it can take months for some for the change to be noticeable. For me this happened. It wasn't for nearly 6 months that I suddenly got success. And believe it, it bothered me before then that i wasn't getting any success, to the point of tears. But you plough on with the small changes, and before you know it. You're a changed man.

feel free to pm

zopiro · 2016-12-20T04:36:28+00:00

Don't judge yourself by your ability to pick girls. You should be kinder to your soul than that. Just take a look at the amount of former PUAs that are miserable. Bedding multiple girls, having multiple threesomes and easy blowjobs will not make you happy, and will not turn you into a great man.

The best game around is to ditch game altogether. Set a simple goal for your life: a house, work to do, a decent, sweet wife, a family with kids, a dog. Go to church every Sunday. That's the recipe for a fulfilling life.

MattyAnon · 2016-12-20T18:33:48+00:00

It's like a negative feedback cycle, I don't get shit done with girls because I'm in a shitty mood and I'm in a shitty mood because I can't get shit done with girls.

You've got this wrong. Having a girl or a girlfriend will not fix you. Girlfriends actually create more anxiety ("is this a shit test? is she cheating? why hasn't she answered my text?") - especially girls your age.

You need to get on with your life irrespective of women. Think of it this way: girl or no girl, live YOUR life for YOU.

Work on your long term goals, eat well, lift. get in shape.

Additionally work on getting good with girls. You want girls in your life, so do that. This is a journey not a destination - practice, improve. Keep on working at it. Don't have ANY expectations of girls or yourself as regards girls. They're so random and ambiguous at first that you should pay them no heed, excepting that you work on YOURSELF.

What you put into a relationship is water under the bridge. What you put into yourself is yours to keep, so in any relationship focus 90% on you and 10% on her.

Taking risks makes YOU better (knowledge, experience). Maybe it will kill the relationship - that's fine. You are more important. Burn the relationship with the girl to the ground in your efforts to bed her. This improves you. Don't worry about destroying the relationship, there are millions more women and relationships are basically worthless anyway.

In short:

Focus on you first
Fix you, know that having a girl is a cost not a benefit
Get girls, but don't count on them to make you feel better. They're a nice add-on, you never base your life on them.

Has any of you has some social impairness like asperger's or even anxiety, and how did you overcome it/or are defeating it?

Yup. See above.

santander26 · 2016-12-19T16:02:07+00:00

Focus on business. Get money. Fuck 10/10 women every single day.

Escorts.

Search "escort" on redpill subreddit.

[deleted] · 2016-12-19T16:24:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2016-12-19T17:49:06+00:00

You are unhappy because you are putting the cart before the horse. You work on yourself first. The women follow. Not the other way around.

Nagicman1 · 2016-12-19T15:26:50+00:00

Lifting won't help you. Lower your bf% and take some pictures of yourself. Then start using tinder, POF, and okcupid. Mass message hundreds of women a day for 3-4 months. If you still can't get women, look into plastic surgery, and if plastic surgery doesn't help you just use escorts.

Title	Lack of success with girls is seriously affecting my other areas
Author	Laser_power
Upvotes	8
Comments	19
Date	December 19, 2016 3:08 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5j6u2h/lack_of_success_with_girls_is_seriously_affecting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/lack-of-success-with-girls-is-seriously-affecting.79366 https://theredarchive.com/post/79366

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