Is it wrong that I want my kid to prefer me over his mom?

JohnnyMnemo · 2020-12-15T19:22:42+00:00

I think this is a pretty normal response. You want to have some kind of recognition of the effort that you're putting in, as well as validation that you are figuring out how to single parent. But you're also right, you should challenge this and guard against it.

One of the most valuable pieces I got from the court ordered co-parenting classes was that the kids feel as if they're 1/2 yours and 1/2 hers. Any attack on her and the kid feels like you're assaulting 1/2 of their identity.

Know that you're doing your best and finding your own path, and now have the liberty to follow your own conscience for their parenting. But you have to trust that she is doing the same. She might come up with different answers, but she's making her best attempt at parenting in her own way.

unitedstatesofwhatvr · 2020-12-15T15:06:21+00:00

It’s a very unhealthy setup for the kid. It’s great you are recognizing and questioning it though.

zippyweinstein · 2020-12-15T21:02:25+00:00

Your psychological reward becomes your child’s psychological weakness. The same impulse makes you punish the child when you think he favors the other parent.

Foomama48 · 2020-12-15T05:45:34+00:00

Yes. ONLY because even if you think you aren’t conveying it, you are. He’ll pick up on it and in some ways he’ll feel like he’ll have to make you happy, by not being happy with or acting like he’s happy with her around you. Kids don’t need that crap, you’re both his parents, he loves you both, it’s not a competition for him, he doesn’t need to be in the middle. I get it!! Where you’re coming from, totally human to feel that way. Just don’t focus on it or have it be a main piece in your head, you know? Try to get past it so he doesn’t have to pick up on it. Hope that makes sense!

whist1e · 2020-12-15T21:26:29+00:00

You can want that all you want, but their childhood isn’t your ego boost. It’s THEIR childhood and THEIR psychological well being that’s important and above your ego. Yes it feels amazing (I’m a single dad and have primary custody) but I don’t want my kids to feel like crap when they aren’t with me. Plus kids learn how to get on mom and dads good side; yes it feels good, but you could also be reinforcing manipulative behavior on their part and yours.

Glad you have an awareness of it, but keep yourself in check: this isn’t about you

Title	Is it wrong that I want my kid to prefer me over his mom?
Author	FlowHuman
Upvotes	18
Comments	6
Date	December 15, 2020 5:38 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/kdfsl0/is_it_wrong_that_i_want_my_kid_to_prefer_me_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-wrong-that-i-want-my-kid-to-prefer-me-over.817665 https://theredarchive.com/post/817665

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