Lost 50 pounds. 190, 5'11 now. Still going.

I have -1 experience with women. That is not zero. That is below zero. I didn't have sisters or girls in my school growing up. I feel anxious touching a girl right now. I can maintain friendly conversations with hot girls face to face. I can flirt very well with texts with randoms. I cannot flirt in real life, yet cuz I'm new to this. I can't even maintain my frame cuz it feels something between forbidden fruit and too good to be true.

Right now I'm texting with a random girl quite willing for me. Apperantly I'm quite above her league. She is like 160 pounds. Her face and neck doesn't seem that overweight. I can see some bones there. Her face is cute-ish. Her body is overweight clearly. I think I can be attracted to her face. I'd enjoy watching her give bjs. She is insecure, close to her family, young, works, LTR type of girl as expected. Latino.

I am fat too. Fat is mostly on the gut and chest and it looks ugly. When I'm clothed I look alright. I don't show my weight. When I'm naked, I'm clearly ugly cuz I'm fat.

When I think about sex with a fat girl, I feel grossed out.

I feel like I HAVE TO FUCKING CATCH UP ON THE LOST EXPERIENCES ASAP! so I have to learn about women and by the time I am fit, I must get hotter girls ASAP. This sounds immature but I missed on life. I didn't really live. I want to wake up and start living asap. By that, for starters I didn't fucking kissed a girl and I didn't get any attention from a girl. Turns out I'm good looking and I'm enough if I let myself out there. I might die tomorrow. I do not want to wait.

I'll obviously keep searching. I just started but eventually I might have to settle with a fat one for short term. Would I regret it? How is sex like with a fat girl?