Can’t believe I used to love this woman

AuntieSaurusRex · 2021-04-25T11:14:06+00:00

Check out the BPDlovedones subreddit. There's definitely a pattern for these mentally unstable people, it sounds like you were unlucky enough to get caught up with one. Just focus on getting out and doing the best you can for your son. There's a pattern of enabling probably going on in her family that will keep them from facing the truth, it's not your fault and not your problem. Rational, emotionally mature adults know there are always two sides to every story and will judge you based on their interactions with you. Everyone else can go screw.

Read everything you can on how to deal with personality disordered people and I highly suggest checking out Dr. Tara Palmantier's youtube series. I think her username on Youtube is shrink4men. She's a men's rights advocate that specializes in helping men who have to deal with mentally ill ex spouses. She wrote a book (I can't remember the co-author's name) called Say Goodbye to Crazy that was really good. It stopped me pursuing a doomed relationship with a friend who won't separate from his abusive, BPD wife. He's not ready. His situation sounds very similar to yours. Don't waste a minute more of your life trying to make things work or think you can make her happy. Get every single tool you can in your toolbox to learn to deal with her and protect your son. My friend keeps thinking things will get better and he's too scared to leave because he'll have to pay alimony and child support but he's going to work himself into an early grave trying to make a crazy person not be crazy. Life is SHORT and you deserve to be happy.

Sorry, I really turned that into a novel but your post struck a chord with me!

skirted_dork · 2021-04-25T13:49:07+00:00

Same here. Is like they live in a different reality or something. Focus on yourself my dude and never look back.

WartimeDad · 2021-04-25T16:04:44+00:00

Dude I feel the same way, but at the end of the day the shitty lies that she says will reflect more poorly on her than you. Remember that it’s just projection. She is projecting her nastiness onto you. As hard as it is, it really is best if you can reject the idea that you know what’s going on inside her families minds. Or inside her mind. She’s undone, don’t let her make you come undone. Just take the super long view and be the best dad that you can be.

But yeah I know it’s easier said than done and it totally sucks. The lies I hear through the grapevine are also hard to believable. Just keep on carrying on. Being a victim and lying is getting her attention and sympathy from others. Eventually she won’t get that attention for the same dry old tactics, and so she’ll move on to the next thing.

fewdo · 2021-04-25T22:19:51+00:00

Invest in a digital audio recorder and a pile of cloud storage. Run the recorder every minute that you're around her.

If she never makes a false accusation, delete all the recordings after the divorce. If she does make a false accusation, you have hours and hours of evidence of you not being bad.

Some lawyers will push their clients to get an order of protection because it helps the case and needs no proof.

SadDad2020 · 2021-04-25T16:26:43+00:00

I am currently going through something very similar. She is pulling the same garbage on me and has been physical with both my daughter and myself. He family moved into and forced me out of my home. They are there looking over things and have begun getting into her ear to the point that I am only seeing my daughter 25%. I have one over night with her.

She is accusing me of being a verbally abusive person. She refuses to clean up after herself and has left me doing close to 160% of everything. Covid only made things worse and they constant gaslighting and fire starting picked up ten folder. Her family and her have a private chat and have used to to guide her into doing things that go against a marriage.

We went from having life plans. To having a kid and then the vultures descended. It got so bad so fast that her sibling tried to convince her in front of my own family that she should leave my family name off and use her own. There is an really Anti men craze in this family however none of them can wipe their ass without their fathers help.

I feel your frustration. Its disgusting what happens with something that seems so simple. I am not being threated that she is going to move away with our daughter. And the mediation was the most bias, waste of time I have ever had to endure.

My Thoughts and prayers go out to you my friend.

Title	Can’t believe I used to love this woman
Author	trickymw
Upvotes	30
Comments	14
Date	April 25, 2021 10:23 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/my5int/cant_believe_i_used_to_love_this_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-believe-i-used-to-love-this-woman.817185 https://theredarchive.com/post/817185

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